Page 65 of Lost In The Dark

“I’m sorry. I…I didn’t know where else to go. I…I need help Kane, please,” I whimpered, trying hard not to cry, but failing. “Please. I know you hate me…but just for tonight can we just pretend? Please? I d-don’t know what else to…to do. You understand. I need you to understand.” I stood before him, broken and completely vulnerable, just praying he wouldn’t turn me away.

“Understand what?” he asked as he stepped a little closer, but still left a distance between us.

“This!” I cried as I hit my head angrily. “It w-won’t stop and I…I’m scared…scared I’ll do something that I c-can’t take back.” By the end of the last word I was crying too hard to go on. A cry of pain burst from me, refusing to be held back any longer and I sank back against the wall.

“Please…I won’t tell anyone. We d-don’t h-have to be…be friends. I just…I n-need…” I was crying too hard to even finish the sentence, so I gave up and just buried my face in my hands as my body racked with my deep, desperate sobbing.

“Hey, it’s okay. I’m here…right here. I’ve got you, okay? I’ve got you now,” he said gently. I looked up through my tears, my whole body shaking, and Kane was there. He pulled me into hisarms and I clung to him like I was drowning and he was my life line. As he swept me up and guided my legs so they wrapped around his waist I felt like he could see all of my fractured, dented, and broken pieces and he was somehow holding every single one of them. He cradled me against him and I just held on as so much pain poured from me.

KANE

I had been alerted the second she opened the front door of the house, and had been watching her on the cameras as I sped downstairs to pull on my coat and boots to get out there and see what exactly she was up to now. I had wondered if she were sleepwalking, but then she had turned in the direction of my home with so much purpose, and I had just stood frozen, watching as she got closer and closer, debating whether I could even open the door to her. My fear had been that I would do something I couldn’t take back if I did, like drag her into my arms, kiss the hell out of her, then terrify her by dragging her to my fucking bed.

But of course I had opened the door. She was out there in shorts and a thin t-shirt, with her boots not even laced. Even I wasn’t enough of a prick to leave her to freeze out there.

Now she was in my arms, holding onto me so tight I could hardly breathe. She was in pieces and her comment about doing something she couldn’t take back terrified me. Was she talking about taking her life? Had things gotten that dark for her?

I fucking hated myself for keeping my distance from her at that moment. I knew she had Asher and Eli who loved her and would do anything to care for her, and Adam and Jordan who seemed to have feelings for her. They were all in that house and it seemed there was nothing they wouldn’t do to help her, but theydidn’t get it like I did. That was what she meant when she said I would understand. She saw her own darkness reflected in me. She saw all of my fucked up demons and she knew I would get where she had fallen to. That was why she was at my door, even though she thought I hated her. That was why she was desperate enough to come to me.

I was such a fucking asshole! If I’d have just pulled my head out of my ass and been there for her, instead of hiding like a fucking pussy, she would have come to me before things became this bad. I had fucked up and I knew it. I had told myself I needed to be there for her, then I had stayed as far away as I possibly could, all because I was scared of my feelings for her. It was no wonder she thought I hated her.

I sank down into the armchair closest to the fire, which I had lit earlier in the evening, and settled her so she was straddling my thighs and pressed against my front. She was shaking like a pneumatic drill in my arms and she was almost hoarse from crying.

“Talk to me, pretty girl,” I pleaded as I pushed some of her wild, and slightly damp hair from her face and then cupped my hands around her cheeks. She looked up and her eyes were glowing red from crying. I wondered how long she had been in this way. My guess was the last few hours at least.

“I…I tried to…to kill myself,” she whispered so quietly I barely heard her.

“What?” I gasped as I looked her over again. Had I missed something? But she wasn’t bleeding and her pupils weren’t enlarged. “Did you take something, Addy?” I asked, trying to appear calm, but losing my shit on the inside. My car was aroundthe front of the property and it would take me vital minutes to get there if she had done something foolish.

“No,” she shook her head. “I mean before…when I was in that…that club. I had another flashback,” she whispered. She looked so exhausted, her eyes heavy and her body leaning heavily into me, not that she weighed a damned thing. “I st-stole some pills. I wanted to die, Kane.”

“But you didn’t do it?”

“No,” she shook her head as she wiped at her tears. “I…I tried. I should have been faster. He stopped me and hurt me.”

“I’m so sorry, Addy, but I’m not sorry you didn’t die. I hate what you had to endure, but I’m so thankful to have you here with me right now,” I told her honestly.

“But y-you don’t like me? You told me…you said you’re not my friend?” she asked so innocently it physically hurt me.

“I was being an ass that day. I don’t hate you.”

“You don’t?”

“Of course I don’t. I feel too much for you if anything,” I sighed.

“Too much?”

“I like you, sweet girl, far more than I should. I barely even know you, and yet I can’t stop thinking about you. It’s like you pull me to you like a magnet and I don’t know how to deal with that.”

“I’m sorry. I didn’t…don’t mean to p-pull you…like that,” she stuttered and I couldn’t help but smile. She was just too damned cute and so fucking innocent.

“My job is to protect you, Addy. I gave Asher my word I’d do that with my life if necessary, and I can’t let him down. I owe him somuch. But I can’t do that and have these feelings for you. That’s why I’ve tried to keep my distance.”

“Oh,” she nodded. “I…I get it. I’m sorry I came here. I just…it was getting so noisy in here.” She tapped her head and I grabbed her hand, afraid she’d hit herself like she did at the door.

“Tell me the truth. Did you mean suicide when you said you were scared you’d do something you couldn’t take back?”

Her eyes met mine and she looked so unsure. I knew I hadn’t helped by telling her I needed to maintain a distance. She had come to me when she was at her darkest and I was just being an ass again. “It’s okay, Addy. Tell me. You said I understand, and I do. I get it.”

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