Page 20 of Lost in the Light

“You care about me, Angel?” he placed his other hand on my opposite cheek so he was holding my face between both of his hands, staring deep into my eyes.

“You know I do, Kane.” I tried to turn my face from him, but he wouldn’t allow it. I looked up into his eyes again and let out the nervous breath I’d been holding. “I was so scared I’d lost you this morning,” I admitted.

“Addy…”

“I know,” I interrupted. “I know you don’t want this, and I’m not sure I could ever make it work either, but I…it doesn’t stop mefrom caring about you. It doesn’t take away these insane feelings I have inside of me for you. I…” Before I could utter another word Kane’s lips crashed down over mine hard.

I just sat stunned and amazed as he wrapped his hand around the back of my head. His tongue licked over the seam of my lips and that was when I realized I needed to react. I opened my mouth just a little and my tongue darted out, brushing softly over his. I was nervous and feeling unsure, never having really kissed much with the one loser I had dated years earlier. I was grateful when Kane took control back, angling my head slightly to the side as his tongue brushed over mine. He tasted of mint and coffee as he wrapped his arm around my waist and pulled me even closer against his rock hard body. I reached up, sliding my hands over his shoulders and linking them behind his neck, needing to be closer and never wanting the perfect, thrill filled moment to end. I moaned as my nipples, bare under the thin t-shirt, brushed against the roughness of his coat. That only seemed to spur Kane on as his kiss delved even deeper and became more desperate and furious. I moved my hands to his back, rubbing over the hard plains I found there, fighting to move on the stool I sat on, just needing more of him.

Kane was the one to end it, pulling away and taking in a deep breath, his eyes still locked on mine. I tried to move closer again, wanting his lips back on mine, but he moved his hands to the tops of my arms and held me in place.

“We can’t do this, Addy. I made your brother a promise,” he panted as his eyes turned from heated, instead filling with regret. I wanted to be annoyed with him, but how could I when he already looked so filled with guilt and confusion? He was loyal to Asher and he wanted to keep his promise to protect me. He couldn’t do that and be with me. I got that.

“I know,” I nodded as I forced some air in and sat back in the stool, putting some space between us. “I’m sorry.”

“Fuck. Don’t apologise. That was all on me and I don’t regret it, Addy. I mean that. That was the greatest kiss of my whole damned life,” he told me as he dropped his hands from my arms and stepped back a little more. “I just…I can’t break that promise. Now more than ever, Asher needs to know you’re protected and I have to give him that. I owe him so much.”

“I get it, Kane. You don’t need to explain. It’s not like it could go anywhere any way. I’m too messed up,” I looked to him with a smile, hoping for some levity, but he just scowled at me.

“Don’t say that about yourself,” he growled.

“I should go back to bed.” I got to my feet and rounded the counter, moving to the sink to empty out the hot chocolate I had barely touched. I hoped Kane would walk away, but when I turned back he still stood there, looking as torn up as I felt.

“I’m sorry, Angel,” he whispered.

“Me too,” I sighed. I walked over to him and wrapped my arms around his waist, unable to stop myself. “Are we okay?” I found the courage to ask.

“Always, sweet girl. Go back to bed and get some sleep. I’ll stay out here on the sofa if you need anything.” He kissed the top of my head then released me. I had to fight hard not to look back at him as I padded from the room and down the hall.

I understood nothing could happen between us. Kane had a job to do, and I was sure I couldn’t really handle a relationship after everything, but damn!

That kiss had been spectacular and it had left me wanting more. In those few moments Kane had made me feel alive in a way I had never ever felt in my whole life. Knowing I was walking away from that had tears filling my eyes and gave me a small understanding of what people meant when they talked about ‘heart break.’ I guessed falling deeply, for three men I knew I could never have, would have that effect, wouldn’t it?

I was almost back to my room when I heard Asher cry out so loudly it made my heart start to pound hard, instantly. The cry sounded anguished and scared, so loud it seemed to echo through the whole apartment.

“Asher!” I cried as I set off running the last few steps to the bedroom. I threw the door open, but before I could run in, Asher was there. He shoved past me hard, knocking me to the ground effortlessly. By the time I sat up and looked after him, he was running down the hall, yelling and looking around him at something that clearly wasn’t there.

I opened my mouth to call out to him, but stopped when Kane appeared from nowhere and tackled my brother to the ground so quickly I barely registered what was happening.

Adam and Eli came running from their rooms as Asher and Kane wrestled on the ground, Asher fighting with everything in him to get free of Kane. Kane was struggling, my brother taller and way bulkier than him, but he was holding his own.

“Fuck!” Adam cursed as he sped past where I sat on the ground and dove in to help Kane keep Asher down.

“Addy?” I turned and found Eli crouching behind me. “Did he hurt you?”

“Of course not!” I cried. “Asher wouldn’t,”

“He’s having a night terror. He doesn’t see any of us right now. He’s back in whatever hell he survived,” Eli sighed tiredly.

“Should I help?” Jordan asked as he came stumbling from another bedroom his hair wild from sleep. He rubbed at his eyes, dressed only in a pair of knee length shorts, his chest bare.

“Maybe. Kane shouldn’t even be here,” Eli replied.

“You okay, princess?” Jordan asked as he stooped beside me and bent down a little.

“I’m fine. I just got knocked over. Help Asher, please.”

“This used to happen a lot when he first got out, but hardly ever now. I think the explosion triggered something for him,” Eli explained.

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