Page 98 of The Broposal

Kenny didn’t hesitate. “I’ll work extra shifts until you find one.”

I sighed. Part of me thought Daniel might have realized hewas wrong and rehired me, but if he hadn’t by now, he probably wasn’t going to.

“It’ll be okay. I promise.”

“Fine,” I said. I didn’t mean to sound so short with Kenny, but I was still a little caught off guard by the fact that he was at Jackie’s in the first place. I trusted Kenny, and Jackie’s threat was no longer holding me down, but I still felt sick to my stomach. It was like my mind and body hadn’t fully processed yet that I was off the hook.

Kenny seemed to notice I wasn’t as excited as he was. He kept his eyes on the road for the most part, but every now and then he spared a quick glance at me like he was trying to read my energy.

“It’s a good thing I procrastinated canceling all the wedding plans.” Kenny laughed.

Was the wedding still on? For some reason, the thought didn’t comfort me as much as it should have. I had to admit… I was pissed. Pissed about Kenny being at Jackie’s house. Pissed that I had to risk everything today in hopes Jackie would give up on her threat. Pissed about, well, this entire situation. On one hand, I could have just asked him why he was there. It was possible he had a good explanation, right? He probably did. But if he didn’t, I didn’t know if I could keep from showing my anger. If I admitted I was mad, would he call off the wedding again? I wished I didn’t have to rely on Kenny, but I did. So, I had to just go along with it. I just had to be happy Kenny was still willing to go through with the wedding. No, I didn’t have the right to be mad.

“I mean… if you still want to. I totally get if you want to sort through all the complicated feelings and everything first.”

“Fuck that,” I said without thinking. I knew I should have been better at talking about my feelings by now, but what wasthe point? I didn’t want to find out that Kenny didn’t have feelings for me anymore. Didn’t want to talk about Jackie. Didn’t want to talk about any of it. I obviously still had feelings for Kenny, or I wouldn’t have been upset about seeing him at Jackie’s, but I wasn’t sure I wanted him to know that at the moment. Especially if things had changed for him.

“So, the wedding’s still on. We’re still doing this.” Then he looked at me again, and his expression fell as the car stopped in front of a railroad crossing. “Do you not want to anymore?”

“It’s not like that,” I said.

Kenny paused for a while before saying anything else. “It’s okay if you’re mad,” he said, as if he’d just read my mind.

“I’m not mad,” I lied, glancing at the train slowly making its way by, trying to find the end, which was nowhere in sight.

“You’re not?”

“You’re marrying me, aren’t you? I’m getting my citizenship. Can’t be mad about that.”

“That’s bullshit,” Kenny spat. “You shouldn’t have had to go through any of this. You should be pissed. Youarepissed, I know you are. And you have every right to be. None of this was fair to you.”

“Why do youwantme to be mad?” I asked.

“Because I deserve it!” Kenny shouted, gripping the wheel tight even though we were still stopped. “Be mad!”

I balled my hands into fists. “You know what, Kenny? I am mad. I’m pissed. This whole thing is so messed up. I want to hate you!” I hit the car door with the side of my fist, and Kenny flinched like he thought I was about to swing at him. “Kenny, I wasn’t gonna—I would never…” Kenny thinking I’d hit him forced me to soften up a little. He was used to getting hit when someone was mad.

He swallowed. “I… I know you wouldn’t. Sorry, I didn’t mean to react, I…” Tears came to his eyes. “I know this is what I asked for. I’m so sorry, Han. It’s okay if you hate me.”

“I don’t hate you. I could never hate you…”I love you, I wanted to say. My voice softened, and it was true. Even if Kenny broke off the wedding for good, I wouldn’thatehim. Not really. There was nothing on earth Kenny could do that would make mehatehim. With that realization, I let out a deep sigh. I might as well ask. “Why were you at Jackie’s?”

“I was—” Then his eyes widened. “Oh my gosh, it wasn’t like that! Leti confronted Jackie last night, and I thought it might have made her want to make good on her threat, so I went over to do damage control. I was just trying to convince her not to do it. Which in hindsight feels kind of silly since she was apparently never going to do it in the first place…”

“Neither of us could have known that, though, and it seemed like something we couldn’t risk,” I said, running my hand down my face, embarrassed. “Thanks for looking out.”

“I’ll always look out for you,” Kenny said, eyes concentrated on mine. “Still, it’s okay if you’re mad or if you hate me. I would still marry you. I would do anything for you, Han.” Somehow, I knew he meant it. I knew the only reason he broke things off in the first place was to protect me. It still just wasn’t fair.

Before I could react, Kenny got out of the car and, right there in front of the backed-up train crossing, jogged over to my side. He opened the passenger door. The hell was he doing?

Then he was down on one knee.

“Han, will you please marry me? Will you move back in? You don’t have to forgive me. I get it if you’re mad. But marry me? I lo—I… I want to help, Han. Please, at least let me help you get your green card. Marry me.” He shouted his whole spiel over therumbling train, but I heard it just fine. Even if half of me thought I was imagining this whole thing. Kenny, asking me to marry him one last time. How could I say no? The phrase finally made sense to me. Not because I wanted to say no but couldn’t, but because I couldn’t find a single bone in my body that wanted to give Kenny anything butyes.

“Okay,” I said, feeling a little choked up. I couldn’t say much. Any grateful words I wanted to say caught in my throat. I really was thankful, but I couldn’t bring myself to say it. The last time I admitted my feelings to Kenny, I got burned. And I knew it wasn’t his fault, but I didn’t want to repeat history. I had cried more times since we admitted how we felt about each other than I had in my entire adult life, so I blinked the tears away. “Okay.”

CHAPTER THIRTY-EIGHT

KENNY

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