Page 37 of Lost In The Dark

When I reached the pergola I found two benches inside of it, facing each other. Relieved to see they were dry I plonked myself down onto the closest one and let out a heavy breath. The walk had been enjoyable but exhausting and my panting breathing was not helping with the pain in my ribs, but better that than the noise in my head.

I closed my eyes and rested my head against the back of the tall bench. I felt clearer than I had in weeks and that was a gift in that moment.

KANE

“Sir. Miss Brooks just left the property,” Leo’s voice came over the radio I had sitting on my desk in the security office.

“I know. Maintain your distance. I’ll handle it,” I told him, never once taking my eyes from the image on my laptop. I’d been alerted the second the front door of the house had been opened, so I had already been watching Addy, moving between the external surveillance cameras to monitor her.

At first I had been worried she was going to try and get off of the property, then I watched her almost fall down the steps from the door, barely staying upright in the way-too-big boots that clearly weren’t hers, and I knew she wasn’t getting far – not that I would have allowed her to leave the property alone anyway.

She was slowly making her way through the snow covered yard, and, even through the black and white image I was watching, I could see her trembling and her grimaces of pain with almost every step.What the hell was she doing?

I knew I needed to go out there and check on her. It was bitterly cold out, winter just beginning to set in, but coming fast, and she was only wearing jeans and a sweater. But I was holding back, praying she’d just see reason and take herself back inside.

I had already crossed a line that morning. I had stepped in to help her through the anxiety attack, despite knowing I needed to keep my distance. But I had been unable to just stand back and watch her suffer. She had been so fucking scared, especially when she came back to reality. Her sobs had broken my heart and I couldn’t have stopped myself from turning her into my arms and holding her tightly even if I could have thought straight, which I couldn’t.

She was just so fragile. It was so obvious how close she was to breaking and something inside of me refused to allow that to happen. She had been to hell and back, but she had survived and she was still standing. I admired the fuck out of her for that, and I knew no matter how hard I tried to tell myself I needed to keep my distance; I wasn’t going to. How could I? I knew what she was going through – some of it at least. I knew what it was like to live with darkness brewing inside of you, dragging you down into it’s depths at every tiny opportunity. I knew how it felt to be drowning with no idea of how to even start pulling yourself back to the surface.

No, she needed help and there was no way I could deny her that. I’d had Asher and my sister to help me when I needed them, and I knew without them I would never be who I was in that moment. Was I still pretty fucked up? Hell yes I was! But I could function. I could focus on my job and laugh with the guys. I could meet my sister in a busy restaurant once a week for dinner. I could seem normal and I was pretty sure that was the best I could hope for after what I had seen and lived. It was enoughfor me anyway. Maybe if I could help Addy find that it would be enough for her too.

The real issue was helping her without falling for her. I couldn’t do that, no matter how strongly I felt the pull to her. We may share a bond through our trauma – which I was pretty sure was what I was feeling – but that’s all it could ever be. I couldn’t be her friend. I was her security. Technically I worked for her now she was a Lyle. It was a line I could never cross. No matter how much I may want to.

“Fuck!” I cursed as I looked back to the screen and found her sat in the pergola in the center of the garden, her head rested back and her eyes closed. Was she seriously trying to sleep out there? She was going to freeze to death!

I jumped up and pulled my thick black parka from the hook beside the door, then I stormed from the security building at the back of the property and trudged through the snow. My heavy boots crunched enough that I knew she would hear me coming, so I didn’t need to worry about scaring her, unless she really was asleep already. I cursed under my breath and shook my head at that thought. Damn girl had no common sense!

I was just a few feet from the huge wooden pergola and still she hadn’t moved to look up. Her body was trembling, likely from the cold, and she was hugging herself tightly, obviously trying to keep warm, but before I stomped forward to yell at her, I paused and just studied her. She looked peaceful despite the fact she was clearly freezing her ass off. And she looked good too. She was too thin and obviously needed to gain some weight, but her hair was such a beautiful shade of dark brown, and it shone in the sunlight. She was pretty tall, which had always been my type and even her thin frame suggested curves would return if she could gain back a few pounds. If she’d just open her eyesand look at me I knew what I’d see. Deep, emerald pools that I could become lost in - the most stunning eyes that became even brighter when she smiled, not that I had seen her fully smile yet.God, I so badly wanted to see her face illuminated with a smile.

“Fuck!” I hissed again as I realized I had lost all control of my thoughts. So much for maintaining distance. One look at her and she had me lost in her completely.

I stepped onto the pergola, stamping my heavy boot down purposely, hoping she’d hear me and wake up. Thankfully, she did, but when she jumped violently and looked to me with pure terror, I felt like a complete ass for doing it.

“Kane!” She gasped as she slammed a hand over her chest and stared at me wide eyed.

“What are you doing?” I grumbled, my anger showing, but it wasn’t aimed at her. It was myself I was pissed with. The last thing she needed was to be afraid in her own home.

“I…I’m sorry. I j-just wanted some air,” she stuttered as she slowly slid to the very edge of the bench seat, getting further away from me. “Should I not…am I n-not allowed out here?” She very quickly glanced to the house and I saw her getting ready to bolt up and flee, but her eyes returned to me.

“Where’s your coat? It’s snowing. You’ll freeze out here,” I growled, still unable to hide my annoyance.

“I…y-you’re right. I shouldn’t…I…I’ll j-just go…back inside. I’m s-so sorry.” Her words were shaking now as she got to her feet and almost tripped over the huge, damned boots in her hurry to get away.

I strode forward and grabbed her arm before she fell completely, but the second my hand landed on her arm she gasped and froze– looking up to me with so much fear it cut me to the bone. She was terrified of me and that was all my fault. I made myself take a deep breath, but I didn’t release her. She was so shaky and I feared she’d drop if I released her.

“I’m not going to hurt you,” I told her more gently. “Just get your footing before you fall, okay?” She nodded, but she refused to take her eyes from me as she readjusted her feet and seemed steadier.

“Thanks,” she whispered when I released her and took a step back. “Sorry I b-bothered you.”

“You didn’t,” I replied. “And you are allowed out here. It’s your home. You can go wherever you like. Just…if you’re coming out here you need shoes that fit you and a warm coat, yeah?”

“S-sorry. I…I wasn’t thinking.”

“Put this on.” I handed her my parka which I knew would swamp her, but she was shivering way too much, and as slight as she was I worried hypothermia could set in pretty quickly.

“Oh, no. I…I’m okay. I’ll g-go back in.” She pointed a thumb behind her towards the house.

“Put it on, Addy,” I told her flatly. I was relieved when she reached as far as she could with out stepping closer to take the coat. She slipped it on and pulled it around her. “Thanks.”

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