Page 47 of Lost in the Light

Addy’s face turned bright red as she looked between us, then lowered her gaze to her hands where they sat in her lap.

“I…I’d like to try, if I’m honest,” she admitted quietly. “I have feelings for all of you and they’re really confusing, but also really strong. I don’t know how it would all work, or even if it could, but I feel like I should try, if you’re all willing to? I can’t ignore how good I feel when I’m with you guys.”

“I feel exactly the same, princess. It’s like you were made for me and I’m definitely in, one hundred per cent,” I eagerly replied as I reached over and took her hand. She glanced up at me with a shy smile. It was the cutest thing I’d ever seen.

“I’m in too, as long as this is what you want. I’ve been falling for you since the first moment you walked into our kitchen, baby,” Adam told her. She smiled up at him too, the relief on her face clear to see. Then she looked to Kane and all of her anxiety returned.

“I get it if this isn’t what you want, Kane. I know you told me before that…”

“Fuck what I said before,” he growled as he turned to her and stepped closer. He dropped down to his haunches before her and placed his hand over her knee. “Asher asked me about our relationship, so he knows something’s going on. I don’t think he’d hold me to that promise I made, if I spoke to him.”

“He won’t. I spoke with him and Eli this morning about everything. Ash wanted to talk to you and let you know he was okay with us being together, if that’s what we want,” Addy cut in.

“I need to talk to him myself, but, no matter what, that promise will always stand, Angel. I will always protect you. With my life if necessary. I am never going to allow anyone to hurt you again,” he told her.

“What does that mean?” Addy asked nervously.

“I guess I’m in too, but I don’t know if I can make this work. I’m not good at sharing, and since the explosion that took me out of the military, I’m not much of a team player either. I want to try though. If this is the only way I can have you, then I’m going to fight like hell to make it work.”

“We’re gonna need to go slow. I…I don’t know what I’ll be okay with,” Addy said as she looked between the three of us. “Cuddling is good, and I…I was fine when Kane and I kissed, but I just don’t know…if it gets to more than that, I don’t know what my reaction will be.”

“We’ll move at whatever pace you set, honey. You have the power, okay? If we start to move too fast, you need to be honest with us,” Adam cut in.

“I can do that,” she agreed. “But you all need to be honest with me too. You need to tell me if it’s not enough and if you want out. I’ll understand, but I need you to tell me. I’ve only ever had one relationship and it wasn’t great.”

“What does that mean?” Kane demanded.

“When I was at college I had this thing with my English lit professor. He was older and married. I don’t even know what I was thinking,” she groaned as she slammed a hand over her eyes, looking embarrassed. “He just showed so much interest in me, and he was kind. I needed that; you know? I just wanted someone to care about me for once.”

“Of course you did. We all need that sometimes,” I agreed. I could understand the way she had felt at that time. Her mom had been an evil, selfish bitch who had stolen Addy’s childhood, and made her be an adult way too soon. Of course she would fall for the first person who feigned care and compassion.

“Ian was nice at first. We used to meet at his office on campus. He’d buy me gifts and he seemed to really care. He’d check in with me throughout the day, ask if I was doing okay, if I needed anything. I’d never had that before.” Addy went on.

“What happened?” Kane asked, growing impatient.

“For a while it was okay…the sex, I mean. He was my first and he took his time. Even though it hurt, he made it feel special for me.” I was surprised at the fiery rage that burst within me at the thought of any other man putting hands on Addy. She was ours and I absolutely hated the idea of any other man, especially some asshole professor, putting his filthy hands on her. I discreetly forced a deep breath in, in an attempt to keep my cool, as Addy went on, “After that we met up at his office a few times, and things were kind of as I expected, not that I knew anything that I didn’t read in romance novels. It wasn’t as amazing as anything I’d read, but I figured it was reality, which can be very different from fiction. It wasn’t the sex I was there for anyway. I just wanted him, his affection and kindness. I liked being that close to him.

“Then one day, he told me he’d booked a hotel for us. I was excited. I’d never even been to a hotel before. I dressed up especially for him, not wanting to embarrass him. He was a wealthy guy and I figured it would be some fancy high end place he was taking me to.”

“It wasn’t, I’m guessing?” I interjected

“No. I was really shocked and kind of nervous when I got there and it was this crappy, run down place. There were some homeless looking guys hanging around the parking lot and outside the front office. I almost left, but I didn’t want to let Ian down. I opened the door to the room number he’d texted me and…well, that night things changed. He was really rough with me. He wanted to act out these scenes, I guess you’d call them?” Addy looked to me with a mix of question and anxiety and I nodded, encouraging her as I squeezed her hand trying to comfort her. “The one he liked most was me coming into the hotel room and him hiding. He’d jump out at me and…I guess heliked to pretend he was like a rapist. I had to try to fight him off and cry and stuff. He was so rough and I usually ended up hurt.”

“Fuck, baby,” Adam cursed as he stood behind Kane looking over her with concern and some anger simmering beneath.

“I kept going back because I didn’t want him to leave me. I know it sounds pathetic, but I didn’t want to be alone.”

“That’s not pathetic, beautiful. No one wants to be alone,” I told her.

“He started booking the hotel room every week for a few months. The last time I went, he accidentally knocked me into a dresser when he tackled me to the floor. There was so much bleeding and it wouldn’t seem to stop, but it just seemed to get Ian excited or something. I begged him to stop, so I could take care of my head, but he acted like it was all just part of the scene and held me down. Afterwards, he just left the room, and I was laid bleeding and crying. I knew then I had to stop. I texted him that it was over, and switched classes so I wouldn’t have to see him as much. He never spoke to me again after that.”

“I want his name,” Kane snapped, startling Addy.

“It was a long time ago Kane, and it was my own stupid fault for going along with it,” she told him gently. “So you see, my relationship history sucks and I have no idea how to make anything work between us,” she went on as she swiped some tears from her cheeks. “But I’m game to try, if you are?”

I looked between Kane and Adam, who both nodded. I could see they were both raging inside at what that asshole, who should have known better, had put our girl through, as much as I was.

“We’re all in, babe,” I told her with a smile.

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