Page 48 of Lost In The Dark

“You look better. You have some color on your face,” he agreed. “You want breakfast? Adam’s in the gym but I can make something.”

“Adam warned me about letting you cook,” I chuckled as I recalled Adam’s story of Jordan setting fire to the kitchen last time he cooked a frozen pizza, and didn’t take the plastic from underneath out.

“He told you the pizza story, didn’t he?” he grumbled and I nodded. “It was one time! I can cook!”

“I believe you,” I assuaged him with a smile. “But how about, just to be safe, I cook us something for breakfast?” I couldn’t stop smiling and I realized how confident I must be feeling to sit there and joke with Jordan as I was. I wasn’t sure I had ever been as open and easy going with anyone in my life as I was with the four guys I now found myself living with.

I had always been shy, and conversation didn’t come easily to me. I guess I was always afraid of being myself, since my mom had put down who I was so much growing up. I didn’t like who I was. I never really had, if I were honest with myself, and I feared no one else would either if they truly saw me. But there I had opened up so much in just a week. I wasn’t afraid to be the real me, even if she was completely messed up now.

“Can you cook?” Jordan asked skeptically.

“Enough to handle breakfast.” I moved around the counter and went to the refrigerator to see what we had. I decided I’d make something I could keep warm so there was enough for the others when they came down. “How about pancakes?” I asked as I lifted my head and looked at Jordan.

“What kind?”

“Well, in honor of you – Mr. sweet tooth – how about chocolate chip with caramelized bananas?”

“You know me so well. I’m in!” he agreed happily.

“Good, Grab a mixing bowl. You can help me,” I told him. He eagerly nodded and did as I said, making me smile again.

We both got to work, Jordan making the pancake batter according to the ingredients I dictated, while I cut the bananas and got the skillet hot.

“Will everyone want pancakes?” I asked as I weighed up how many bananas to chop.

“Me, Eli, and Asher for sure. Adam is boring. He’ll probably just have oatmeal, or a protein shake,” he shrugged. “Kane’s usually here at breakfast too, but he hasn’t been by much lately, so I wouldn’t bother to cook for him.”

“Kane usually eats with you guys?” I asked, surprised. I had only seen him in the house once in the week I had been there, and that was when he was helping me through my panic attack.

“Not always, but usually breakfast most days, and he comes for dinner when he’s not busy. He’s not like the other security guys. Asher considers him family and tries to bring him into the fold as much as he can.”

“What do you mean tries? Doesn’t Kane want to?” I asked, genuinely interested in knowing more about the mysterious man who had made me feel things I had never experienced before that day in the garden.

“Kane tries too, but he came out of the military with some issues. He struggles around people, I think, and we’re all kind of loud. That’s why he has his own place beside the security building. He lived with us at first, but it was just too much for him, having all of us in the house. He’d freak out on bad days, especially when he heard us moving around at night. He told Asher he needed his own space and planned to move into town, but Asher had his house built for him so he could stay close.”

I realized immediately that was what Kane had meant when he told me he saw me. He understood what was happening to me because he had obviously been through his own version of hell. And now he was staying away from the family who wanted to take care of him because of me. It had to be because of me. Why else would he suddenly stop doing something he had been doing consistently before my arrival, like coming to breakfast? That made me feel crappy. I hadn’t meant to make him feel uncomfortable in what was essentially his own home.

“I’ll text him,” I declared. Maybe he’d stayed away because he knew I was wary of him. It was time I corrected that. “See if he’s free to join us this morning.” I pulled out my cell and sent a simple text telling him I was making breakfast and asking if he could join us.

After it had sent I couldn’t stop glancing at my cell every few minutes as I started the cooking, but no reply came. I couldn’t help but worry that I had done something to make him dislike me. He had been really annoyed with me the day he found me out in the snow without a coat. Maybe he just thought I was anidiot and couldn’t stand my company, but then I remembered that intense, confusing moment between us when it seemed like he was going to lean in and kiss me. Had that been real, or had I misjudged it all? It wasn’t like I had much experience in that sort of thing. I’d had one boyfriend and I was pretty sure that was far from a conventional relationship.

“Addy?” I looked up and found Jordan right beside me. “It’s burning.” He nodded to the pancake I was cooking and I followed his gaze to see smoke starting to come from it.

“Darn!” I cursed as I pulled the skillet from the heat and flipped the pancake out with a spatula. I’d completely zoned out again. I really needed to stop doing that. It was like I got lost in my head, and it was new. I hadn’t done that before.

“Darn?” Jordan laughed. “You don’t like to swear do you?”

“No,” I replied as I tossed the ruined food into the trash. “My mom had a foul mouth and I hated it. I try not to follow in her footsteps.”

“I think it’s cute that you don’t curse,” he shrugged as he took the pan from me and set it back on the heat. He spooned the next pancake into it, then handed me the spatula. “Don’t worry. I won’t tell Adam you almost burned his kitchen down,” he added with a wink.

“I didn’t! It was only a little charred,” I protested, but I was smiling again.

We worked together then to finish cooking everything, and just as I was starting to plate food up for the two of us, Asher and Eli walked in, freshly showered, and dressed.

“You’re cooking?” Eli asked me.

“Jordan helped. It’s pancakes. Is that okay?” I asked, suddenly feeling a little nervous.

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