Page 28 of The Broposal

After a few more distracted rounds on my part, I felt a hand squeeze my shoulder. I looked behind me to see Leti offering a comforting smile. Was I being that obvious? I shook it off and joined the game again the next round, vowing not to be the first to die again.

I failed less than ten seconds in.

Luckily, the pizza showed up right as I died. I was so in my own head I forgot we’d ordered it. I got the door and tipped theguy generously, but when I came back to put the boxes on the coffee table, the game was paused.

Leti sat on the arm of the couch now to make room for me to sit between them and Han. I put the pizza down, then took the seat. I must have looked extra pathetic given the three pairs of pitying eyes staring at me.

“Talk to us, Kenny,” Leti said. “You okay?”

I sighed and let my head fall back against the edge of the couch. If I were Han, I’d make up some excuse and say I was fine, but I wasn’t good at hiding my emotions. I tried for the sake of other people, but when I got confronted, I was always bursting to talk.

“Jackie and I broke up.” My voice caught in my throat.

“Oh no, I’m sorry.” Tatiana was the only one who seemed sympathetic.

“Thanks.” I wiped my nose.

“I know breakups suck, but it’s for the best. That bitch was fucking mean,” Leti said.

“Don’t call her a bitch…” I mumbled softly. I was such a wimp, I couldn’t even properly stand up for the girl I loved.

“Fine. But you know I’m right,” Leti said as they grabbed a slice. Han and Tatiana followed suit, but I wasn’t hungry anymore. Leti always wanted to help, but the only kind of love they offered was the tough kind. “She treated you like shit. I’m glad you got out.”

“Yeah, I know…” I felt weird admitting it. I always felt like the ins and outs of my relationship with Jackie were private, but clearly everyone else had their opinions. I wondered what that meant about how they thought ofme.

“Why’d you stay with her for so long anyway? You could do way better,” Leti said.

“I loved her.” My voice was so low, I barely heard myself. I knew they wouldn’t understand. They only saw the bad parts. They never saw her soft side. How her head fit perfectly in the crook of my neck, or how she was my big spoon, latching on to me like a backpack. How much she cared about her job at the shelter and all the women she helped. She was almost as physically affectionate as I was, so I never felt like I was being too much. Jackie knew me better than I knew myself and never hesitated to call me on my shit. I was indecisive abouteverything, but Jackie knew what she wanted. And she wantedme, of all the people in the world. That part I’d never understand.

“Do you still?” Tatiana asked.

“I…” Now that I thought about it, I wasn’t sure if I was really in love or just lonely. “I don’t know…” I finally said.

Han stayed noticeably quiet, which didn’t surprise me one bit. It was very Han to avoid discussions about feelings. But more than anything, I wished he would forget about his machismo for one second and offer me a freaking hug or something.

“You have us if you need anything, okay?” Leti wrapped their arms around my shoulders, and I hugged them back. I really needed one. Even though Leti never liked Jackie, they were always a good friend. I felt my eyes prick with tears, and I quickly pulled away to wipe them. I felt so pathetic, crying over a breakup everyone was happy about.

“Oh, Kenny…” Leti cupped my face in their hands. “You deserve so much better than that b—I mean, thanher.”

I couldn’t help it. The tears came back. I couldn’t put it in words, so I just cried. I wasn’t upset that Jackie had hurt me. I was upset that I lost her. I didn’t deserve better at all. I didn’twantto break up with Jackie. I just wanted her to get along with Han, but that would never happen. And Leti and Han wereright. She treated me like crap, and I hated myself for letting her. But now that I ended it, I felt worse for missing her. Being alone scared the shit out of me.

I leaned on Han’s shoulder, and he finally wrapped an arm around me.

“Let it out, bro.”

“I don’t want to be alone!” I blurted out as tears streamed down my face. Han rubbed my back.

“You’re never alone, bro,” he said as he reached for the last slice, which healwaysmanaged to get, ever since we were little. It used to annoy me, but now I allowed it every time. “I’m literally here with you, like, twenty-four-seven,” he said through a mouthful of pizza, and I let out a laugh-cry. It was true. I wasn’talonealone. Han was always by my side. And maybe that was enough.

Maybe that was more than enough.

CHAPTER ELEVEN

HAN

Once Leti and Tatiana left, I hoped I’d be enough comfort if Kenny cried again. I’d been told I was like a deer in headlights when someone cried in front of me. Kenny never seemed to mind my awkward pats on his back or fumbly words, though. In fact, he was usually pretty happy with my uncomfortable attempts at soothing him.

He wasn’t crying just yet, so the best I could do was keep him from being alone. I playedSpider-Man: Miles Moraleswhile he lay on the couch next to me with his laptop, his feet resting on my lap. Luna was curled up in a tiny ball between Kenny’s legs. His preferred love language was acts of kindness—showing love to other people. But when he was on the receiving end, it was physical touch or bust, so I figured he was pretty comfortable all close to me and Luna.

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