Page 96 of Forever Found

The noise and mess in my head seemed calmer that morning and I could actually get my thoughts in a straight line as I just laid squished between Adam and Jordan. But I wasn’t so sure that was such a good thing as I played back the last several days and the way I had broken to pieces. My reactions to that mini breakdown embarrassed me. I had no idea why the three men surrounding me had even stuck around when I’d been acting as erratic and unstably as I had. It had to have been a nightmare for them, and yet they’d been there the entire time. They let me hang from them when I needed to, and they’d comforted me again and again when I lost myself to the darkness inside of me. They’d given me strength when I knew I had none left myself and they had been firm and kept me from making any rash and crazy decisions when I’d just had enough. My brothers too had been amazing and I knew without any of them getting me through, I likely wouldn’t still be there in that moment.

I thought back to that recovered memory, when I had woken in that strange building, beaten and in pain, and all I had wanted was to find some way to make everything just stop. I knew I had been as low as I had in that moment after what happened at the cabin, and on that long drive back home. I remembered so clearly how desperate I had been for everything to just stop again, as I just crumbled with Adam, Jordan, and Kane in my room back at the house.

It had been a low point in my life, and it hadn’t been the first time I had been there either, but right then, laid in that giant bed with the guys I loved I was relieved I had been shown some sense by them, and that I still lived to fight another day.

That day may terrify me, the threat of what came next definitely giving me a sense of foreboding, but I needed to face it.

Jenny’s words were rattling around in my head and the one point that really stood out to me was the clear fact that if I gave up and stopped fighting, then they won. All of those monsters who hurt me, abused me, and passed me around like a possession no one much cared about – they won if I let them take what was left of me away. And that pissed me off.

“You’re awake,” Adam whispered, and my eyes shot up to his face. He had a soft smile as he watched me, his eyes still sleepy and half lidded.

“You should go back to sleep,” I told him. “You’ve barely slept.”

“Nor have you. You okay? Did you have another nightmare?”

“No. I just got really hot. You guys are like huge furnaces,” I laughed.

“I don’t think any of us could handle you being more than touching distance away after last night,” he sighed tiredly. Herolled back just enough to allow a gap to let some air between us, then ran a hand down his face.

“I’m still here, Adam,” I reminded him.

“Thank God for that,” he sighed as he cuddled up to me again and wrapped his arms right around me, squeezing me even tighter.

“C…can’t….br….breathe,” I teased as I looked to him with a playful grin. He smiled too, but eased up on his hold just a little.

“You have no idea what a relief it is to see you smile and joke around.”

“I’m feeling better this morning. Let’s just hope it lasts.”

“It will.” I turned to look at Jordan as he spoke, and he playfully kissed the end of my nose. He was still half asleep, but still he had his usual joyful smile in place.

“Thanks for the confidence,” I replied as I reached up and kissed the light stubble that had grown overnight, trailing kisses down his jaw.

“He’s right though, baby. You’re strong and resilient. You will get through all of this and have a ton more good days, until eventually, they’ll all be good,” Adam told me

“I hope you’re right,” I whispered as I turned back to him and kissed him on the lips. “It would be really nice to just have all this as background memories and nothing more.”

“Don’t you lot ever sleep?” Kane grumbled with annoyance. I laughed as I moved to drape myself over Jordan’s body so I could see Kane. He was still laid on his back, but he opened one eye and glared at me. “You should be asleep,” he told me, his voice deep and even sexier with sleep.

“I was overheating, and now I’m awake,” I shrugged.

“You’re smiling?” he questioned as he opened both eyes and looked to me with some confusion.

“I do that sometimes.”

“Not recently. Not your real, beautiful smile. I missed it,” he told me more gently. He reached out and placed his hand over the right side of my face, the gently stroked his thumb over my bottom lip. “Beautiful,” he whispered.

“We all missed it,” Jordan said. He had his hand on my back, steadying me where I lay over him.

“Well I feel good this morning, so you guys are off duty. Get some more sleep and I’ll go and find Ash and Eli,” I told them all easily.

“You’re not a damned duty, Addy. Don’t say that,” Adam sighed as he sat up and slid up the bed so his back rested against the headboard. They were all wearing t-shirts and sweats, which was a shame, but they still looked hot all around me.

“You know what I mean though. I haven’t exactly been easy to be with this week, or ever for that matter,” I mused.

“Nothing worth having ever is, princess, and you’re definitely worth having,” Jordan told me. I sat back, crossing my legs and settling between Adam and Jordan.

“We’re not exactly easy to be with either, angel,” Kane added as he too pushed up onto his elbow and looked over Jordan to me. “We can be assholes, as you well know, and we fuck up a lot.”

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