Page 88 of The Broposal

“I know…” I hung my head, even more embarrassed now. I didn’t ask for a lecture on the state of my fridge.

My mom seemed to soften up when I stopped meeting her gaze. “I’ll be back, okay?” she said, then turned around and started putting her shoes back on.

“Where are you going?” I asked.

“To get you some groceries.” Before I could protest, she was out the door.

Wow, my parents really weren’t about to let me wallow, were they? I couldn’t lie and say I didn’t appreciate it, though. I had to admit I really didn’t want to be alone in the apartment. Before they showed up, all I could think about was Han. Howall I wanted to do was talk to him. To hug him. Kiss him. Take everything back. But I couldn’t.

I plopped myself down on the couch, and my dad joined me.

“If it hurts to talk about it, we don’t have to. We can just sit together.”

I realized then how desperately Ididwant to talk about it. Tears started streaming down my face without my permission.

“I called off the wedding.” The words brought a guttural sob out of me. I’d called off the wedding.

My dad started rubbing my back as the tears kept coming, waiting for me to say more. I wanted to tell him everything. About it being my fault Han got fired. My fault Han hurt his ankle. How Jackie had blackmailed me into calling off the wedding. But I was afraid if I told him, he’d try to get involved and Jackie might retaliate. I couldn’t imagine my parents finding all this out and not getting involved. Maybe they’d blame me, too.

“It’s all my fault” was all I managed to say.

We were silent for a while before my dad spoke up again. “Do you still want to get married?”

“Yes!” I sobbed. I could be honest about at least that. “But he’s never gonna forgive me.”

“Have you apologized?” he asked. “And I don’t mean in the heat of the moment. Once you both calmed down, did you apologize sincerely?”

I wiped my nose. I hadn’t spoken to Han since he came back for his things. I swallowed the lump in my throat as realization hit. “No, I didn’t.”

“Talk to him, then. Maybe he’ll surprise you.”

But what my dad didn’t know was that an apology wouldn’t mean a thing if we couldn’t get married. Sure, if I apologized to Han, he would say it was fine. That it wasn’t my fault. Butforgiveness? I doubted it. It’d be more like denial. Denial that anything was wrong between us, but we’d be distant. We’d drift further and further apart until I eventually accepted my loss.

That fear was enough to keep me up at night.

The next morning, I ignored my Sunday cleaning alarm. Sunday, December first. The month Han and I were supposed to get married. There was no point in cleaning today. I felt like it would somehow be a betrayal. Han and I had established Sunday speed cleaning when we’d just moved in together. I would rather have a dirty apartment than have to clean alone for the first time since then. So, I stayed in bed, wallowing like the pathetic piece of shit I was.

As much as I wanted to, I knew I shouldn’t call in to work two days in a row. I lay in my bed, hugging Luna as my alarm rang and rang. I hugged her harder instead of turning it off, and she licked my cheek, as if to reassure me that it would all be okay. Finally, I shut off the alarm and kissed Luna on her forehead. I still couldn’t believe Han let her stay here with me, even if it was temporary. I didn’t know what I would do without that dog. I felt like I’d lost everything, but at least I still had Luna and my parents.

I had half a mind to order pizza, just to make myself feel better. It was Sunday, after all. But I didn’t deserve pizza. I didn’t deserve any of the groceries my mom had gotten me, either. Instead, I went to work on an empty stomach.

I went through the motions at the restaurant but didn’t bring my usual happy-go-lucky server charm. I knew my tips would suffer for it, but I couldn’t bring myself to be cheery right now. I would never share a flirty workday with Han again. I mightnever share a workday with Han, period. It took all the self-control I had in me to keep from bursting out in tears in front of a customer.

“How’s Han doing?” Julia asked when we were both grabbing plates from the kitchen. She sounded all concerned. “I heard he got fired. That’s terrible.”

I clenched my jaw. Han was probably doing worse than I was. What was I supposed to say? That I’d called off the wedding? That Han was homeless now? That I had no idea how he was doing, because he would never want to talk to me again?

“He’s okay” was all I could bring myself to say.

Julia gave a solemn nod, like she knew there was more to it, but she didn’t pry. Throughout the whole shift, people kept asking about Han. Everyone was worried about him.

As soon as my break came along, I knocked on Daniel’s office door. I had to at least try to convince him to give Han his job back.

“Come in!” Daniel’s muffled voice rang out from the other side of the door. I went inside the office, closing the door behind me before I sat down in the chair in front of Daniel’s desk. “What’s up, Kenny?”

“I wanted to talk to you about Han.”

“What’s done is done. I can’t really do anything about it now.”

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