Page 38 of The Broposal

Han frowned. “Yeah, I was a jackass then. I should have reeled you in sooner.”

Han and I’d had this conversation plenty of times before. We both felt guilty for distancing from each other. Me because of Jackie, and Han as a reaction to me distancing myself. I’d been the exception to his rule of never getting too close to anyone, and I’d blown it. He’d never admit it, but I knew it had hurt him bad enough that he didn’t try to keep in touch when I pulled back.

So Leti intervened. They gave Han an intervention first, and then they both came to me. Han and I cried so hard that day. We both apologized profusely and promised to never get distant like that again. And we never did.

But I didn’t know what to say now. It was all too fresh. I looked down at Luna to avoid having to look at Han. My face got hot, and my vision blurry. Han was blowing this whole abuse thing way out of proportion… How could someone whose literal job was to protect abuse victims be an abuser? Especially when I really didn’t feel like a victim. But then, why was I getting so emotional?

“Hey, man, we don’t have to talk about it. I’m just glad you got out.” Han lightly slapped the back of my shoulder and squeezed.

The phone rang again and again.

“How long do you think before she stops calling?” I asked, and Han shrugged.

“Bet money she’ll still be calling after the movie.”

“Bet.” We shook on it. I didn’tthinkJackie would be that persistent. Still, the bet making light of the situation calmed my nerves. Han pressed play, andCocoplayed over the sounds of my phone vibrating. She must have given up eventually, because by the second rendition of “Remember Me,” I caught Han wiping away tears, completely immersed in the movie. I decided not to ruin the moment by bringing up our bet.

When we first started the tradition of watching kids’ movies, Han would pretend he hadn’t been crying. Over the last few years, though, he gave up the act and cried openly. I wondered what it was about them that turned Han into mush and why it was the only way he’d allow me the privilege of seeing him cry. It was so cute that I never mentioned it for fear of losing out on the precious movie reactions. I tried not to look, either, so he wouldn’t get embarrassed, but a smile betrayed me every time I heard a sniffle. It was just too pure.

After the movie, I pulled out my phone and stared at Jackie’s contact info. When I looked up, Han gave me a reassuring nod. With his encouragement, I blocked her number. I wished I could say I felt relief, but I just felt tired.

CHAPTER FIFTEEN

HAN

Even though Kenny and I were eager to get married ASAP, we decided to wait a couple of weeks before I asked Kenny’s parents for permission. If it were up to me, we would have waited longer. But Kenny refused to let me wait.

So, here we were, sitting in Kenny’s minivan, waiting for me to gather the courage to get the hell out of the car and into his parents’ house.

“What if I can’t do it?” I asked, hesitating to open the car door.

“You can. I’ll be waiting right here,” Kenny said. The proposal was all set up for that night, but before we could go through with it, I had to officially get permission from Kenny’s parents. Everyone knew having their approval meant a lot to Kenny, even if this whole thing was fake. Maybe even more so because this whole thing was fake. If anyone found out Kenny got married without getting his parents’ blessing, they’d clock this whole thing as a sham before we finished saying our I do’s. Still, lyingto them felt wrong. Not wrong enough not to go through with it—I would do whatever it took to make this work—but wrong enough to make me feel like shit.

I took a deep breath before opening the door and walking over to their house. Kenny was pretty sure they’d approve, since their condition about Jackie had been about waiting longer, and Kenny and I had known each other for almost two decades. But I thought the opposite. Since Kenny and Jackie hadjustbroken up, that meant he and I couldn’t have been seeing each other very long at all. Still, if I went with the story Kenny came up with, it’d seem like a slow burn that’d been brewing our entire lives, not a spontaneous ploy to get citizenship. Not that they knew about my status.

I rang the doorbell and after a moment was greeted with a kiss on the cheek by Elisa and a firm hug from Cedric.

“Han, so good to see you! Come in!” Cedric said while Elisa ushered me inside. I kicked off my shoes before joining them on the couch. “Where’s Kenny?”

“It’s just me today.” I gave them a nervous smile. Back in high school, and while Kenny was in college, I’d sometimes drop by here by myself to wait for Kenny to be done with a class or play practice or Taekwondo, but Kenny hadn’t done any of that in years, so it’d been a while.

“What a sweet surprise! So sorry for the mess. I wasn’t expecting anyone,” Elisa said as she quickly fluffed some couch pillows, which was the only “mess” she could seem to find, as the house was cleaner than my permanent record.

“Coffee?” Cedric asked. “I would have made something if I knew you were coming!” I knew better than to deny Kenny’s parents an opportunity to provide hospitality, so I accepted the offer with a smile.

“Thanks, Papi,” I said. Calling Kenny’s parents Mami and Papi had started as a joke when I was much younger, but it’d grown to feel more natural calling them that than my own parents. Obviously they could never replace my parents, but it felt nice to call someoneheremom and dad.

In no time, we all sat on the couch with coffee a bit too hot to be sipped on just yet. I grasped the warm cup to keep my hands from shaking. The AC in the Bautista house was always freezing, but that wasn’t what caused the tremble.

“I wanted to talk to you guys about something really important to me,” I said. I told myself I’d keep the lying to a minimum. It was like Kenny had said, acting was easier if you used real emotions, and it was true that this was very important to me. I wished Kenny were here, but the act was supposed to be that he wouldn’t know anything about the proposal.

Cedric raised a bushy eyebrow, and Elisa gave a welcoming smile that made my guilt rise into my throat. I’d rehearsed what I would say so many times, I just had to get it out and over with.

“You guys know this, but Kenny is really important to me.” Another non-lie, but my breath quivered. Both Cedric and Elisa were silent, allowing me time to get it out. “He’s been a huge support for me my whole life, and I honestly couldn’t imagine life without him. Which is why”—I gulped—“it would mean the world to me if I could get your permission to marry him.” I couldn’t bring myself to look them in the eye. I hadn’t lied, sure, but this wholethingwas a lie. I put my mug down, still unable to look up from the floor.

“Han, honey, you know you’re like a son to us.” Elisa took my hand in both of hers and leaned forward. Looking into her eyes now, I could see where Kenny got his intensity from. “ButI worry about Kenny… about both of you. I don’t want to see either of you get hurt after jumping in too quickly.”

“I know, and I get that, Mami,” I started, trying my best to meet her gaze without disintegrating. I pulled Kenny’s story back into my head. “Trust me, I would never pressure Kenny to move faster than he was comfortable with, and if I had any hint that he wasn’t ready, I wouldn’t be asking.” I swallowed before letting my voice crack. “I know it looks like we’re going fast, but… I can’t even remember a time I didn’t love Kenny,” I admitted.

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