Page 73 of The Broposal

“Ohh, I think I see what’s going on here.”

“What?” I shook my head, trying to hide how tipsy I was.

“I mean, I think I do… I’m pretty sure I figured it out,” they said. “You and Han. You’re doing this for him, aren’t you? It’s not what you really want.”

“What? This is what I want!” I raised my voice slightly. Even though Leti was sort of right, they were wrong about me not wanting this. I wanted Han to stay, whatever it took.

“Really? Look, I’ve known you as long as Han has, and I know you tend to do things for other people and not think about yourself. But marrying someone ishuge, Kenny.”

“I know…” I didn’t even try to hide the annoyance in my voice. It was like they were convinced I hadn’t even thought this through.

“You’re doing it for his citizenship, aren’t you?”

I pressed my lips together. How the hell had they figured it out so quickly? And if Leti could figure it out, who else would? I didn’t say anything. I couldn’t confirm, but I knew if I denied it Leti would see right through that, too.

“I know you’re doing Han a huge favor, but like, if you’re not sure, you need to figure that shit out. This can’t be one of those decisions you let someone else make for you. You can’t be second-guessing this. It’s not fair to either of you. Fuck. Are you sure?”

“I’m sure!” I shouted this time.

“I’m just saying. If you’re going to change your mind… it’s better now than at the altar, you know?” Leti was talking so fast, it took me a few moments to put together what they were saying.

“Wait, does anyone else know?” I asked.

“I just figured it out right now, so no.” Leti shrugged. “So, you’re marrying Han so he can stay. It’s a noble gesture, really.”

“You can’t tell anyone, please,” I said.

“No shit. I want Han here as bad as you do. We all want it to work out. Just don’t be all wishy-washy.” They pointed a finger at me. “Be sure. If you’re not sure, you need to tell him. Don’t get his hopes up for nothing. That’s fucked up.”

“I said I was sure,” I said, though considering I’d gotten caught with Jackie just now, I could imagine Leti wasn’t buying it.

“Promise me,” Leti said solemnly.

“I promise.” I nodded. “Han’s the one with the commitment problems. I don’t know why you’re worried aboutme.”

“Because you always do everything for other people without thinking about what you really want. But this is too big a deal for you to figure out that you don’t really want this when it’s too late. It’s like, all you want from life is to be of service. That’s no life to live.”

Leti was right. But they also weren’t. Sure, maybe I wanted to be of service. But that wasn’t why I was doing this. “Look, Han is the only person in my life who makes sure I put myself into the equation. He’s the only one whocaresif I actually want to do whatever I’m doing. Of course I want to marry him. I’d do anything for him.” I felt myself getting emotional, and I couldn’t tell if it was the alcohol or the much-too-belated realization that this whole thing might not be as fake as we had originally planned.

“Oh… oh no,” Leti said.

“What?”

“You love him, don’t you?”

“I mean, yeah. Obviously.”

“No, I mean, youlovehim.”

“I…” I started, but I’d done my best to avoid asking myself that question this whole time. But with the answer staring me in the face, there was no way I could deny it.

“Don’t tell me. Tellhim.” Leti was smiling now.

“I don’t want to complicate it. Han can’t be a rebound.”

“He’s not a rebound. You’ve known him your whole life.”

“I know, but—”

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