Page 59 of The Broposal

Han took a while before responding again. “You’re gonna kill it, bro.”

“Han! Not helping!”

His eyes widened. “Not like that! I meant as a dad! Like, you’re gonna kill itat parenting!”

I let out a strangled laugh that was more like a sob. “Sure, I will…”

It was all so weird. I had always wanted to be a dad, but not like this. This wasnothow it once played out in my head.

Han and I sat in silence for what felt like ages. Instead of talking more, I decided to just go ahead and take Luna on her walk already to avoid any further catastrophes. I finally got up from my knees, placing Thornelius back on the table. I went over to Han and offered him my hand, which he took so I could help him up and back onto the couch.

It only took about fifteen minutes of walking around before Luna did her business and seemed satisfied, so I headed backto find Han still on the couch, wringing his hands. It was the only outward sign he gave that said he was freaking out just like I was.

“What’s wrong?” I asked, since there was clearly something else on his mind.

Han shook his head but continued wringing his hands.

“Han…”

“So I guess the plan’s off then, huh…?” he said, voice low.

“What? Hell no, it’s not. I made you a promise. I can take responsibility with Jackie and marry you at the same time.”

Han’s eyebrows knitted together, and he leaned forward, bringing his thumb to my cheek. “What happened to your face?”

“What?” I used my phone camera to look at my face. I had a couple of scratches on my cheek. “Oh, that. I…” I didn’t know what to say. Jackie’s nails must have gotten me. Han knew me better than anyone, but Jackie hitting me was one thing I didn’t want him to know about. I just knew he’d overreact. “I tried to pet one of your cats. I guess she still has to warm up to me.”

Han smiled and shook his head. “You gotta let them come to you, man.”

“Yeah, well, I guess I learned that lesson.” I felt bad lying to Han, but I just didn’t know how to talk to him about this. Instead, I tried to make up for it by telling him something that was true. “I’m not gonna break off the wedding, but you should know, that’s definitely what Jackie wants me to do.”

“The fuck? Is sheevergoing to let you live your life?”

“It’s not like that. She’s just—”

“Abusive, Kenny. She’s abusive.” Han clenched his fists. “You should seriously get a restraining order or something.”

“What, why?” I asked, thrown off by the sudden outburst.

“She wants to control every aspect of your life. You’re notyourself around her. It doesn’t matter where she works. She’sabusive.”

“But she’s pregnant! And I’d never get a restraining order before you got naturalized. It’s too risky. Besides, the baby—”

“You can’t get back together with her. I’m not letting her near you. I swear to God—”

“Han! Just listen, okay?”

Han let out an aggravated breath through his nose, and I could have sworn I saw steam coming out.

“I’m not getting back together with her, all right? I learned my lesson. She’s… Sure, she’s abusive. I don’t want to get back with her, even if she’s pregnant. But I can’t get a restraining order. Even after you get citizenship. I don’t want to traumatize a kid like that.” Even if Han didn’t know the full story, he was right. This was the first time I had admitted to what I’d been thinking. Jackie was abusive. Even if some part of me knew it all along, I never let myself admit it before now. She slapped the shit out of me all the time, not to mention emotionally manipulated me every chance she got. Sure, some broken part of me still missed her, but it wasn’t worth getting back together. I would help her raise our kid, but there was no way I was putting myself through that again. That much I knew for sure. Han stopped wringing his hands but started bouncing one of his legs instead, so I put a hand on his knee. “I’m not going anywhere. I promise. We’re doing this.”

“I’m not worried about that right now. I’m worried aboutyou, bro.” Han clenched his jaw like he did when he didn’t want to look vulnerable. I wished he would let himself be more vulnerable, though, even if just a little bit. Then again, I was the one who might be a father, and I was comforting everyone but myself. But how could I not? Han was so concerned right now,it almost made me think maybe he’d seen through my lie about the cats.

“I’ll be fine.” My voice was too soft. Salty water blurred my vision once again.

“Hey, it’s gonna be okay, bro,” Han said, jaw unclenching.

“Stop calling me bro!” I burst out, surprising myself at how upset the word made me.

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