Page 29 of Lost In The Dark

“Better. I guess I needed to sleep,” I shrugged as I sat on the bed, hoping to keep him from seeing the scars and wounds I knew covered my back.

“I’m glad. You look much better. Think you’re up to some breakfast?” He was standing opposite me, leaving some distance between us.

“Maybe,” I hedged, not really feeling hungry, but knowing I should try to eat.

“Good. Why don’t I step out while you get dressed, then I can help you downstairs? Asher’s already down there,” he explained.

“D-do you have something I can wear? I mean…I can wear these again, but I sh-should wash them first, if that’s okay?” I floundered nervously. I hated to ask for anything after all they had done for me, but clothes were kind of essential.

“There should be some clothes in the closet. Adam said he bought you a few things after I sent a guess of your sizes,” Eli said as he backed up to the closet and pulled it open to look inside. “It’s not much, but we can get more when you’re up to shopping. We didn’t want to buy too much in case I guessed the size wrong. Did you find the toiletries in the bathroom too?”

“Th-they were for me?” I asked with surprise.

“Of course, Addy. This is your room now. Everything in here is for you,” Eli sighed as he walked over to me and crouched before me. “I know it’s not much, and this room is so bland it could make you scream, but we’ll get more things when you’re ready, and I am totally helping you bring some life into this bedroom. We want you to make this your home. We want you to feel safe and comfortable here.”

“Thank you,” I whispered, too choked up to squeeze more words out.

“You’re welcome. Now get dressed. I’ll be right out in the hall if you need me, okay?”

I nodded and smiled in an attempt to reassure him. He nodded, then rose to his feet and left the room, pulling the door closed behind him.

I had to fight back the emotions that threatened to overwhelm me as I moved to the closet and looked through the selection of clothes there. Even though they were mainly just jeans, leggings, t-shirts, and sweaters, they were clearly expensive. I moved to the drawers in the center of the space and found one filled with panties of all different colors, in silk, lace, and cotton. Below, in the next drawer were several sports bras that I could make work. In the other drawers there were socks and even pajamas. If Adam had stocked this for me, he really had seemed to think of everything.

I pulled on some underwear and the sports bra, then a butter soft pair of designer jeans and a soft cream sweater that said it was cashmere on the label hanging from it. I wasn’t even sure what cashmere was, but it definitely felt very costly as I slid it on.

I grabbed some socks, but left the sneakers, knowing how much pain I’d be in if I even tried to bend to get them on and the laces tied.

Before I left the room I returned to the bathroom and grabbed a hair tie. I hadn’t wanted to take one before, but now that I knew they were for me, I used one to tie my wet hair up in a messy bun. I didn’t understand, but something about it being down and loose was making me feel on edge.

I glanced in the mirror over the vanity briefly, but just the sight of my red ringed eyes and pale face was enough, and I quickly walked back out and resolved not to bother doing such a foolish thing again. I already knew I wasn’t myself. I didn’t need to see the proof in the mirror.

“Hey, look at you!” Eli exclaimed with a smile when I stepped out into the hall. He was leaning against the wall opposite my bedroom door, dressed in jeans and a t-shirt. He’d have lookedso relaxed and casual if I hadn’t noticed the tension in his face. “You look great.”

“You’re a very kind man,” I told him as he stepped forward and wrapped his arm around my shoulders. I tensed, sure I’d feel the fear rush through me at his touch, but it didn’t come and I was able to relax against him and take some of the strain from my damaged ribs.

“What do you mean?” he asked as we started towards the stairs slowly.

“I know I look pretty far from great right now,” I told him.

“You do,” he argued. “Definitely much better than you looked last night.”

“I’ll agree with that.” I was grateful as he gripped me even tighter as we started down the stairs, taking a lot of my weight and making the descent mildly less painful and exhausting. “I’m s-sorry if I was rude…last night, I mean. I was just s-so tired.”

“No apologies, shortcake,” Eli cut in. “We could all see how exhausted you were. And you weren’t rude at all. Adam and Jord know what you’ve been through. They get that it will take time for you to warm up to them.”

“It’ll be better now I’m n-not so tired,” I told him. “I wasn’t like this before. Shy, I guess. I’ve always been kind of shy, but I wasn’t scared of people before. Now it seems like I’m afraid of everyone.”

“I think after what happened to you, that’s perfectly understandable, especially when you don’t remember most of it. I guess fear is probably your body’s way of trying to protect you.”

“That makes sense,” I agreed as I processed his words. That was how it felt – as though my body was filling with fear as a warning, even though I didn’t really understand why.

“You’re safe here though, Addy. Asher and I will never hurt you or allow anyone else to. Adam and Jordan too. They’re family. All any of us wants is to be here for you.”

“I know,” I nodded. “I trust you and Asher. I…I feel safe with the both of you. I guess it might just take some time with the others though.”

“That’s okay. You take all of the time you need. In the meantime Asher or I will always be here with you. We’re not going to leave your side until you feel ready for it, okay?” He turned to face me as we reached the bottom of the long staircase and I looked up into his eyes, which were like a reflection of my own. “We may not know exactly what you need, but we’re your brothers, and we’ll do everything we can to take care of you from now on.”

I was once again choked up by his kind words. Too choked up to reply, so instead I grabbed his hand where it hung over my shoulder and squeezed it tight. I wanted him to know how much his words meant to me. I wanted him to see it in my face as I smiled through glassy eyes, just how much braver I felt when he or Asher were at my side already.

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