Page 36 of Lost In The Dark

“He eats chocolate and candy and looks like that?” I asked. I was pretty sure when I saw Jordan he had looked like he didn’t have an ounce of fat on his hard body.

“His motto is ‘Work hard. Eat hard.’ He is literally always hungry. He’s been the same since he was a kid.”

“Lucky him,” I laughed. “I think I gain weight every time I just think about anything delicious. Or at least it seemed that way, you know? Before. Now I guess I could afford to gain a few pounds.” The smile slipped from my face as I looked at my handswhich were literally skin and bone. I had once been curvy, and pretty happy to remain that way, but now…

“You’re still you, Addy. You survived everything those monsters put you through and you made it out. Don’t let them take anything else from you. You’re still Adeline. You can still like the things you liked before, and in time, you’ll feel like yourself again too. You just have to give it time, honey,” Adam told me.

“My mom used to call me ‘Adeline,’” I replied, my voice flat. I could hear my mom’s voice screeching for me even in that moment. She was always so weak and in so much pain, but she always found the energy to scream that damned name, and yell at me for doing everything wrong and being such a huge disappointment. “I stopped being her the day my mom died and I never want to be her again.”

I looked up and regretted spilling the words when I saw pity in Adam’s eyes.God, I was so pathetic!

“Addy…”

“No, don’t. I’m sorry. I d-didn’t mean to say that. I just…I prefer Addy, if that’s okay?” Luckily, he just nodded and didn’t say anything. “Thanks for the eggs,” I added as I held up a shaky forkful. “They’re really good.”

The atmosphere was awkward as I managed a few more forkfuls of eggs and half a can of soda before my stomach protested. I hadn’t eaten much, but I knew it would take time. My stomach had likely shrunk in the time I hadn’t been eating.

When I was done I walked around the counter to wash my plate, the whole time taking deep breaths to stave off my panic that there was no longer a counter between Adam and I, even though, deep down, I knew I was being ridiculous. Adam had beennothing but kind and gentle with me. I had no reason not to trust him enough to stand near him.

Adam was chopping vegetables, but he paused as I neared him and looked to me.

“Thanks again,” I said as I held up the plate I was holding.

“No problem. Just let me know when you’re hungry and I’ll make you something. Also help yourself to everything in the kitchen. This is your home now. We all want you to feel at home here.”

I nodded and lowered my eyes as I turned to the sink, not sure how to reply to such kindness.

“Just dump the plate there. I’ll take care of it,” he told me. I felt bad doing it, but I placed the plate down and hurried back around the counter. It was rude of me to not even clean up after myself, but my panic at being so close to him was rising. Maybe if Asher or Eli had been there I’d feel better, but in that moment I just felt overwhelmed and panicked.

“I…I should go and…” I pointed behind me to the stairs as I floundered.

“Addy.” I paused and turned to face him again. His eyes met mine as he spoke, “I know you don’t know me and definitely don’t trust me yet, but I want you to know anyway – I’m here for you, okay? If you need anything, be it cookies, toiletries, someone to talk with, or a shoulder to cry on, you can come to me. I hope in time we’ll become good friends,” Adam said emphatically.

“I hope so too,” I whispered as I gave him a shaky, unsure smile. “I just…I’m going to need time.”

“That’s okay. I’m not going anywhere,” he assured me with a wink. I managed a nod before I fled the room and hurried, as much as I could, towards the stairs.

The kindness in that house completely overwhelmed me and I didn’t know how to react to it or trust in it. Could these men, who I found myself with, really be as good as they seemed to be? It seemed impossible. I couldn’t get over the fear that trusting my gut instinct to rely on them would wind up pushing me even deeper into the darkness I now found myself lost in.

CHAPTER 12

ADDY

By the time I reached the door to my room I was out of breath and my ribs were agony with every inhalation. My hands were shaking and my heart pounding, but I was relieved I didn’t seem to be slipping into a full meltdown.

I took a moment to calm my breathing before I slowly and silently opened the door to my room and peeked in. I couldn’t help but smile in relief when I found Eli and Asher still fast asleep on my bed. They had both rolled to the outer edges, their backs to each other and a huge gap between them, but they still looked peaceful.

Knowing I couldn’t wake them, I backed out of the room and closed the door again. As much as I wanted at least one of them with me, I refused to disturb them. Instead I turned for the stairs again. When I got to the bottom I headed for the entrance hall. I was still feeling a little shaken, so I wanted to get outside for some fresh air. At least that was what I was telling myself, rather than admitting I was too nervous to face Adam again.

It wasn’t until I was opening the front door that I realized I didn’t have any shoes on. The sneakers I had been bought were still upstairs in the closet, and I simply didn’t have the energy to make it back up there again. I looked around me and found a large cupboard that I guessed was a coat closet off to theside. Upon opening it I found shelves lined with huge shoes, boots, and sneakers, obviously belonging to the guys. I grabbed the smallest looking pair of boots and placed them on the floor, slipping my feet into them easily. They were absolutely enormous on me, but I didn’t really care. I just needed to get outside and have some space.

Walking in the boots was laughable, especially when I got outside and had to navigate three huge, stone steps down from the front door, but thankfully no one was around to witness my waddling, shuffling walk.

Outside the sun was shining brightly, despite the fact the air was bitterly cold. A thin layer of snow had fallen and was covering everything in sight in a blanket of white.

As I rounded the side of the house I marveled at the sight of a huge back garden, that was landscaped with winding paths through the lawned area and filled with sporadically placed tall flower beds. In the very center sat a pergola, flanked at each corner with huge pots that I guessed were filled with plants underneath the snow covering them. Wanting to get a better look I dragged my feet down the path that led to it, which had been cleared of snow.

I hugged my arms around myself as I got closer, the cold biting into my fingers and already making my teeth chatter, but none of it bothered me enough to turn back. It was just so serene and peaceful out there. It was exactly what I had needed. The silence around me seemed to quell some of the anxiety and panic that had been swamping me since the moment I awoke in that hospital with no memory of how I had gotten there. Since then things had only gotten worse and the noise in my head – those screaming demons Adam had talked of – they had just gotten louder and louder until I felt like I was losing my mind entirely.But there, in that blissful, silent moment, the demons were quieter and I could actually breathe.

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