Page 62 of Lost In The Dark

“I t-told you what you needed…what would help the FBI. You don’t need to know the gory details. I wish I didn’t have to know them either,” I sighed as I swiped at the silent tears that fell.

“Repeated electrocution would explain the tissue damage we saw on the CT,” the doctor spoke up.

“What does that mean? Will she need a new heart?” Eli asked, and I heard the slight tremble in his voice. I was relieved when Asher went right to him and wrapped an arm over his brothers shoulders.

“No. Nothing like that. We’ll need to monitor Addy’s heart closely with regular scans, but with a healthy lifestyle, we don’t expect the damage to be an issue, other than the arrhythmias it can cause.”

“So I’ll have to live with the heart rhythm thing?” I asked. My head was pounding and, as I always seemed to be just lately, I was confused and scared.

“ Yes, but it is manageable. As I said, we’ll start you on some meds and monitor you closely with regular appointments. Lifestyle changes can help too. A heart healthy diet, cutting out caffeine and exercising regularly will all lower the risk of this happening again. Sleep is important too. Ideally you should be getting between seven and nine hours a night,” the doctor explained.

“And if this happens again? What do we do?” Adam asked.

“There are some symptoms to look out for. Dizziness and feeling short of breath are usually the first. You may feel like you’re having heart palpitations too. At the first sign of any of those, I’d advise you to come into the emergency room immediately.”

“Well that’s great,” I uttered. Being dizzy and short of breath seemed to be my new normal, since I was so weak and thin at that time. If I had to rush to the E.R. every time one of those happened, we may as well just not leave.

“I know this all sounds a little daunting, but your body has been through a lot, Addy. The stronger and healthier you get, the less this issue will affect you. In the meantime I suggest you focus on getting enough rest and eating a healthy, balanced diet. The meds I’ll give you need to be taken, with food, at regular times, so you’ll need to get into a routine.”

“We’ll help with that, Addy,” Adam assured me. I looked way up to where he stood over me and forced a smile, even though it was the last thing I felt like doing.

“Can I go home?” I asked shakily.

“Yes. I’ll arrange for a nurse to bring the meds in when they arrive, then you can go. We’ll schedule an appointment a month from now to see how you’re getting on, and for new CT scans.”

“Thank you doctor. Do you have a number I can reach you on if Addy has more questions later?” Asher asked. I tuned out as the doctor gave Asher her personal number and told him we could call at any time. Still, it was hard not to notice how much easier money made things go in that place. How many times had I sat in a noisy, overworked, hectic emergency room with my mom, trying to get just one doctor or nurse to do something to ease her pain, only to be ignored because we were nobodies?

“You still with us, baby?” I looked up and found Adam had crouched so he was right before me. He was smiling softly, but I saw the worry behind it.

“No,” I whispered. “They broke me, Adam. Those monsters actually broke me…broke my heart.” I closed my eyes to try and stem the escaping tears, but I was too slow, or there were too many tears.

“They tried, Addy, but they failed. You’re still here, still surviving, and getting stronger. I know the idea of living with this is scary, but you will, because we’ll all be here to help you, and because you’re a fighter.”

“I don’t want to fight,” I whimpered brokenly. “I just want to pull together a few of the remaining pieces of who I was and find a way to live with what they did to me.”

“You’re already doing that,” Jordan told me as he leaned in and kissed my cheek gently. “You’re finding a way to live again, remember. We’re doing it together. I’m not ready to quit before we even got started and I don’t think you are either, not deep down.”

“How am I ever gonna do that, though Jordan?” I sniffled as I looked round to him. “How can I live in the present when the past is dragging me back two steps with every single one I take?”

“I wish I had the right answer to that question, but I don’t. All I know is that you have us, and your brothers. You’re not alone. You never have to be alone again.”

“It will take time, honey. You’re fighting those demons in your head, and getting rid of them isn’t easy. Trust me, I know. But you will get rid of them, one at a time, if you just keep pushing and trying. Lean on us when you’re too tired to fight alone, but never give up Addy. I know right now you can’t see the end of this scary road you’re walking, but as long as you keep moving, you will get there, and like Jord says, you never have to take one of those steps alone. We’re all here for you, right at your side every step of the way,” Adam added.

“How are you feeling?” Asher asked as he strode up to us with Eli right at his side.

I just shook my head, too overwhelmed and emotional to put words to my thoughts. “Can we go home?” I asked instead.

“We’re just waiting for your medication, and Kane is arranging some more security to follow us home. It won’t be long,” Asher assured me.

“Do you want to lie down in the bed again?” Eli offered as he pointed to the hospital bed behind us.

“No. Jordan is keeping me warm,” I whispered as I lay my head against his chest again. “Why do we need more security? Wasn’t there other guys with Kane earlier?”

“Yes, but their shift ended hours ago. Kane is swapping them out and I asked for a few more guys too. After the scare you gave us today, I’m feeling particularly overprotective,” Asher explained as he ran a hand over my hair gently. “Just humor me please, sweetheart. Just for tonight,” he added as I met his eyes. I realized for the first time how exhausted and stressed he looked. He was looking between Eli and I when he thought we weren’t watching, and it became clear to me just how much he was worrying about the both of us. I adored how protective he was of his family. I just worried about who looked out for him, and helped him with his own demons that I occasionally saw when he relaxed and dropped his mask.

“They’re safe, brother. We all are. Take a breath,” Adam said as he stood and clamped a hand down on Asher’s shoulder. When Asher did as he said and took a deep breath, I realized I had my answer. I just hoped one day I could be strong enough to be there for him too, and Eli, just the way they’d been there for me.

Ten minutes later Eli was clutching a bag of drugs, so big it unnerved me, and we were headed home. As soon as I stepped out into the hall with Asher’s arm wrapped tightly around me,my eyes locked with Kanes. He looked me over and the look on his face for once wasn’t angry or annoyed. No, this time he looked a little panicked and worried. He also looked kind of unkempt, which as far as I knew, was very much out of character for him. He still wore his gun holster over his shirt, but the shirt was creased, and his jacket was gone. His hair was a mess too, and he looked completely exhausted and pale.

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