Page 6 of Lost in the Light

“Then talk to me. We’ll uncomplicate it together,” he almost pleaded.

“I can’t. I’m sorry. I just…I can’t.”

“Then I’ll wait, as long as it takes. I’m not going anywhere unless you tell me to,” he told me firmly.

“I don’t want you to go anywhere.” I had no idea how anything could ever work between us. There were so very many obstacles to overcome, not least of which the fact that I had feelings not only for Jordan, but for Adam and Kane too. It was a mess. One I just didn’t have the energy to try and unravel at that point, no matter how much I may want to.

“Addy?” We both turned and looked to the door of my room as Asher came in. He was dressed in sweatpants and a T-shirt, his hair wild and messy. He looked pale and I instantly worried even more about him.

“Asher. Are you okay?” I gasped as I moved for Jordan to put me on my feet. He obliged and I ran right over to Asher wrapping my arms around him. “Have you eaten or slept?” I worried as I looked up at him, refusing to release him.

“Stop fussing. I’m fine. It’s you I’m worried about. I thought I heard you cry out?” He wrapped an arm around me, but his whole body was tense as he looked down at me.

“I was laughing. I’m good,” I reassured him.

“You’re sure?”

“I had a nightmare, but Jordan and Adam took care of me. Then Jordan made me laugh. Hard to believe, I know,” I joked.

“A nightmare? Did you remember more?” he asked as he frowned.

“A little,” I nodded.

“She’s not up to talking about it yet, Ash,” Jordan stepped in, and I felt him close at my back.

“Of course. You tell me when you feel ready, sweetheart.”

“Is Eli okay?” I asked.

“He’s upset. We both are, but mainly we’re worried about you.” Asher released himself from my hold and pulled me to the end of my bed, where we both sat. Jordan said something about checking on Adam, then disappeared, leaving Asher and I alone.

I placed a hand on his arm and waited for him to speak, sensing there was something he wanted to say, but he was struggling and after several moments I spoke instead.

“I’m sorry, Asher,” I told him.

“Sorry? What on earth for?” he gasped as he lifted his head and looked to me.

“For having to tell you what I did about your dad. For bringing you more stress and upset.”

“No, Addy. Never. You never apologize for any of that. Do you hear me? None of what happened to you was your fault, and nothing that comes from that time is either. Joseph Lyle was a fucking monster. I will never think of him or refer to him as my father again. That – everything he did, all of the evil in him – it’s on him. You never take even one iota of that on your shoulders. You were an innocent victim who somehow found the strength to fight and survive. All you should feel, about any of the time with those monsters, is pride that you lived and stayed strong.”

“I’m worried about you and Eli though,” I sighed.

“We’ll be fine. We were both just a little scared that you’d hate us after getting that memory back, I think. I’ve been so worried you’d push me away the second you saw me.”

“Of course I wouldn’t. I know you’re not like him, Asher. Neither of you are. I would never blame you for what he did, nor would I tar you with the same brush as him. He was a monster, like you said. You and Eli, you’re everything he could never be – good, honest, loyal, and caring. You’ve done nothing but make me feel safe and loved. I could never hate either of you. I love you both, so much,” I explained tearfully.

“We love you too, sweetheart.” He pulled me into his arms and held me as his body finally relaxed against me. Was that what he was worried about? How could he ever think I’d hate him? Hate either of them?

“We’ll all be okay, won’t we? We can get past this?” I worried.

“I won’t allow it to be any other way. I promise you that.”

CHAPTER 3

ADDY

Asher had stayed with me for the rest of the night. Adam and Jordan returned with sandwiches, which we all ate, then they went to bed. I slept pretty well, with Asher in his armchair beside me, my hand held firmly in his.

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