Page 40 of Lost In The Dark

Asher had spoken with his family physician after my meltdown. Thankfully, the doctor had been able to prescribe me some antibiotics for my back, and some pain meds for my wrist and ribs, without having to see me, which had helped immensely. Asher was still worried about my back and wanted the cuts dressing, but I assured him I was okay and keeping an eye on things. I was glad he accepted that, though it was a lie, since I couldn’t bring myself to look at my scarred and wounded back even for a second.

“Look at you!” I told Eli with a smile. He was dressed in a black suit with a white shirt beneath and a black tie. He had tamed and waxed his hair in place and he was once again clean shaven. “You look really good.”

“I don’t feel it. I hate this damned suit and I hate these stupid charity functions,” he sighed as he fell to the sofa beside me, the whole time pulling at his collar.

“Then why go?”

“Because Asher needs to make an appearance since we support the kids charity the function is for tonight, and I hate to make him do these things alone. He hates them just as much as I do.”

“You’re a good brother,” I told him as I patted his arm. I was getting better at contact with Asher and Eli. I often tested myself by patting their arm or back when we were talking. They were also the only ones I could allow close enough to touch me when I started to have a panic attack. Well, other than Kane, but he seemed to have disappeared since our awkward moment in the garden. I hadn’t seen him once.

I shook my head, refusing to let my mind stray to what had gone on between Kane and I that day. Mainly because I had no idea what that feeling was that sparked to life between us in that moment, when we had stood facing one another. Was I attracted to him? Yes. He was a handsome guy and he had been kind to me, mostly. But that couldn’t have been what I thought it was between us, could it? Could Kane actually have been going to kiss me?No stupid!I scolded myself.

This was why I had to stop thinking about that moment – because I had these insane thoughts. There was no way Kane was interested in me, especially with the way I looked. And even if he were, there was no way I’d be interested. I’d been trafficked! I’d been raped repeatedly. Getting close to a man in that way – any man – was something I was pretty sure would never ever happen for me again.

“Addy?” I looked up at the sound of Eli’s voice, then sighed when I realized I had zoned out on him. It seemed to be happening more and more, and I hated how rude I must seem when I did it.

“Sorry,” I whispered.

“Are you okay? You know it’s no problem if you want me to stay tonight. Asher will be okay at one function alone.”

“No. We talked about this. I’m okay here. I feel safe, and Adam’s staying with me. You have to leave me some time,” I sighed. I hated the idea of them both leaving, but I knew they had lives to get back to. It was time I pulled myself together and let them do that. Plus I did feel safe there. I may be nervous about Adam still, but I knew he’d take care of me if anything happened.

“Only if you’re ready. It’s only been a couple of days.”

“I’m okay, Eli. Really. I’ll just watch my show, then head up to bed.”

“Adam said he’d stay with you if you need him to when you go to bed,” Eli told me as he looked to me with his usual mask of concern.

“I know. He told me, but I’ll be okay. Asher said you guys would be home by midnight anyway,” I assured him.

“We will, and we both have our cells, so if you need us, you just call and we’ll come right back.”

“I know that too. You both told me at least ten times. Stop worrying. I’m really alright.” It was a lie. I was keeping it together, but I was pretty far from ‘alright.’ There was just so much in my head – horror at what I had remembered and at what Kane had told me the other day, and fear at what I suspected was to come in the memories not yet returned. I was in a constant state of anxiety that anything could trigger another horror filled flashback, but I was getting better at keeping a lid on it as much as possible. It did help that I felt safe in the house with all of the security measures and the trained men outside. At least I could feel reassured I was protected from anyone who may come after me.

“Do you need anything before we go? Snacks or a drink? Did you take your meds?” he fussed and I smiled. Eli was a worrier and he loved trying to take care of me. He was always checking in on me and checking I didn’t need anything. It was sweet, and made me feel cared for. I just worried about how it affected him when I had nightmares or panic attacks. He was becoming so attuned to my emotions, and I worried about how upset he seemed every time I came back around from whatever hell I had been lost in.I was filled with guilt over what I knew it did to him each and every time.

I worried about what I was putting Asher through too, but he was better at hiding his emotions. He didn’t fuss as much as Eli, though he still checked on me often. He stayed back mostly though, watching me from a distance. I knew he still worried as much as Eli did, because I’d seen it all over his face when he didn’t think I was watching him. No matter what though, when I was struggling they were both always right there, giving me what I needed and helping me pull myself from the darkness. I had known them less than a week and I was already starting to wonder how I had ever lived without either of them.

“I took my meds,” I nodded. “And Adam is coming to watch this show with me. He said he’d bring popcorn. He just went to change.”

“Kane’s staying here if you need him. He’ll be in the security office with three other guys, but you can just call him if you need anything, or if you’re worried. You have his cell number, right?”

“It’s in my phone,” I agreed as I held up the iPhone Asher had handed me the day before. It was already programmed with the numbers I would need, and Asher had even downloaded an E-reader app for me, telling me to go ahead and buy as many books as I wanted. He had even set it up on his credit card. I had cried at that. Reading was my comfort blanket and to have it back meant so much to me. I’d already finished two of my favorite crime writers latest releases and was working on the third. I refused to dwell on the fact all three had been released in the time I had lost.

Before Eli could address his next concern, the front door opened, then slammed loudly startling me. I guessed it was Jordan,though I was surprised he’d slammed it. He was very conscious of how jumpy I was. He even closed the kitchen cabinets silently, the whole time watching me for my reaction. He was so sweet. They all were and I knew I was lucky.

“Jord?” Eli called as he looked to the entrance which was separated from the open plan space by a wall. I looked to Eli when several moments passed and Jordan hadn’t called back, my worry increasing. Kane had assured me no one could get on the property, let alone in the house without access codes, but I still started to panic.

“Stay there,” Eli said as he got to his feet and headed for the door.

“Eli…” I whispered, not wanting him to go to the door either. What if someone had gotten inside? What if they hurt Eli?

“Ridiculous security idiots!” A shrill female voice cried as a tall, blonde figure rounded the corner and came face to face with Eli.

“Zara? What the hell are you doing?” Eli snapped as he took a step back, away from her. I focused on the woman, taking in her immaculate appearance. Her long blonde hair framed her face, hanging in a perfect straight curtain. Her make up was heavy but applied flawlessly. She was in a form fitting red dress that fell to her ankles. It was strappy at the top and showed a very generous cleavage. She wore towering, heeled stilettos with it, and she was clutching a matching, sparkling clutch.

“Where’s Asher?” she demanded as she looked past Eli like he hadn’t even spoken.

---