Page 7 of Lost in the Light

When I woke the next morning he’d been wide awake and looked like he hadn’t slept a wink, but he smiled and told me he was fine. I was worried about him as he left my room to shower and change, but there wasn’t anything I could do if he refused to speak to me.

Instead I had showered and dressed too, resolved to find Eli, and make sure he wasn’t worrying about me hating him, the way Asher had been the night before.

I was struggling to push back the memory of Joseph in that room with me, but the fact I had slept for a few hours was helping me keep a leash on the darkness, and I was determined to keep a damned tight grip on that leash for as long as I possibly could.

I kept my focus on soothing Eli, and left my room with that mission at the forefront of my thoughts. I tiptoed to his room next door and quietly opened the door. I was surprised to find him asleep in his bed. It was after nine and I had never seen him sleep in past seven. He was up every morning, swimming laps in the pool long before I even roused.

I worried about waking him, but I couldn’t bear to think of him feeling as worried about everything as Asher had the night before. I needed him to know I loved him and wasn’t going anywhere.

So I tiptoed into the room, leaving the door open so there would be enough light for me to see where I was going in the darkened space.

I rounded the large bed until I stood on the empty side which remained undisturbed as Eli curled up way on the other edge. A mischievous smile spread across my face as I leapt onto the bed.

“Eli! Wake up!” I laughed loudly as I landed on the soft mattress on my knees and then jumped up and down on them to shake the bed even more.

Eli gasped as he leapt awake and sat bolt upright. His eyes were wide as he turned and looked to me with so much confusion and panic.

“Fuck! Addy…wh…what?” he spluttered as he ran a hand over his face and looked at me again.

“It’s after nine. You slept in.” I told him with a smile as I moved to cross my legs so I could face him better.

“What? Are you okay?” he asked as he tried to work out what was going on. Who could blame him for being confused? Last time he’d seen me I’d been near catatonic. Now I was joking and smiling with him.Poor guy.

“I’m good. Are you? Did you sleep?” There was stubble on his jaw and dark smudges under his eyes.

“Some,” he nodded. “Are you sure you’re alright? I was so worried about you last night.”

“I’m having a good morning,” I shrugged with a half-smile. “I ate last night and got some more sleep. Maybe I’m not okay, but I’m going to hang onto this calm for as long as I can.”

“I’m so sor…”

“Nope.” I jumped up and pressed a finger to his lips, cutting him off. “Don’t, okay? No apologies. You are not your father, Eli. I told Asher, and I’ll tell you too – I know nothing he did was anything to do with either of you. He was a bastard, and I’m glad he’s dead,” I went on. “We need to try to forget him, and move on, okay?”

“Easier said than done,” he grumbled.

“I know, for me too, but he’s in the past now, and I want to focus on right now. I’m safe. I have amazing brothers, good friends, and a chance to build a whole new future. I survived, and I won’t lethimtake that, or anything else from me, especially not you or Asher. I love you, Eli. I could never have wished for more amazing brothers than the two of you. You’re both stuck with me now.”

“I love you too, shortcake,” he told me with a watery smile. “Even if you did nearly give me a heart attack,” he added with a laugh.

“It was fun. I’m totally doing that to Asher next!”

“You have to wake me so I can watch that,” he chuckled.

“Deal,” I agreed. “Now, get up and get ready. Asher said you guys are staying home today and I know what I want to do.”

“What’s that?”

“You’ll find out. Dress warm,” I replied, then I hurried from the room, closing the door behind me. I smiled to myself as I moved down the stairs, relieved that I’d had that talk with Eli. I neverwanted him hurting, especially because of me. I was just relieved he had been laughing and smiling when I left him. Now to worry more about Asher. He wasn’t as alright as he made out and I knew it. It was my turn to be there for him and I was determined I would be.

***

“You want to build a snowman?” Adam chuckled once I had dragged them all out to the snow covered yard after breakfast.

“Not just any snowman. A huge one. It needs to be taller than Ash,” I explained.

“It’s freezing, Addy. You should be inside,” Asher sighed.

“We’ll warm up once we get working,” I argued. “Please. I’ve never built one before. I never had time as a kid, and a grown woman can’t exactly go to the park to build one alone. It’ll be fun,” I pleaded. I just wanted us all to do something together. We needed to get out of our heads, especially Ash, Eli and I. The memory that I had recovered the previous day had the power to break us all and I didn’t want to allow that to happen.

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