Page 35 of Lost in the Light

“Yes. It has me, Kane. I’m lost…I d-don’t know what to do,” she was sobbing now, her words pouring out between gasps for breath and squeaking cries.

“I know. That darkness, it has you Addy and it’s trying to control your thoughts again, isn’t it? It’s making everything dark?”

“I’m scared…but I…I don’t want to hurt anyone anymore.”

“You have to let someone help you find the way out of the darkness, Angel. You hear me? Whatever you’re thinking right now, I want you to ignore it all and take a breath. Do it now for me.”

“She’s moving, Kane. Keep going,” Eli whispered to me.

“Good girl,” I told her. “Now you’re going to reach up and unlock that door. There’s nothing to worry about. Everyone’s safe.” I had no idea what she meant about hurting the others, but I had a feeling she was freaking out over Asher being in danger becauseof something she perceived as her fault. It wasn’t of course, but I didn’t want to waste time talking to her about that now. I just needed the others to be able to get to her.

“I’m scared, Kane.”

“You have nothing to be scared of. No one can get to you where you are. Everyone in that apartment is safe, and so is Asher. I’m here looking out for him, aren’t I? Do you think I’d let anything happen to him?”

“N-no.”

“That’s right. Unlock the door now, Addy,” I told her. The line was silent, then I heard the slight snick of what could only be the lock releasing.

“That’s it. You’re doing so good, pretty girl. Now I just need you to move away from the door, okay? There’s only Adam, Jordan, and Eli outside. You’re all safe,” I reminded her again.

“I want you and Asher to c-come home,” she said more firmly, and, much to my relief, sounding slightly calmer too.

“We’re getting on the jet in an hour, sweetheart. We’ll both be home really soon,” Asher spoke up.

“See? There’s nothing to worry about. Take another breath for me, then slide away from the door so the guys can open it.” I added.

“Kane? It’s open. Thanks man,” Jordan came on the line, the sound changing as he took the call off of speaker.

“Don’t let her out of your sight, Jordan. Last time she came to me as upset as that, she was talking about hurting herself. You have to keep her close. You hear me?”

“Why the fuck haven’t you told us about that?” Jordan hissed.

“Hit me later. Right now you have to watch her like a hawk. Am I clear?” I snapped.

“Fine. Just get your asses back here. She needs us all right now.” Jordan ended the call before I could say anything else.

“She spoke to you about harming herself?” Asher asked as he looked to me with horror.

“Yeah.” I handed him his cell back and took a deep breath, trying to calm my racing heart.She’s safe for now, I told myself over and over again in my head. “She came to my place in the middle of the night. It was after the thing with her heart. She was a mess and she told me she had thought about ending her life. She didn’t want to do it, but her thoughts had spiraled and she came to me because she knew I’d get it.”

“Why the fuck did you not tell me? I need to know if she’s thinking about suicide, Kane!” Ash roared angrily.

“She didn’t want to die. She was just in a really dark place. We talked and I made sure she wasn’t a risk to herself. I don’t think she’d do it, Asher. You know I’d have come to you if I had any doubts.”

“And now? You’re worried now, aren’t you?”

“It gets really fucking dark in her head after everything she’s been through, and she can’t fight the darkness away some days. She wants to be strong, but she’s not. She’s exhausted and in pieces. We just need to keep a much closer eye on her for now,” I explained as best I could. It was so hard to explain to Asher the darkness that coursed through both Addy and me. It was a feeling you couldn’t know unless you had been wrapped in itso fucking tight that you felt sure it could kill you. I knew that feeling, and so did Addy.

“Should I talk to a medical professional? There are programs we could look into. They’d have people who know how to deal with this kind of thing,” Asher suggested.

“What Addy needs is people she trusts surrounding and supporting her. Lock her in a prison filled with strangers and you’ll lose her forever, Asher.”

“Not a prison. I’d pay to get her in the best place. I’m sure there are some wonderful facilities.”

“It would be a prison to her. Don’t you see that? She needs to feel free and in control. You take the small amount of power that she has managed to gain back from her, and it will cripple her. You can’t take her freedom from her again. The cage might be gilded this time, but it would still be a cage!” I barked, fuming that he would even consider sending her away.

“I just want her to be safe, Kane,” Asher sighed as he rubbed a hand over his exhausted face.

---