Page 54 of The Broposal

I didn’t know why Kenny set the no-kissing rule, but I didn’t want him to feel like he had to break it again just for me to check something off an arbitrary list when no one was even around to see.

“Only if you want to.” I knew the hall outside our bedrooms wasn’t exactly a doorstep, but that hardly mattered.

“For good luck.” He smiled, then put a hand on my cheek and slid it behind my neck, pulling me down as he stood on his toes.

His lips softly pressed against mine for a tiny moment before he pulled away, leaving me leaning after him at the loss of contact.

He smiled all big. “Congratulations on losing your doorstep-kiss virginity.”

“Thanks.” I laughed, not bothering to correct him on the exact verbiage. “So, the rule’s back on?”

Kenny nodded, but there was something to his expression I couldn’t quite read.

“Okay. Good night, then,” I said, trying to hold myself together enough that he wouldn’t realize how desperately I wanted to do that again.

“Good night.” Kenny turned, letting me open his door before disappearing into his room. I did the same, closing my door behind me and leaning my back against it.

Maybe I wanted just a little more time with the illusion before it shattered. Maybe I wanted more than just a fake version of a rom-com staple. I wasn’t sure what came over me, but I swung my door back open, only to see Kenny’s door swinging open, too, and we were suddenly face-to-face.

“Maybe just one more?” I asked, and at the same time Kenny said:

“It was a stupid rule.”

And we crashed into each other.

This time was different. We weren’t kissing to fool anyone, or to check something off a list. This time we kissed because wewantedto. For the first time in my life, I felt like I understood what all the hype was around kissing.

Kissing, touching, and sex had always been something I did when I had nothing better to kill the time with. I always felt like the other person was experiencing something I couldn’t comprehend.

Until now.

Now I didn’t know if anything made sense to me but this. In the past I’d acted like I didn’t know why all my relationships with girls failed. I pretended it was simply fear of commitment, but I couldn’t lie to myself anymore. The truth was I didn’t really want them.

The realization hit me like a semi, and I suddenly pulled away from Kenny, whose eyes fluttered open in surprise.

“Is something wrong?”

“I just…” I wanted to give him something to go off of, but what was I supposed to say?Sorry, I just realized I’ve had feelings for you this entire time?I couldn’t put that on him. Besides, I wasn’t sure if I was ready to jump into anything literal seconds after realizing I was the cause of every one of my past relationships failing. And if Kenny didn’t feel the same about me, I didn’t want him to feel any kind of pressure for the marriage to be anything other than what we’d planned. If I wasn’t careful, my stupid feelings could ruin everything. “I uh… I guess I had more to drink than I thought.”

It was a horrible lie, and I felt awful for breaking our one roommate rule of not bullshitting each other, but I couldn’t do this. Not yet.

“Wait, you’re drunk?” Kenny asked, his eyes widening slightly. “I didn’t realize—”

“It’s cool.” I forced a laugh. “I should go to bed though.”

I didn’t wait for Kenny to chivalrously open the door for me. I just turned around and went back to my room, leaving Kenny in the hallway with no explanation.

I’d hardly gotten any sleep when my alarm woke me up the next morning for Sunday cleaning. Despite barely getting any rest, I was up before Kenny, so it was my job to wake him up, no matter how much I hated doing that. There was no sleeping in on Sundays (Kenny’s rule, not mine), so I went into his room and nudged his shoulder.

“No!” Kenny shouted as he bolted upright at the contact, eyes shooting open as he swung his arm and hit me right in my mouth.

I laughed despite the pulsing in my lip.

“Oh my God, I’m so sorry!” Kenny said, hand covering his mouth.

“I’m fine. It’s all good,” I said as I sucked in my bottom lip to check for the taste of blood. Nothing.

Kenny gently touched my lip with his index finger and inspected it. His gaze slowly rose to meet mine and then went back down to my lips. Warmth rose in my cheeks, and I swore Kenny could sense the skipped pulse in my heart with how close we were.

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