Page 71 of Forever Found

“Let’s get inside, okay? I’ll run you a hot bath and you can take a soak before you get some real sleep.” Adam was talking in the way you might to a frightened child, or a wounded animal. It made me want to reassure him he didn’t need to – to tell him I was alright – but that would all have been a huge lie.

“W-will you stay with me?” I asked with a croak to my voice. “And Jord too? Please…I d-don’t want to be alone.” I lifted my head enough to look into his deep, dark eyes as I fought not to sob.

“We’ll both be with you, baby girl. Whatever you need,” Adam agreed easily. The back door opened and Kane bent enough to meet my eyes as I turned to him.

“Kane,” I squeaked as I seemed to magnetically reach a shaky hand out for him. I knew I should be grateful to have Jordan and that Adam as back too. But Kane meant just as much to me, and I needed him too. If that made me selfish or greedy, I didn’t even care right then. My heart was in three pieces – one for each of these men, and I needed them like I needed air to breathe. Especially in the midst of the breakdown I found myself in.

“I’m here, angel,” Kane gasped as he dropped to his haunches and leaned into the car. “Tell me what you need and I’ll get it. Anything,” he almost pleaded.

“You,” I admitted. “All of you,” I added as I glanced up to Adam again. “It’s b-bad this time Kane. I…I don’t feel like I c-can find my way out this time,” I whimpered.

“Yes you can. Adam, Jordan, and I are not going to let you go, you hear me? That darkness is never going to take you from us.”

“Fuck no, it’s not,” Adam agreed.

“I’m s-so s-sorry Kane. I…I shouldn’t have run away. I should have…have spoken to you. I don’t want to lose you,” I whimpered, my words garbled between my sobs.

“Hey!” Kane snapped as he grabbed my chin and lifted my head until I was looking into those captivating eyes. “You have never and will never lose me. I was the asshole, and I will make it up to you, but right now all you need to know is that I’m here and I fucking love you, Addy. I love you so fucking much.”

“I love you.” I uttered as I smiled shakily.

“Let’s get her inside. Grab Jordan. We’re all going up to her room and staying with her,” Adam directed and Kane nodded. He leaned in and kissed the center of my forehead, before he stood and disappeared as fast as he’d arrived.

“I…I’ve made such a mess of everything,” I whispered, more to myself than anyone else. I had never felt like such a failure in my whole life as I did in that moment. I had Adam and Kane back. They loved me, just like Jordan did, and I loved all of them too, so very much. I loved my brothers too. They were all of the real family I had ever know and they meant more to me than I would ever be able to tell them.

But my head was a wreck and my body was giving up on me. It felt like it was too late for me. I’d been obliterated again and again – first by the men who took me, then the men who used me, bought me, and hurt me, then by the devastating repercussions that rattled through my head from it all, again and again, day and night, when I slept and while I was awake.

It never stopped and there was no end to it. My guys love, my brothers devotion, the hope, and happiness they had all given me in the last months – it should all be enough to get me through , but it was too late. I was sure of it. I wasn’t strong enough to hold on, and if I couldn’t hold on, how could any of them ever save me?

Adam was limping as he climbed from the car with me in his arms, but he barely showed it as he carried me right past that step that haunted my nightmares and inside our toasty warm home. I had been so happy there for a while, before Max took me and Eli. Before everything fell apart.

Images of Max from my nightmare flashed through my mind and I wrapped myself even tighter around Adam. The ghost like sensation of Max pushing his fingers violently inside of me haunted me in a way that felt so terrifyingly real.

“Addy? What happened, honey?” Adam asked as he readjusted me in his arms and allowed me to cling to him like a frightened kid.

“Tell us what you need, sweetheart, please,” Asher pleaded. “Do you want me to try and get Laura on a call? You could talk things through with her. Maybe she could help?”

“She’s exhausted, Ash. I don’t think anyone can get much out of her right now,” Jordan spoke up. “Let us take care of her for now. We can talk properly in the morning about what she needs.”

“He’s right, Ash,” Eli agreed. “She’s been more settled with Jordan and Adam. Let them be with her tonight.”

“Do you have your sleeping pills? I think she’d benefit from a peaceful, deep sleep tonight,” Kane spoke up next and I jolted a little at the idea of taking anything that would knock me out, terrified I’d be trapped in my nightmares and unable to wake myself up.

“It’s okay, baby. We’ll discuss it, but I think it might be a good idea for tonight. You’re so tired,” Adam told me.

“Yeah, I’ll get them, but she has to fully agree to taking them. I don’t want you forcing her. She doesn’t like drugs,” Asher almost growled, ever my faithful protector.

“Of course. We’d never force her to do anything. You know that, man,” Jordan told him firmly.

“I’ll make some food and bring it up with drinks and snacks. We all need to eat something other than junk,” Eli offered. I slammed my eyes closed and allowed myself to zone out to whatever else was said. They were right that I was exhausted, but it was so much more than that and I just couldn’t take anythingelse. I was just done. Done with the horror. Done with the cops and trying to make things right. Done with the not knowing and confusion. Done with absolutely everything. No more fighting. No more trying. All I wanted was the comfort of the men I loved around me as I finally let go of everything I had been fighting to hold on to and balance, for way too fucking long.

JORDAN

Addy had checked out on us all. It wasn’t the first time she had done it, but that didn’t make it any less terrifying. Ash and Eli had been freaking out when she wouldn’t respond to them when they tried to wish her a good night. I’d needed to persuade them we had her, as Adam carried her off upstairs away from all of the panic coming from her brothers. Kane was right behind them too, seeming terrified to be away from Addy for even a moment. I was too, but someone had to reassure her brothers. I knew Ash and Eli had seen her check out at the cabin once, but I doubted she’d been in the state she was right then.

It was hard not to freak out myself if I were honest. I knew she’d always come back to us when she’d zoned out before, but this time it felt different. She had been falling apart for hours and she was so filled with fear, terrified to let any of us go for even a second once she was clinging to us. I had no idea what her nightmare had been about as we set off on the drive home, but it had been bad – that much was obvious. Add that to the news she needed to testify in court against one of the monsters who tried to destroy her, and the new threat that had brought, and she was a mess. Who could blame her? With all of these threats against the woman I loved, I was a fucking mess too!

I just thanked anyone that was listening on high, for making Kane and Adam pull themselves together. I needed them as much as Addy did. If they weren’t there I’d have done everythingshe needed or asked for to take care of her, but I wasn’t enough. I didn’t understand what she was suffering enough, and I couldn’t give her the dominance she sometimes needed when things got this bad. That was what Kane and Adam brought, along with so much more, and Addy needed all of us. I wasn’t jealous. It had been nice to have her to myself for a while, sure, but I felt so much better about my ability to be there for Addy with Kane and Adam in it with me equally. I never wanted to fail her again, and together I felt sure we wouldn’t.

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