Kenny had been glued to the laptop ever since Leti and Tatiana left. Curious about what was behind his screen, I paused my game. Kenny didn’t use social media and rarely used thatcomputer unless he was doing research. His brows scrunched together in concentration as he typed.
“Whatcha doin’?” I wasn’t trying to be nosy, but it just came out.
Kenny startled, then cleared his throat and pushed his glasses up his nose with his index finger.
“Um, nothing! Just… research.”
“For what?”
“You know…” Kenny glanced up at me with a shy smile. “Like, immigration stuff.”
I blew out a frustrated breath. “What are you researching that shit for?”
He answered like he’d practiced his response already. “You could get insurance, so you can finally fix your ankle. You can go to school. Figure out what you’re passionate about, and then, likedo it. Discover your dream job. It wouldn’t even be that hard, logistically. We already have proof of our life together! We have pictures from childhood. We know literally everything about each other for the USCIS interview. We have our lease, Luna, and Thornelius!” Kenny closed the laptop and adjusted himself so he was cross-legged facing me. “It’s like you said before, this isn’t a game. It was never a game to me, Han.”
I stroked Luna nervously. I believed Kenny about him being serious, but it hadn’t really clicked before. It wasn’t like I didn’t know everything I was missing out on, but I couldn’t be mad at Kenny for bringing it up. Not since he was actually offering a solution. I had to admit, going to college was always a distant dream. When Kenny went to university and I was stuck working, it stung. I wasn’t really the jealous type, but there was no denying I wanted what Kenny had. College was where people discovered their passions and nurtured them.
Well, except for Kenny. He studied nursing, and that obviously wasn’t where he ended up. By the time it came to actually sticking needles in people, he realized he was squeamish around blood. At least he loved food service.
Kenny’s passion was people. He was totally content at his job, where he got to please customers all day. At least when Kenny was in college I could help him with homework and shit. Not that nursing was my calling, but it was nice to pretend I had a promising career ahead of me.
I never really let myself get my hopes up for anything else. To be honest, I didn’t really know what I was passionate about, and it kind of ticked me off that Kenny noticed. He knew I never got too into any one thing, because I’d never have the opportunity to pursue those dreams.
But what if I could?
And an even scarier question: What if I let myself get my hopes up just for it to fall apart? Of course I wanted this, but it was unrealistic. Kenny just wanted to make me happy. He didn’t actually want tomarry me.
“You know this isn’t something you can decide on a whim when you’re going through something, right? Let’s say I agreed to the fake marriage thing. Then Jackie wants you back. And if it’s not Jackie, you’ll find another ‘Adam’ or someone else. What happens to me when you can’t handle being alone anymore?”
“I don’t care about dating anyone else. Not until you’re safe. For good. It’s like you said, I’m never alone. Not if you’re here.” He smiled, and goddammit, who gave him the right to give methatlook while sayingthosethings?
I searched his eyes for any sign of a bluff. I knew he wouldn’t do that to me, not on purpose, but had he really thought this through? “You haven’t been single since puberty. Do you reallythink you could hold out?” I almost hoped he’d cave and admit it wasn’t possible, just so I wouldn’t have my hopes up.
“I told you it’s not a game to me! Maybe I offered a little abruptly, but I only did that because I knew, from the second it crossed my mind, that marrying you for your citizenship was a future I’d be happy with.”
At that, Kenny leaned forward and grabbed me by the shoulders like he was afraid I’d slip through his fingers if he didn’t hold on tight. Hell, he might have been onto something because I fully wanted to melt into the couch at his offer. His touch kept me solid, and his stare kept me hooked on every word.
“I’m not going anywhere, okay? I know it’s a huge privilege to beableto promise you that. All I want is for you to have the option to make me the same promise someday.” He finally let go of my shoulders.
“It’s not that simple…” I looked away to avoid the intense staring. It made me feel naked, like my soul was laid bare only for his eyes.
“I get why you’re hesitant, like, this ismewe’re talking about!” He laughed. “I’m not always confident with my choices. I can admit that. But when it comes to you? I’ve never hesitated. I didn’t question choosing you over Jackie for a second.”
“What are you talking about…?”
“That’s why we broke up,” Kenny admitted. “Second easiest decision of my life.”
I laughed, torn between looking away to hide and searching those eyes for an ounce of uncertainty. I chose the latter, but found none. Had he really chosen me over the girl he’d been with since puberty? “Um, what was the first easiest?” I asked, if only to get the attention on something that made me question my entire existence a little less.
“Marrying you, of course.” Kenny smiled.
I couldn’t help but laugh. Not because it was a joke, but because I’d never felt lighter. Kenny was offering me the opportunity of a lifetime. Wouldn’t I hate myself forever if I didn’t take it?
“If you’re serious… What the hell. Let’s do it.” I could feel the weight lifting from my shoulders. If we did this right, if it all worked out perfectly, I could stay… I’d thought of marrying someone for citizenship before, but it never felt right. I never wanted to put someone in that position. But Kennywantedthis. He waschoosingthis.
“Really?” Kenny’s face lit up as he hopped off the couch to pull me into a way-too-tight hug.
“We can’t tell anyone it’s not real,” I said.