Page 44 of The Broposal

“I don’t know when she’s coming back, mijo. Just tell me.” I could barely make out the details, but when my dad moved to sit on the couch, the camera shifted, and I saw that the livingroom was connected to the kitchen, unlike the one he and my mom called from last time. Had it been that long?

“You moved?” I asked.

“Staying with a friend. You know how it is,” he answered, with the slightest hint of a frown.

“I don’t, actually. I can send some money?” A guilty hole formed in my chest. If I had called more, I could have helped. I didn’t make bank, but I could probably squeeze out an extra hundred bucks or so a month.

My dad clicked his tongue and waved me away. “Keep your money, mijo. God knows your mami can’t be trusted with it.”

Oh. Last time I spoke with my mom, she’d been sober for a year. But it sounded like she might have been using again.

“Is she… you know…?” I started, but I couldn’t finish without my voice betraying the lump in my throat.

“Don’t worry. We’re working on it. So, what’s your big news?”

I wanted to think she was in rehab getting better, but I knew my parents couldn’t afford that. So she was using. She’d always struggled with addiction. A memory resurfaced of her desperately trying to sell me for drugs. One of my only clear memories of her. My parents acted like that never happened. Like I was too young to remember, but I remembered.

They sent me here to live with my tíos after that. They never flat-out said it, but I knew it was to protect me from my mom’s negligence. But she seemed so much better the last time we spoke. Another pang of guilt tugged at my heart for not reaching out sooner. For not answering when she had called, or even calling back. I should have at least checked in.

“Talk to me, Papi. What’s going on?” I wished my dad would just be up front, no matter how hard it was to talk about. Shit, I was starting to sound like Kenny. I wondered if I’d gotten myemotionally stunted habits from my dad, even if I lived without his influence most of my life. Could that kind of thing be genetic?

“There’s no time, mijo. Just tell me your news.”

I sighed. “Okay, I’ll tell you, but please have Mami call me when she can, okay?”

“I’ll have her call when she’s better. So what’s this news, mijo? What’s bothering you?” He gave me a reassuring smile, and I relaxed a little.

“Actually, everything is really great. I’m… getting married.” I forced myself to smile despite what I’d just learned about my mom. In contrast, my dad’s smile didn’t look forced at all.

“You really are grown now, aren’t you?” he said. “Who’s the lucky lady?”

“Um, well, it’s Kenny.”

I had introduced Kenny to my parents on video chats before, but I never explained the nature of our relationship. I’d be surprised if my parents hadn’t made the same assumption as everyone else.

“This is so you can get citizenship, verdad?”

“What? No!” I said, defensive against the correct assumption. I hated how quickly he came to that conclusion.

“Mijo, I don’t see why you can’t just marry a nice girl,” he said, and I had to resist the urge to hang up on him.

“I don’t want to marry a nice girl. I want to marry Kenny. It’s not just a gimmick. I…” I felt myself getting heated, but I had no words to articulate it. Just then Kenny walked into the room, giving me two thumbs-up for encouragement. “I love him…” I finally finished. I don’t know; it felt like the right thing to say.

My dad put his hands up in defeat. “All right, all right. Iwon’t judge how you’re doing it. I’m just happy you’re gonna be a citizen.”

“I’m not doing it for citizenship!” My dad knowing made my forehead bead with sweat. At the same time, I figured he was desperate to dismiss the idea of me marrying a man for love.

“Okay, enough of this. So what else is new in your life?”

“What else? I’m gettingmarried. It’s kind of a big deal.” I didn’t want to admit that there really wasn’t anything else going on in my life. My whole life had been constant mediocrity. I was never able to do the things I really wanted to do for fear of attracting too much attention. I had to work a job I hated, skip college. Forget about living my dreams—I didn’t even let myself have any. Hell, I couldn’t even travel across state lines. I knew my parents sent me here so I’d be safer, but I was still constantly looking over my shoulder.

“I love him…” I repeated. Of course it was true, even if we were best friends. Still, I wasn’t one to go blurting out my feelings. The guise of it being fake was freeing that way. Ironically, it allowed me to say how I really felt.

“Okay, okay, I get it,” Papi said.

“I have to go.” I hung up before my dad could voice any more judgment. I wasn’t sure why, but his disapproval hurt more than the guilt of Elisa and Cedric’s approval. The guilt from spinning all these lies melted away. Now all I felt was heat flushing my cheeks and twisting my hands into fists.

Kenny sat next to me and swung an arm over my shoulders.

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