Page 35 of Lost In The Dark

“Here honey, take these. They’re just Tylenol for the pain,” Adam said, startling me once more. When I looked up he was sliding two pills and a bottle of water across the counter towards me. I watched as he released them, then backed up a few steps again, setting me at ease enough to reach for the pills. I looked at them, relieved when I saw the brand name printed on them. I didn’t know Adam well enough to just take whatever he handed me without checking. Being lax had already destroyed my life. I could never allow that to happen again.

“Thanks,” I whispered as I grabbed the bottle, then realized opening it would be a struggle with my cast wrist. I cradled itbetween my body and my arm and managed to twist the cap, then scolded myself at how happy I was about that pathetic victory. I swallowed down the pills and prayed they’d do something to lessen the pain I was in.

“Can I make you something to eat? You missed breakfast and lunch. You have to be hungry?” Adam asked.

“Not really,” I replied as I put down the water and looked to him nervously. “But I know I sh-should try to eat something. It…I think it’s been a while.”

“Maybe something light? How about some eggs?” he offered kindly.

“If it’s not too much trouble?”

“Of course not. I love to cook. If you’re ever looking for me, I’ll either be in here, or the gym on the ground floor. That’s all I do - cook, workout, sleep, repeat,” he chuckled as he set to work getting eggs and a pan out.

I smirked at the idea he felt he needed to mention how much he worked out. The fact was abundantly clear from his ripped body.

“How long have you lived here…with Asher and Eli, I mean?”

“We’ve known each other since we were kids. When Jord and I lost our parents, I kind of lost it for a while, and Asher moved us in here so he could help me with Jordan, who was still just a kid.”

“I’m sorry…a-about your parents.”

“It was a long time ago,” he assured me as he glanced up with a sad smile. “I owe Asher a lot though. He took care of Jordan when I couldn’t.”

I looked to him with question, wondering if I should really pry further with a man I had scarcely met.

“Drugs,” he told me anyway. “My parents died in a car accident. I managed to get Jordan out, but I didn’t have time to save mom and dad. I got burned pretty badly and fucked up my shoulder trying. I got hooked on the pain meds the doctors gave me. One thing led to another, and several very dark years later I found myself alone, beaten half to death in some shitty drug house.

“That was rock bottom for me. I came to Asher, desperate for help, and he was there for me. He’s always been there for me – him and Eli. I did a stint in rehab, then came to live here. Jordan was already here and had been for the years I’d abandoned him. Six years later and I’ve stayed clean, but Asher won’t let us move out. He says we’re family and I can’t argue with that.”

I stared at him, slightly slack jawed. I couldn’t imagine him addicted to drugs, not that I knew much about drug addiction. But Adam, as he stood before me in that moment – he was the pinnacle of good health and clean living. I imagined he was the type who woke up and made disgusting spinach and kale smoothies. It was impossible to see him as he’d described, beaten half to death in a drug house.

“Sorry, I don’t know why I just said all of that. Way to bring the mood down, huh?” he laughed, obviously made uncomfortable by my silent staring.

“Remember who you’re talking to,” I scoffed. “I think I win at bringing the mood down after this morning.”

“You shouldn’t worry about that. Things are going to happen after what you’ve been through. We all know and expect that. None of us want you to feel awkward or embarrassed about any of it. We get it. I’m an addict with my own issues and dailybattles, and Kane and Asher both came out of the military with PTSD. We’re used to our fair share of anxiety and nightmares around here,” he told me gently.

“Asher had PTSD?” I gasped, shocked. Asher seemed like the calmest, most composed person I had ever met. Nothing seemed to shake him and he always seemed in control. It was crazy to think of him having flashbacks and nightmares like I had been suffering.

“Still does, though he has a tight leash on it nowadays. He still has some bad nightmares though, and when they come, I can hear him yelling from the other side of the building,” Adam explained and I just looked at him with shock again. “Everyone’s a little fucked up, Addy. We all have our own demons to deal with. Sometimes they just get a whole lot louder in our heads, but eventually we can also find a way to quieten them down again.”

“And what if you can’t?” I asked weakly, sounding so defeated it terrified me. “What if there are too many of them screaming in your head to ever shut them up?”

“I don’t need to answer that, because I know you enough already, to know that isn’t you. You’re strong and you are going to find a way to quieten them all eventually,” he told me confidently. I just wished I could believe him.

“Here honey, try to eat something, okay? You’ll feel better if you can get some calories down,” Adam said as he handed me a plate of scrambled eggs with a slice of toast on the side.

“Thank you,” I whispered as I picked up the fork and watched it shake violently in my trembling hand. When I glanced up to Adam he was watching my hand too, his face filled with concern, but he turned away when he saw me looking.

“I also went to the store this morning and stocked up on your favorite drink,” he said as he stood from the huge refrigerator with a can of soda in his hand.

“You didn’t n-need to do that, but thank you.” I smiled gratefully as he slid the can across to me. I didn’t hesitate to break it open and take a long sip of the cold, fizzy drink. It tasted so good and I laughed a little when my taste buds went crazy at the sweetness.

“Good?” Adam chuckled. I looked up at him and saw an even brighter smile on his face. It was infectious and I found myself smiling too. It felt foreign, but so good.

“Definitely,” I nodded as I took another small sip, then set it on the counter. I grabbed the fork from the plate again and tried to tense my shaking hand so I could scoop some eggs. “It’s my weakness,” I admitted after the first mouthful. “I n-never liked coffee, and I don’t drink alcohol, but Diet Coke and chocolate are definitely my vices…or they were…before.”

“Then I’ll make sure we have plenty of both, though we’re usually pretty well stocked with chocolate and candy. That’s Jordan’s weakness,” he chuckled.

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