Page 37 of Lost in the Light

“How are you feeling, honey?” he asked softly.

“Worn out,” I whispered. My throat hurt from all of the crying I’d done, on top of the damage caused by the smoke from the fire.

“Can you try and drink some water? I’m worried you might be a little dehydrated.”

“He’s right, Addy. Just try and take a few sips for us, okay?” Jordan chimed in, and I gave a reluctant nod. I was so completely exhausted from hours of trying to battle my mental demons. All I wanted to do was snuggle between the both of them and close my eyes.

Jordan sat forward, and helped me to sit up too. He supported me heavily as I wrapped my shaking hand around the bottle of water Adam presented me with. I was grateful when he kept agrip on the bottle too as I brought it to my lips and took a few small sips.

When Adam tried to bring it to my lips again I shook my head and slumped back into Jordan.

“Jordan’s going to keep the bottle. You need to try and drink some more when you feel ready, yeah?”

“Okay,” I whispered.

“Eli’s heating some chicken broth too. I want you to try and eat some. You haven’t eaten for hours,” Adam added more firmly. I didn’t know why, but when he used that tone my body seemed to pay attention more, just like when Kane had spoken with me earlier. It helped. It was like when they became more demanding, my body just automatically went with the command, and bypassed my addled, terrified, and confused mind.

“I’ll try,” I told him.

“Good girl.” Adam kissed my temple, then rose to his feet and disappeared again.

“I know you’re tired, beautiful, but we’re all really worried about you. Just let us take care of you,” Jordan said as he wrapped his arms around me again.

“I’m worried about me too,” I whispered as I turned my head and rested it against his chest so that I could hear his steady heartbeat.

“We’ve got you. You don’t need to worry about anything.” He kissed the top of my head and urged me to relax against him even more, which I happily did. Sat in his arms like that madethe noise that I’d been so very lost in for most of the day, so much quieter.

When Eli brought the bowl of soup in for me, I really tried to sit up and eat some. Adam was stood off to the side, his arms crossed over his chest as he watched me with the worry I could see in all of their faces. When my hand shook too badly to get any soup anywhere near my mouth, Eli took over and spoon fed me about half of the bowl before I couldn’t manage anymore. Eli, at least, seemed appeased by my effort.

I started to doze once I was able to snuggle into Jordan again, my exhaustion overriding my anxiety and fears. I dare not allow myself to sleep fully at first, too afraid of nightmares. At some point Adam took me from Jordan and I found myself laid against his broader body instead. I could hear the television on softly in the back ground, and the rumble of Eli and Jordan talking quietly. That, along with the security I felt in Adam’s arms, his huge body surrounding me and keeping me so warm, was finally enough for me to give into sleep completely.

***

I had no idea how long I’d been asleep, but I was roused awake slowly by the soft drone of voices close by. I opened my eyes and realized I was no longer in the living room with Adam. I now lay in my room at the penthouse, snuggled under the comforter in the center of the huge, comfortable bed.

“How has she been?” That was Asher. He was right outside the door of my room, which was open a fraction. I was so relieved he was back.

“She’s mainly slept. By the time we got to her earlier, she was so exhausted she could barely even speak,” Eli answered with a deep sigh.

“Did she eat anything?” Kane. Just the sound of his voice made my heart rate pick up. I wanted nothing more than to jump up and run to him. I knew the lingering darkness, which I could already feel pushing into my consciousness, would quieten more if he would just hold me.

“Yeah. Some soup, and Adam got her to drink a little. She was in a bad way. We were worried sick,” Jordan replied this time. I hated how much I had terrified them all. It had been written all over Adam, Jordan, and Eli’s faces when I managed to unlock my door and saw the three of them. I hadn’t meant to cause so much commotion and upset. I hadn’t meant to lose it either, but it was just so out of my control. When the dark thoughts wanted to pull me down, it was like I was powerless to stop it. I got so lost, and it was worse than simply not being able to find my way out again. It was like I couldn’t even make myselftryto find a way out.

“You’ve been watching over her, like I said?” Kane asked.

“One of us has been with her every second,” Eli confirmed. “Jordan told me what you told him. Do you really think she…” Eli stopped talking and he took a breath so deep I could hear it through the door. “…that she’d want to hurt herself? How could we not realize things had come to such a terrible place for her?”

“We knew she was suffering, Eli,” Asher spoke up. “I just hoped she was coping a little better because she has all of us. You’re not the only one who missed just how much pain she truly must be in.” There was guilt in Asher’s voice – a guilt I had heard from him way too much. He had nothing to feel guilty about. None of them did. I had tried hard to hide the worst of my anxiety and melancholy from them. I hadn’t wanted them to see me as any weaker, and more pathetic than I was already sure they did. I had just wanted to be strong and to be there for them too. Now Ihad messed it all up again, and only added more worries to their plates.

“What should we do? We can’t watch her every second of every day. I mean, I would, if that’s what we need to do, but I don’t think she’ll allow us to do that?” Jordan questioned.

“I agree, and even if we could get away with never letting her out of our sight, if she’s that low right now, she’ll find a way if that’s what she’s decided she needs to do,” Adam added, and the tension in his voice spoke of pain. I was hurting him.

“Please don’t say that. I can’t…” Eli’s voice was shaking slightly as he struggled to get his words out. “We can’t let that happen. We can’t lose her.”

“We’re not going to let it happen. I’ve arranged a video session with Addy’s counsellor for her, first thing in the morning, and every day after, for as long as Addy needs the sessions that regularly. We’re going to keep a close eye on her, and most importantly, we’re going to be here for her. We’re going to make sure she knows how much she means to us all and how much we need her.”

“I’ve moved all of the pain meds from the bathroom and locked them in a box in my closet. Ash, you need to make sure you’re gun is secured,” Adam ordered.

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