Page 60 of Lost in the Light

Another flash and I’m untied, curled up in the center of the bed, my body trembling and pain ricocheting through every inch of nerve ending. Blood everywhere. On me. On the sheets below me. I can smell it. I can feel it running down my back.

I dare not close my eyes because I don’t want to see anymore, but the scene changes anyway. I’m being pinned to the bed, a heavy weight over me, my hands held in place so tightly I can’t move an inch, heavy thighs pinning my legs down. Grunting and pain. So much pain. I feel like I’m being ripped apart.

“Look at me!” That deep voice. I look up and he’s over me. He’s the one pinning me down. He’s the one ripping me in two. Joseph. My father. “I own you. Never forget that. I fucking own you!”

“ADDY!” The bellow ripped me from hell, and my eyes snapped open. I began to fight to get up, to get away, and threw myself to the floor in the process.

“NO!” I screamed, but my throat was so tight, little sound actually came out. I started to back away from the bed.I have to find the door. I have to get out!

“Addy, it’s me. It’s Kane. You’re home.” Kane’s voice jolted me to enough awareness to look up and there he was, knelt on the floor just a couple of feet before me. “You’re home, angel. You’re safe.”

I allowed myself to take a desperate gasping pant for air, but my lungs wouldn’t allow it. My chest felt like it was being crushed. I could still feelhisweight over me, pinning me down.

“No,” I rasped again as the images started to play out in my mind, over and over. I can feel his breath on my face; smell it too - almost like cigarettes, but different. I can hear his words over and over as he tears me apart.

“Addy! Look at me right now!” Kane barked and instantly my eyes opened and searched out his. I hadn’t even realized I’d closed them. “Good girl. Keep looking at me. Who am I?”

“Kane,” I whispered.

“That’s right. You think I’d let anyone hurt you? You think anyone in this house would allow anything to happen to you? Look around. Tell me where you are,” he said firmly, but still keeping a distance between us.

I did as he said and glanced around me quickly, returning my eyes to his the second I was sure where I was. I needed him in my sight. He was the only thing keeping me from sinking back to that hell.

“My r-room. Home…I’m home,” I shakily told him.

“That’s right. You’re safe. It was just a nightmare. There’s only you and I here right now,” he soothed.

“S-sorry,” I told him. My whole body was shaking so hard it was making my muscles ache. I was so cold my teeth were chattering and I just couldn’t seem to get enough air in to stop my desperate gasping.

“I’m going to come closer so I can hold you now, okay?” he asked gently.

“No!” I cried. “D-don’t touch me…please don’t.” A sob slipped free between my fight to breathe, and tears were streaming down my face.

“Okay. I’ll stay right here. Do you want me to get someone else? Asher or Adam? Tell me what you need.” I looked up into his eyes and broke even more at the mix of pain and fear I saw in them.

“I…I can feel him…on m-my skin. H-he r-raped me, Kane. Joseph…he…he’s still here. I c-can feel him!” I cried as I ripped up the t-shirt I weas wearing and clawed at my stomach where I could still feel his weight pressed into me, his skin rubbing against mine, slick with my blood. Tears streamed down my face as I looked to Kane with desperation. “Make it stop. Please! Please j-just m-ake it stop!”

“I will, Addy. I promise I will,” he pledged as he looked to me with glassy eyes. “We’re gonna take a shower, okay? Can you let me help you up?”

I nodded, unable to form more words. Kane approached me cautiously, but I was just relieved when I felt his arms go around me. I fell against him, knowing he was safe, and I just broke. I was already pretty sure that this flashback; those images of my own father destroying me in the worst way possible, would be one that I’d never find a way to live with. This may be the one that crippled me for good.

KANE

“Addy? Can you hear me, pretty girl?” I tried again. I had her in the bathroom, the shower running behind us, filling the room with steam, but I didn’t dare take Addy’s pajamas off before she’d responded to me. And that wasn’t happening. She was clinging on to me, her hands gripping my bare shoulders tightly,so I knew she was conscious, but it was like she’d checked out and I couldn’t get her to respond to me. It was scaring the shit out of me.

“Okay. I’m gonna pick you up and we’re gonna get some help, okay?” I told her, trying to sound less frantic than I felt inside. I hoped it might make her come back to me, but still she just leaned into me and didn’t move.

I wrapped my hands around her thighs and lifted her legs, wrapping them around my waist and holding them there as I moved back to the bedroom.

I felt like a total failure as I grabbed my cell phone from the nightstand and dialed Jordan. Apart from the night Addy had come out to my place, this was one of the first full nights I’d spent alone with her, and I was already calling for help. I just didn’t know what to do though, and I was terrified of making things worse for her when she was already so fragile.

Maybe it would have been better to call one of her brothers, or Adam, since he seemed the most together of the three of us that had fallen for Addy, but I didn’t want any of them to see me messing up. I didn’t want Jordan seeing it either, but I felt like he was the one who would judge my uncertainty the least.

“Kane?” Jordan answered, obviously half asleep.

“Can you come to Addy’s room? Something’s wrong and I…I need help,” I admitted, hating myself for the show of weakness. Jordan ended the call and seconds later he came bounding through the door and into the room. He hadn’t even stopped to pull on a shirt, but he was fully awake and worried as he looked around and took in how Addy was slumped against me where I now sat on the edge of the bed. Her legs were still around mywaist and her hands clutched my shoulders, but otherwise it was like she was unconscious.

Jordan turned and closed the bedroom door quietly, then he crossed the room and crouched before me.

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