Page 55 of Lost In The Dark

“Chill, Kane. She’s all good. She’ll tell us when she’s had enough,” Jordan added.

I turned from Kane and took another breath. I knew it wasn’t fair of me to be rude with him. It wasn’t his fault I had completely misconstrued our relationship, and he didn’t deserve me being a bitch, even if he had confused me by being so damned nice those couple of times.

Jordan and I set off walking and I knew Kane was close behind us. I could feel him, but I refused to turn and look at him again. He was the one to remind me he was just my protection and nothing else. I needed to remember that and treat him as such, even if the idea of it left me feeling a little bereft.

“You warm enough?” Jordan asked after a few minutes. He had his arm wrapped around me and we were pressed closely together as we walked.

“Definitely. I think this coat Eli ordered for me is for like Arctic expeditions or something,” I joked.

“It wouldn’t surprise me. He worries a lot, and that’s gone into overdrive since you came into his life.”

“I’ve noticed. I worry about him sometimes – worry he’s going to make himself sick. I know I’m a mess right now, and it will likely be some time before I’m better. He’s going to wind up giving himself an ulcer or something with all the fussing he does over me.”

“He’s always been a little that way. He likes to take care of others. He’s always the first one there if one of us is sick or hurt. When Ash came back injured, Eli refused to leave his side for weeks. Then your dad got sick, and even though he had done nothing but belittle Eli and make sure he knew he wasn’t good enough for his whole life, Eli still nursed him for as long as he could. Even when Asher brought trained nurses in, Eli barely left his dad’s side. I think it’s just who he is,” Jordan explained.

“I hate my dad, and I never even met him,” I growled. The idea of him making Eli feel inferior made me angrier than I think I had ever felt. Eli was the most amazing, sensitive caring person. He was also extremely talented and smart. His father should have been full of pride.

“Yeah, he was a piece of work, for sure. It’s probably a good thing you didn’t ever have to meet him.”

“I have no regrets on the subject,” I agreed. We walked a little further in silence as I tried to calm myself down. I hated theidea of anyone hurting either of my brothers, but especially Eli. I knew Asher could fight his own battles, but Eli seemed more sensitive and gentler. I worried about him getting hurt. “Asher said you guys have all been close for years,” I said changing the subject and hoping to find out more about them all.

“I’ve known them both my entire life. By the time I was born, Ad and Ash were already best buds. Eli’s a few months older than me, so we were kind of thrust together right away. He’s been my best friend ever since. I guess we’re all more like brothers really.”

“So does that make me like your sister?” I asked daringly. I couldn’t help myself. I just wanted to see what his reaction would be. He had been flirting with me since the moment I met him, but for all I knew that could just be his way. I just wanted to know if he felt anything for me, like I was feeling for him, even though I knew I couldn’t act on it.

“What? No! Fuck no!” Jordan snapped. I looked up at him, feeling a little unsure and his face just dropped. “No, I…I didn’t mean it like that. I just meant…I care about you a lot. But not like a sister. I…my feelings for you, they’re different.” I couldn’t help the smile that spread across my face. It was cute how flustered he had become. I had only ever seen him full of confidence.

“Different how?” I pushed. I knew I was treading a dangerous line, especially considering I had spent the whole morning telling myself there was no chance of a relationship with any of the guys I was crushing on like a teenage girl. But I couldn’t help wanting to know.

“Just different, you know?” he shrugged as he looked down at me and watched my face closely. “I think you know what I mean, Addy. I’m not good at hiding the way I feel. You must know Ilike you.” He sighed and ran a hand through his hair nervously. “God, I feel like I’m back in high school,” he laughed.

“Me too, except I never had any of these issues in high school,” I laughed with him.

“I don’t know why. I bet you were a knockout, even back then.” He paused and faced me, grabbing a strand of my wild hair that had escaped and tucking it under the hairband.

“Not exactly.” I looked up at him again and became ensnared in his eyes and the way in which he was looking at me. There was heat there, I was sure of it, and he had admitted he liked me. I wasn’t making this up in my head, was I? God, even though I knew I shouldn’t, I so wanted to kiss him. I wanted to know what his soft looking lips would feel like against mine. I wanted to feel him hold me and take control the way guys always did in the romance books I read.

“Addy…” he whispered, and he was closer now, his lips so close to mine. I moved nearer, hoping he took it as a clear signal that I wanted this kiss. And he did. He leaned in and his lips made contact with mine. My heart was pounding and I felt all flushed, not daring to breathe in case I messed up this perfect moment.

“We should keep moving or go back,” Kane barked and I jolted back and turned to glare at him. He was about six feet behind us, and the look on his face was one I knew well – rage. He was definitely annoyed.

“Great timing there, bro,” Jordan called as he pulled me back against his side and started walking again, the moment gone. “Asshole,” Jordan cursed quietly.

I kept walking as I considered what had just almost happened. I had wanted the kiss so much, but deep down I knew it was probably for the best we had been interrupted.

“Jordan,” I began as I continued walking through the snow blanketed park. “I…I shouldn’t have done that.”

“You didn’t do anything.”

“I know, but I would have. The truth is, I like you too, but that’s all it can ever be. It would be unfair for me to make you believe any different.”

“Is this the part where you remind me you want to be a single, crazy, dog lady for the rest of your life?” he asked dryly.

“Well, yeah. I know we’ve turned it into a joke, but essentially it is my plan. I can’t be in a relationship; not after what happened to me. I hope one day I’ll be a little less messed up so I can make a life for myself, but I don’t think I’ll ever be okay enough to have a normal,functionalrelationship.” I looked to him, hoping he knew what I was getting at.

“There’s no such thing as a ‘normal’ relationship,” he told me. “Every single one is different. You think I haven’t already considered how all you’ve been through will affect you in the future? I have, Addy. I know what a long road you have ahead of you, but I’m good with that. I want to be at your side to help you make it to the end.”

“You barely even know me,” I scoffed.

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