Page 71 of Lost in the Light

“What are you going to call it?” Adam asked.

“No idea. What do you think, beautiful?” Jordan looked to me. I closed my eyes and thought about the things I had felt as a kid. Scared was a big one, not just because of my mom and her temper, or of the fight I had to pay rent, bills and for medications that never ended. I had been scared of the hopelessness that always seemed to lay out before me. I should have had dreams of my future, but instead there had only ever been more of the same. I’d been lost back then, just as I had felt in recent weeks. Lost, in the bottom of a deep dark pit, only back then I’d had no one to show me the way out. I knew not every kid who came to the center would be like me. Some would likely come from happy homes with great parents, and we would welcome them the same as any kid who passed through the doors. But for theones who were lost, or scared, and just needing something or someone to pull them through their own darkness, I hoped we could be what they needed.

I opened my eyes and looked around me again. These men – these five amazing men had been that for me. They had found me in the dark. Sometimes they’d had to drag me out, sometimes they’d just held my hand and helped me to save myself, but along the way, since the day I met them, they’d been there for me. My light in the darkness. My strength when I felt like I had nothing left. My hope. Now they were my future and I knew how lucky I was to have them.

“The Light,” I said as it came to me. “We should call itThe Light.”

“That’s perfect, Addy,” Jordan agreed.

I smiled and nodded. Everyone needed a little light in their darkest times. I had mine now, and I wanted to give it to others too.

***

Pain hits me even before I open my eyes. I can’t even think about what hurts the most because every inch of me is in agony, throbbing like one huge, raw, exposed nerve. I know I need to open my eyes and face whatever fresh hell I’m in now, but I just don’t want to. For over a year I have been existing this way – terrified to open my eyes, but too afraid to keep them closed for fear of the danger that I have to face next, being close enough to hurt me and catch me unawares.

I try to remember where I am and what I last recalled, then I heard it. His voice. It all came back to me then. The party Hilton brought me to. The other prisoners being dragged around likepets and possessions. Those sick monsters inspecting me like I was a car in a showroom. Then this man. His dark eyes on me, His cold tone of voice. The pain. The blood. The pleasure in his face as he forced himself on me and ripped me apart just like all the others had. No way I was opening my eyes again if I had to face this sadistic monster.

“Just get it done! I want to know how this happened! Someone is trying to fuck with me, and I am not going to let them away with it, Zara! Whoever they are, they think they bested me with this stunt, but they didn’t. I’m always in control! They forgot that, and I want to remind them, so get it done! Do what I fucking pay you for!”

I jolted awake with a gasp, sitting up and looking around me to confirm what I already knew. I was safe at home, and Kane was still laid beside me, snoring quietly.

The phantom pain still radiated through my body, and I was shaking a little from just the sound of Joseph’s voice, but it had been the name he’d said that had shocked me awake.Zara. Could she have been in on the whole thing? Could she have known what Joseph was up to, and even worked for him in that capacity? She was slightly unhinged and very bitchy, but I had never even considered she’d be involved in all of the evil Joseph was involved in.

I took a deep breath and looked to Kane. I didn’t want to wake him when he looked so settled and peaceful, but he, Adam, and Jordan had made me promise I would go to them any time I had a panic attack, nightmare, or even just felt worried. It had been working for me, going to them. It meant I rarely had to handle an episode alone when they came, and the episodes went easier for me when one of my guys, or my brothers were close. Plus, thememory had me worried for Asher, since Zara was so obsessed with him, and I needed to discuss it.

“Kane,” I said softly as I placed my shaky hand on his shoulder and leaned over to see his face. He lay on his side, facing away from me, and jolted awake the very second my skin touched his. “Sorry,” I quickly added, feeling bad by how suddenly he’d woken.

“What’s wrong?” he asked as he sat up and turned to face me. “Are you okay? You’re shaking?”

“Nightmare,” I whispered.

“Good girl for waking me,” he said gently as he wrapped an arm around me and pulled me into his chest. I lay my head against his skin and took in his soothing scent. I didn’t understand it, but a part deep inside of me came alive when one of my guys told me I was a ‘good girl.’ I knew that was probably strange and I wasn’t going to admit it openly, but I still reveled in the phrase every time I heard it. “You want to tell me about the nightmare?”

“It wasn’t as bad as the others, but I…I remembered something,” I said as I lifted my head and met his eyes. “I…I think Zara might have been involved in Joseph’s dealings.”

“Zara?” Kane repeated, and I nodded. “Okay, Angel. Tell me everything.”

“It was just a snippet of memory really,” I began. “I didn’t even open my eyes, but I was in that room w-with Joseph. It was after….after he hurt me. I must have blacked out, I guess. When I came to, I kept my eyes closed and I heard him on a call. He was talking to someone called Zara? It had to be her, right? How many Zara’s could he know?”

“I agree it was probably her, but it doesn’t necessarily mean she knew what he was doing. She was his personal assistant too. Maybe she just called him about something at the office?”

“Maybe, but Joseph was pissed. He said someone was trying to mess with him and he wanted to know who. Maybe it was just a normal work thing, but it didn’t feel that way,” I sighed, exhausted. I’d barely been asleep an hour I noted as I looked to my cell phone beside the bed. “I don’t know, but could you just look into her anyway, Kane? Please. She’s obsessed with Asher and I’m worried about him.”

“Ash will be well protected every time he leaves this house. I promise you I’m taking care of him, Addy. But I’ll look into Zara too. Let’s just keep this between us for now though, okay?” Kane requested and I nodded.

“Definitely. Things only just started to calm down. I don’t want to cause any more worry,” I agreed.

“Anything else happen in your nightmare?” Kane asked as he ran his hand over my head and down through my hair.

“No. I jolted awake when I heard Zara’s name.”

“Let’s lie back down then. You need to get some more sleep. It’s only just after one A.M.”

I happily gave in and snuggled into his side, wrapping my arm across his waist as we both lay back down and got settled under the comforter.

“Will you tell me what your tattoos mean?” I asked as I looked at the small bluebird tattooed over his left pec. It was bright blue and so detailed it almost looked like it was truly about to take flight.

“That one is for my mom. She died when I was overseas. My sister came home from college and found her dead on the kitchen floor. It was a heart attack.”

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