Page 3 of Lost in the Light

Only it doesn’t stop this time. Joseph – I can’t think of him as my father. I can’t go there – grabs the top of my arm roughly and all but drags me from the opulent lounge and down a hallway.

“Please, d-don’t do this,” I whimper as I fight with everything I have to escape the grip he has on me, but he just sneers at me as he opens a wide oak doorway and throws me into the room before him. I land in a heap on the floor, my already injured body screaming at me in pain, but I need to stay focused, so I look up and ignore the pain, my eyes landing on the monster coming into the room and closing the door, with the click of a lock.

I tell myself to move, to run! I’m screaming in my head that this man – this evil monster – is my damned sperm donor, and I know I have to get away, but this isn’t just a nightmare. It’s a memory of what happened to me. One I can’t seem to alter or affect in any way. All I can do is watch, feel, and relive every terrifying second.

“I knew you’d give me a fight tonight,” Joseph said as he crouched beside me and ran a hand through my hair. “You’re pretty, but I saw that fire in your eyes. You’re tough too, just begging to be broken.” With the last word, he wraps my long hair around his fist and wrenches me closer to him until my face is almost nose to nose with him. “Do you know who I am?” he asked.

“N-no,” I whimper, the pain in my scalp burning.

“You will. One day. When that day comes, remember this moment and know that I am always in control!”

I had no idea what he meant by that, but I didn’t have time to consider it. He slammed my head to the hard stone floor, hitting it so hard against the tile, that everything around me dimmed. By the time the fuzz in my head cleared enough for me to become cognizant, I was laid on a bed, my wrists and ankles bound and restrained to the tall metal bed posts at each corner. I pulled against them as I lifted my head.

“Good, this will be much more fun if you’re with me enough to scream properly,” Joseph remarked. I found him stood at the foot of the bed. His shirt was gone and he stood in only his black trousers, a black leather bag opened before him on the bed between my legs.

As he started to pull items from the bag, tears filled my eyes and rolled down my cheeks. My whole body was trembling andI wanted to scream, but what would be the use? No one was coming to save me. I knew that. I couldn’t escape, couldn’t fight.

The sight of a long leather whip following the multiple torture looking devices he had already lined up on the foot of the bed, was more than I could handle and I closed my eyes. I didn’t want to see any more. He was going to hurt me, but I refused to let him have the terror he clearly hoped to inflict on me with his little show of implements.

“Time for that lesson I promised you, little girl,” he hissed, so close to me I felt his breath on my ear. “Remember, I’m always in control and I never, ever lose,” he added. I jolted at the feel of his cold hand sweeping down my abdomen.

The jolt awoke me sharply and I sat up and looked around me in a wild haze of panic. My room. I was home. I was safe.

“Addy. It’s okay, beautiful. We’re right here. You’re okay,” Jordan told me in a rush as he jumped up from the chair he’d been sat in, beside the bed, and came to my side, sitting on the edge of the bed but not touching me.

“Deep breath, baby. You’re home,” Adam added as he leant forward in the chair he was in and grabbed my shaking hand.

“I’m just going to put my arm around you, okay?” Jordan asked, and I nodded. I was too breathless to tell him I wanted his touch desperately. I needed it to feel grounded again.

As Jordan wrapped me in both of his arms and pulled me into his side, I pulled on Adam’s hand until he got to his feet and climbed onto the bed too.

“You want me closer, honey?” he asked as he paused on his knees near the foot of the bed.

“Please,” I squeaked, and then he was right there, at my other side, wrapping himself around me too. With the heat and strength of the both of them caging me in, I felt safe enough to focus on calming my breathing, but the nightmare was still in my head, playing over and over again. Joseph – my own father - had dragged me to that room to torture me. Did he know who I was? Was that what he meant? It had to be, didn’t it? But I didn’t understand. He wanted me to know that he was always in control, but what did that matter now? He was dead. The only reason he’d been in control that day was because he was a monster and I had no chance for escape from him.

“You need to let whatever you’re thinking about right now go, princess. You’re panicking again,” Jordan prompted, pulling me from my confusing and dark thoughts and back into the room.

“Just focus on us, Addy. Focus on our arms around you. Focus on Jordans breathing and try to copy it, okay? We’re here. No one will ever hurt you while we’re here,” Adam promised.

“I moved a shaky hand onto Adam’s forearm, and wrapped my other around Jordan’s bicep, burying myself even tighter against him and trying to listen for the sounds of his steady breaths over my own frantic gasps. Adam was wrapped around both of us, making me feel exactly what he had said – that no one could ever get through him to hurt me.

It felt so right between them, but I couldn’t ignore the nagging thought that something was missing. Or someone. Kane. I wanted him there too. I wanted them all holding me. I didn’t understand why, but I needed him there too, and I hated that he wasn’t.

“You’re doing so good, princess,” Jordan whispered and I felt him place a kiss on the top of my head. My breathing was slowerand less panicked and the images in my head were receding as I managed to take back some control of my mind.

“I’m okay,” I whispered when I felt steady enough to talk. I lifted my head and looked to Jordan. He forced a smile for me, but it didn’t hide the stress and worry on his handsome face. “Are Asher and Eli okay?” I asked. I hadn’t spoken to them since we left their offices, and I knew what I had told them had to be really hard to hear. Joseph Lyle was their father too – one who actually raised them. To find out he could do that to innocent people – to his own daughter – it had to rock them pretty hard.

“They’re worried about you, but they’re okay. They sat with you earlier, but I made them both go and sleep,” Adam told me. When I turned to him he looked exhausted and pale.

“Haveyouslept?” I asked. “You look tired.” I reached a hand up and ran it over the stubble on his chin.

“I’m fine. No worrying about me.”

“Did you have another nightmare?” Jordan asked. They had released me a little so I could sit up and see them both, but I was glad they hadn’t let me go.

“Yeah,” I nodded. “A memory…or more from the flashback earlier.”

“You saw more?” Adam asked. I saw the way he looked worriedly from me to Jordan and back.

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