Page 19 of Lost in the Light

When we went to bed that night, I had known as Asher showed me to one of the seven bedrooms, that there was no way I was going to even try and sleep. The whole thing had me riding the nervous edge of anxiety hard, and I was positive only more darkness would await me in my nightmares.

Asher had refused to leave me alone, dragging a chair in from the living room and settling in it beside my bed as I crawled in, dressed in one of Jordan’s t-shirts and Eli’s shorts.

The guys all had clothes at the apartment, since they crashed there occasionally, but I didn’t have anything with me. Asher had arranged for some of my things to be brought in the morning, which suited me fine, since Jordan’s t-shirt smelled of him and comforted me as I laid in bed and closed my eyes, determined I would not allow sleep to pull me under.

I was relieved when Asher finally started to snore, finally getting the sleep he needed, even if it was in that uncomfortable armchair. When I opened my eyes I could see him in the light of the lamp he had left on, his arms folded and his chin resting on his chest. He still wore his jeans and sweater that he’d had on all day. I’d told him to go and change several times, but it was like he dare not let me out of his sight. I only hoped some sleep would help him to calm down his protective instincts, which seemed to be in over drive.

I slipped silently from the bed, grabbing the blanket from the foot, and wrapping it around my already shivering body. I didn’t understand why I was so cold when the whole apartment was way overheated, but I just could not seem to feel warm, no matter how many blankets the guys wrapped me in.

I left the bedroom and tiptoed down the long hall and into the kitchen. I was relieved some low lights had been left on so I could see where I was going. I didn’t want to trip, or knock anything that would wake the others. It had been a really stressful day and they all needed to rest.

I looked through the countless cabinets around me in the modern kitchen, until finally I found some instant hot chocolate. Maybe it would warm me up, I pondered as I filled a tea kettle and set it on the stove.

The thought of what came next wouldn’t stop running through my mind. I wanted to help the police and FBI to find all of the sick perverts who had been at those parties, but the only faces I could remember were those of Joseph Lyle, Hilton, and the two men who had been sat with him, as well as the innocents who cowered at their feet. I needed to get more of my memory back if I were to be any use in stopping it all, but that idea had me shaking instantly. The memories broke me each and every time they came, and it was more daunting than I could even begin to explain knowing how many more there had to be to come yet. What I had restored could only be a fraction of the two years I had lost – a fact I was very aware of.

Laura, my counsellor, had explained that I may never recover all of the memories, and I had been okay with that idea when she said it. The less hell I had to recall the better, right? But now I was doubting that, because maybe the more I could recall, the more people I could help and the more monsters I could put behind bars, where they belonged.

I needed to be stronger, I realized. If I really wanted to fight and face the monsters who had broken me and many others, in so very many ways, then I would need to face those two years head on and to do that I needed to be a hell of a lot tougher than I was or had ever been.

I had just settled at a seat at the small breakfast counter, my hot chocolate nestled between my hands, when the door of the apartment quietly clicked open. I saw the light from the hall spread across the floor just feet from me, then the silhouette of a man entering.

Fear filled me, even as I told myself I was being ridiculous. There were security right outside the door. They wouldn’t let just anyone in. Before I could address the overwhelming needpulsing through my body to flee, the figure stepped further into the apartment and I recognized him instantly.

“Kane,” I sighed breathily, so relieved that it was just him, and to have him with us all where we’d know for sure he was safe.

He turned to me with shock, his body instantly tensing and obviously ready to fight if necessary, but he relaxed again when he realized it was just me.

“Why are you always sneaking around in the middle of the night?” he asked with a huff.

“I’m not sneaking. I’m just sat here drinking hot chocolate,” I defended myself.

“Why aren’t you asleep?”

“Couldn’t sleep,” I shrugged. “What are you doing? You should be at the hospital under observation.”

“Had enough of their bullshit and discharged myself. I need to be here more.”

“You need to rest,” I sighed with a roll of my eyes. “You were almost blown up this morning!”

“Oh, so you did know what that huge boom was then?” he asked, his tone changing to something firmer that had this strange heat running through my body and straight to my core.

“What are you talking about?” I had to force myself not to get to my feet and start backing away as he moved towards me like a predator stalking it’s prey.

“Well, the only reason I could think you’d come running into that building like a fool this morning was because you didn’t understand how much danger you were putting yourself in,” hesaid, continually stalking to me so very slowly, his eyes dark and locked on mine.

“I wasn’t in danger.” I rolled my eyes again, trying hard not to show the heat coursing through me and the nerves that had me so on edge.

“Really? So the building wasn’t on fire, filled with smoke and falling down around you as you tried to drag my ass from it?”

“Well…yeah, but…”

“No.” Kane stopped my stuttering as he stopped so close to me my knees pressed against his firm thighs. “No buts. You put yourself in danger. You never do that again. Do you hear me?” he growled as he lifted a hand to my face and cupped it around my cheek so softly, sending a shiver down my spine.

“I hear you,” I replied breathlessly. “But I can’t agree to it.”

“You will agree to it.”

“I won’t,” I corrected him, more firmly. “Nothing will ever stop me from protecting the people I care about.”

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