Page 62 of Lost in the Light

“She’s worn herself out, I think,” Jordan whispered as he looked over Addy to me.

“Let’s get her into bed,” I suggested. Jordan reached over to shut off the water, then indicated for me to stay with Addy while he slipped from the shower, returning a moment later with a towel wrapped around his hips and another laid open over his arms.We worked wordlessly to get Addy, who was definitely asleep now, into Jordan’s arms and wrapped in the large fluffy towel.

Addy stirred a little as we got her dried off and carried her through to her room, but she’d obviously exhausted herself, because she didn’t wake up. I sat on the bed with her while Jordan grabbed some pajamas. I was relieved when he set to work removing her wet panties under the towel she was still wrapped in and pulled on dry ones. I knew it made me an asshole, considering how upset Addy had been, but I knew I wouldn’t have been able to slide off her panties without getting an erection faster than a teenage boy in a girls locker room.

Once Addy was dressed we set her under the comforter in the middle of the bed, then took turns to go to the bathroom and pull off our wet underwear, and pull on the dry pants we had.

When I walked back into the bedroom and saw Addy curled into Jordan’s side, his arm firmly around her, I waited for jealousy to hit me, just as it had that day they were together in the park. But it didn’t come. I knew I had nothing to be jealous of. Yes Jordan and Adam could claim Addy as theirs, but so could I. We all cared for her, and she was ours. That was something I was good with, shocked as I was to realize it. As long as Addy was safe and content, maybe I could be too.

CHAPTER 18

ADDY

“Jesus fucking Christ!” I turned at the curse and smiled a little when I saw Adam hurrying towards me, his arm wrapped around himself and his hands tucked into his armpits. It was little wonder since he was wearing shorts, likely coming from the gym, with just a hooded sweater. “It’s fucking freezing out here!” he gasped as he stepped up into the gazebo and kicked the snow from his sneakers against one of the posts.

“Well, don’t come out in shorts then,” I laughed.

“I had to. Kane text me to come and get you. and he was pissed. He got an alert on his phone as soon as you stepped out of the door. He doesn’t want you out here,” Adam explained, his breath visible in the frigid air with every word.

“He’s in a meeting. He told me this morning,” I argued. I had woken that morning securely pressed between Kane and Jordan. My meltdown the night before and the memory that had caused it returned quickly too, and I had been mortified to discover the guys had been forced to take care of me when I zoned out to escape the pain of it all.

The guys had tried to cover it, but I had seen the worry and fear for me all over their faces, and I knew I’d terrified them. That was why I had pushed thoughts of the nightmare from my mind, and focused on reassuring them I was doing better. I had smiledin the right places and somehow managed to hide all of my inner turmoil, at least enough for them to leave me to shower and dress while they did the same.

By the time I’d gotten to the kitchen, Kane and Jordan had filled everyone in on the events of the night before, so I then had five panicked faces watching my every move with caution. Kane had almost cancelled the meeting he had scheduled at the office building in the city, with the heads of security at the other Lyle buildings across the country, but I had convinced him I was fine, and Adam and Jordan had promised they’d keep an eye on me. I might have been mad about them assuming I needed to be watched out for, but how could I after the night before?

Now Kane and Asher were at the Lyle building in the city, Eli had retreated to his studio on the top floor, and Jordan and Adam had been in the gym. That had been my chance for escape, but not for long apparently.

“He is. That’s the only reason he hasn’t charged right back here himself,” Adam said, pulling me back to the conversation.

“I’m fine. I just needed some air. I have all the gear on. See?” I opened my arms to show him I had on the new insulated puffer coat Eli had ordered for me, my boots, gloves, hat, and even a scarf. Underneath it were jeans and a sweater. I was appropriately dressed.

“I see, but it’s really fucking cold out here this morning. Let’s just head inside okay? That way neither of us gets hypothermia, and Kane doesn’t try to kick my ass,” he suggested with a chuckle.

“Try?”

“I can take him,” he shrugged with a wink. I knew he was trying to lighten the mood, but I just wasn’t feeling it. I could feel myskin crawling under my clothes, and the bitterly cold air around me outside was the only thing stopping me from running to my room, stripping off and diving into a scalding shower. I could hear Joseph’s voice in my head and feel his breath on my face. An image of the blood covered sheets surrounding me in that memory, flashed in my mind, and then the pain was back too, like a phantom feeling throughout my body. I gasped with a jolt, then looked up to Adam, praying he hadn’t noticed.

“Baby, what’s going on?” Of course he noticed. He dropped to his haunches before me and took my gloved hands in his. “Talk to me.”

I shook my head as tears filled my eyes. I slammed them closed, desperate not to fall apart again. I was so sick and tired of falling apart. I was trying hard to find a way to move forward, but it was impossible when the memories continued to return to me in bits and pieces. Every time I thought I’d gained some ground in my fight to be okay, another memory would hit me and knock me right back to the beginning again. Part of me wished everything would just come back at once. It would be horrific, but once I knew it all, maybe I could find a way to deal with it and get myself together.

“Come on. We’re going inside,” Adam said, and before I even opened my eyes to look at him, he had me in his arms, lifting me against his front and holding me under my butt. I wrapped my arms around his neck to try and help, knowing it was pointless to tell him to put me down. He was a stubborn man and when he got something in his head, he was doing it.

“You’ll end up with a bad back if you keep picking me up like that,” I told him with a sniffle.

“I think I’ll be okay,” he said sarcastically. “Plus, I like carrying you. You feel good in my arms.”

“I can’t argue with that, since I feel better when I’m in your arms too,” I sighed as I lay my head against his shoulder and wrapped my legs around his waist. He was warm beneath me and I tried to seek out the sound of his heart beat in an effort to block out everything else in my head.

When we got inside the toasty warmth of the house, Adam put me on my feet and helped me strip off my outer layer of clothing and my boots, then we snuggled up together on the sofa. The house around us was silent, which only added to the craziness in my head. There was nothing worse than silence for magnifying whatever was going round and around in my mind.

“Wh-what did Kane and Jordan tell you all this morning?” I asked as I turned from where I was laid against Adam, my back to his front and his huge, wide thighs surrounding me. I managed to twist my head enough to meet his eyes. I had wanted to ask that question at breakfast when I realized my brothers and Adam knew about the rough night I’d had, but I didn’t want to give more away than Kane may already have.

“Just that you had a really bad nightmare and scared them. They said you spaced out on them for a while. They only told us all because they were concerned about you. You know that, right?”

“Yeah,” I nodded, turning back to the lit fireplace, and cuddling back into him again. “I know that, and I understand. I scared myself too when I realized what had happened when I woke up this morning.”

“Do you know why it happened?” Adam asked gently, almost cautiously.

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