Page 12 of Lost in the Light

I jumped up as Addy started to stir in her sleep, running my hand over her back to soothe her. It had happened a half dozen times already since she fell asleep and I hated to think of the nightmares she was having to make her make the sounds she made.

It had been a tough day for her and her brothers. Asher had tried hard to remain strong as he flitted between calls with lawyers in his office, and checking on us all constantly. Eli was devastated and had struggled to keep his emotions in check as he tried hard to be strong for Addy. And Addy was doing the same, reassuring us all and cementing her lies with false smiles and halfhearted giggles. She wasn’t okay. None of them were and it was killing Jordan and I not to be able to do more to help them all.

But what was there to do? The FBI forensics people were crawling all over the family home. They’d gotten into the cell and removed the body of that poor girl, but Kane had been unable to get any information about who she was or when she had passed.

What could I say to any of them to make any of that better? Their lives were being torn apart even more because of something their sick sonofabitch father had done, and the man wasn’t even here to answer for his sins himself. It was hard enough on Ashand Eli, but for Addy – on top of all she was already fighting to get through – it was just too much, and we all knew it.

Jord and I had been there for them all as much as we could, making food and trying to keep Eli and Addy busy. I’d tried to talk to Asher, but he just wasn’t ready and he’d brushed me off. Really all we could do was be there for them, so that was what we were doing. It just didn’t feel like enough though.

Asher and Eli had been reluctant to leave Addy that night. I’d basically had to strong-arm the both of them into going to bed and getting some rest, Jord and I promising one if us would stay with Addy. They needed sleep desperately. I had hated to see them both looking so pale and exhausted after the bombshell that had hit them.

I sat back as Addy calmed, desperate to just lie down and pull her into my arms. I didn’t though. I knew she felt safe with me now. She no longer looked terrified when I was near her. She let me hold her often when she was struggling and upset and she’d even hugged me a few times for no reason other than she wanted to, but after everything going on right then, I didn’t want to push my luck. Even if it was killing me to be so far from her when she clearly needed some comfort.

I clenched my fists before me until my knuckles turned white. I was so fucking filled with rage, but I was trying hard to keep a lid on it. I was just so angry at the idea of what Joseph Lyle had done to his own daughter, to that innocent girl Kane had found in the basement, and who knew how many others? And so fucking angry at what that evil old motherfucker was putting his children through right then.

Asher may not be ready to speak with me yet, but I knew him well enough to know the guilt of not knowing what his fatherwas up to was tearing him up inside. And Eli and Addy were just devastated to know that someone they shared DNA with could be that sick and twisted. Eli had lived in the house where it had been going on for who knew how long, and I knew he was struggling with that, no doubt blaming himself in some way, just like his brother.

Addy whined loudly, then turned violently in the bed, twisting herself up in the comforter. I jumped up and touched her back, just as I had every time before, but this time she recoiled away and let out a startled cry. Before I could try to reassure her and bring her around, she started to fight, hitting, and kicking out so violently she almost fell from the bed. I just managed to grab her before she fell off, but that just had her screaming and fighting harder.

“Addy!” I gasped as I fought to get a hold of her hands. Once I had them both in one of mine, I wrapped myself around her tightly, stilling her fight, terrified if I didn’t she was going to really hurt herself.

She continued to struggle against me, her cries muffled against my chest and I felt like a complete bastard for doing it.

“Please wake up for me, baby,” I pleaded as I continued to hold her. “You’re safe, Addy. I promise you’re safe.”

At my words she stilled in my arms and her cries stopped, but she was shaking violently in my arms and so damned cold even under the comforter.

“Adam?” she whimpered so weakly I only just heard it.

I leaned back enough so she could look up and see me, but I still dare not let her go.

“Just me, baby,” I whispered. She was looking up at me with confusion and fear, her eyes bright red and her face way too pale.

“Adam!” My name slipped from her, along with a deep sob, then she was crushing herself against me even tighter than I had been holding her. I wrapped my arms around her, knowing that was what she wanted from me, and I just held her as she sobbed so hard it broke my fucking heart.

Fuck, it wasn’t even my heart anymore. It was hers. I had given it to her entirely, already. I had fallen for her so many times in the brief period she had been with us. Every time she bravely put her trust in me, or forced a smile to try and stop any of us from worrying about her. Every time she smiled and her beautiful face lit up. Every time she let that beautiful, tinkling laugh of hers out and embraced the small hint of happiness amongst all she was going through.

She was beautiful, brave, and so incredibly sexy. The stronger and more confident she got with all of us, the deeper I fell for her. She was perfect and I was drawn to her in a way I didn’t even understand.

I didn’t know if anything could ever come of it. Addy was healing and she had a long way to go. I was pretty messed up too. Then there was Asher and Eli. Would they condone Addy and I being together? I wasn’t great relationship material – an ex addict who hadn’t even had a girlfriend in the last six years. The closest thing I had ever had to a genuine relationship was my high school girlfriend and that had been a long time ago.

Even if we could overcome all of that, I knew Jordan was into her too. I’d seen the way he watched her. He had fallen for her completely and I knew she returned at least some of those feelings, judging by the way she looked at him when she thoughtno one was watching. I knew I should step aside and let her be with Jordan. He was the better man – closer to her age and much better suited to give her what she needed.

I’d tried to step back. That was why I had sent them on the date to Central Park alone that day, but it was killing me. I wanted Addy in a way I had never wanted anyone or anything before and I just didn’t know that I could ever really step back and be the bigger man.

“I’m sorry,” Addy sniffled as she calmed down some and pulled out of my arms enough to look at me again. Her eyes were even redder and she just looked so frail and exhausted.

“We’ve talked about this,” I scolded gently. “No apologies. You have nothing to be sorry for.”

“You should look at your shirt before you say that,” she laughed through her tears. I looked down and saw the large wet patch on my t-shirt, then shrugged.

“It’s fine. How are you feeling?” I asked

A myriad of emotions rushed over her face as she considered her answer, before settling on, “Tired,” with a deep sigh.

“You need to get some more sleep.”

“Will you hold me, like this? Just until I fall asleep? I know it’s stupid, but I…I just feel safer when you hold me,” she told me shyly.

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