Page 86 of The Broposal

“I’m just here for Luna and my shit,” I said, and it came out colder than Kenny deserved. I knew none of this was his fault, but that didn’t make it any easier to have to see him. We’d said our goodbyes yesterday, and it was easier if we just ended things there. A clean break.

“I was gonna bring your stuff to you. I already got it all together,” Kenny said, wiping his nose. “I’ll help you take it down.”

I sighed. I really didn’t know how I was going to get all my stuff back downstairs, so no matter how shitty I felt seeing Kenny, I had to admit it made things easier. “Okay.”

Kenny walked over to my room and came out a few moments later with my suitcase and a few other items. He looked at Luna like he wanted to scoop her up in a hug but stopped himself. His lip quivered just a bit, and he sniffled and wiped his nose again. “I’ll get her leash.”

Guilt wrapped around my throat at the thought of taking Luna away from Kenny. Yes, she was my dog, but he was clearly her favorite. Was it even fair to take her away from her home and her favorite person? Luna couldn’t understand what was happening, but I knew deep down if she had to choose between me and Kenny, she’d choose Kenny. She’d be happier with him.

“Goddammit,” I let out a frustrated breath. “There’s no room for Luna at my tíos’ house. I’ll leave her here, for now.”

Kenny looked up at me, eyes big and teary and confused. He wiped them and nodded, his voice shaky. “Thank you, Han.”

He opened the door for me, then started lugging the bag down the stairs while I followed.

“I can drive you back?” Kenny asked, a hopeful gleam in his eye.

I wanted to say yes so badly. Wanted to spend just a little more time with him. But I couldn’t. I needed to accept the fact that this was over, and so did Kenny. We couldn’t be seen together.

“I’ll just get an Uber.” I grabbed the suitcase when we got to the bottom of the steps. I struggled to drag the suitcase to the curb while hopping with the crutch under my other arm.

“Can I at least pay for the ride?” Kenny asked.

“You can’t fix this!” I snapped, and the hurt look on Kenny’s face broke me. But I couldn’t be feeling sorry for him right now. I needed to focus on me. I’d gotten through my whole life up to this point, and I would get through this, too.

But I hadn’t gotten through a damn thing without Kenny by my side.

“Can you please just go?” I said, trying to keep my voice steady, but it was betraying me.

Kenny stared at me a moment longer with tears in his eyes. I wanted to pull him close and wipe them away. But without another word, he turned and ran up the stairs, leaving me alone on the curb.

CHAPTER THIRTY-FOUR

KENNY

Ihadn’t eaten since Han left last night. The only things in the fridge were a tub of ice cream and the last slice of pizza from the party, which I couldn’t bring myself to eat. The last slice was for Han. The last slice was always supposed to be for Han.

You can’t fix this!

Han’s words echoed in my mind long after he’d left with his things. No matter what I did or said from here on out, it couldn’t make up for the fact that I’d completely betrayed the most important person to me in the whole world. Even if it was Jackie who’d done the blackmailing, I couldn’t help but feel responsible. I was the one who set up the whole fake marriage idea and got Han’s hopes up in the first place.

But there had to besomethingI could do, right? I found myself wandering into Han’s room, looking for something that maybe I’d forgotten to pack so I could bring it to him later, even though it wasn’t like I could fit much more than clothes and his laptop and chargers into a suitcase. My eyeswent straight for Han’s desk, where his laptop usually was. Of course, that was one of the first things I’d packed for him, but it felt so weird not being able to leave him a little sticky note right now. This wasn’t something my shitty drawings of red pandas could fix.

Still, I went to the hall closet looking for a sticky note anyway. Maybe I would feel better if I just pretended like everything was normal. Han would never see this note, but I still felt like I needed to write one. But I opened the closet to find I’d already used the last one.

Han must have had some in his desk, though, right? I went back to Han’s room and opened the top drawer on his desk.

A sort of half whimper, half laugh escaped my mouth. There were sticky notes in here, all right. But they weren’t fresh ones. I’d always thought Han had just thrown away my stickies after he’d found them, but this drawer was practically overflowing.

He’d kept them. All of them.

But I couldn’t bear to look. I shut the desk drawer faster than I’d opened it. Whatever light feeling I got from seeing that Han had kept my notes came crashing down with the realization that I’d never be able to give him another one again.

I made my way back to the living room like a zombie. How could this possibly be my life? I knew I should have been working, but I couldn’t bring myself to go in. Instead, I sat bundled up in a blanket burrito on the living room couch, hugging a tub of chocolate ice cream in one arm and Thornelius in the other. I had Luna cuddled in my lap while I watchedCocoand cried my eyes out. It felt so off watching this movie without Han, but Han’s favorite movie was the only thing that could bring me even an ounce of comfort right now. My phone buzzed, and Iscrambled for it, almost dropping the ice cream to the ground in my frantic search.

My heart sank when I saw it wasn’t Han’s name displayed across the screen. I knew the chances of him calling were low, but I wanted to talk to him so badly.

Jackie again.

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