Page 31 of Serial Burn

“Leave?”

She waved a hand. “It’s not important.”

He scrubbed his chin, regret burning a path from his brain to his heart. “I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have said all that. I’ve always had a problem saying what I think. I’ve gotten better, but still...”

She kept her gaze locked on his. “And what about you? I feel like the pot is calling the kettle black, as my grandma used to say. So far, you’ve managed to avoid talking about yourself, and if you don’t want to, just say so and I won’t ask again.”

For a moment, he almost took advantage of her willingness to letit go, then sighed. “When I was eleven, my best friend at the time was Danny Pringle. He lived next door to me, so we were always at each other’s houses. We were inseparable, as were our parents. One summer evening, our parents went out to dinner like they did often. He came over and we were playing and got trapped in the old storage building in my parents’ backyard.”

“Oh no. How scary.”

“It was, but that’s not the worst of it. We were ... playing with fire. Literally. Anyway, the short version is, a fire broke out, he died, and I escaped.” He shook his head. “I’ve been terrified of fire ever since. It’s all I can do to visit the scene of a building that’s already burning. Does that make me weak?”

“Absolutely not.”

His heart hummed at the compassion lacing those two words. And her eyes ...

He had to stop thinking about her eyes. He blinked and looked away. “Well, some days it’s all I can think about. And wonder why I’m here and Danny’s not.”

Jesslyn made a choking sound and he looked up to see tears swimming in her eyes. “Oh, Nathan ... I ... I don’t even know what to say except that I understand,” she whispered.

He fought the emotion her response elicited and offered her a small smile. “Yeah. If anyone understands, it’s you.”

“Thank you for sharing with me.”

He’d shared, but not everything. He just couldn’t.

He cleared his throat. “Anyway, I was really depressed after that, as you can imagine. My parents didn’t know what to do with me. They sent me to counseling, but despite everyone’s support, I decided I hated God because if he was as loving and powerful as I’d been taught—and believed—then he could have saved Danny. But he didn’t, so I stopped believing in him.”

“Did you ever start believing in him again?”

“I did. Sometimes, when things go bad, I can fall into old patterns, revert to believing the old lies. Like if he really was a God of love,he’d prove it and fix this world. He’d keep children safe and take out the bad guys roaming this earth, but he doesn’t.”

“I know that feeling. I just have to keep telling myself that nothing’s going to be perfect until he comes back,” she said. “Until then...”

“I know. He’s a good God. I know that. He’s proven it. I just have to stand firm on that knowledge when everything else seems to say differently.”

“I sometimes feel guilty for being alive while the rest of my family is dead. Like if I’d been there, I could have miraculously saved them somehow.” She gave a low snort. “Stupid. Mentally, I know that it’s not possible, and in all likelihood I’d be dead too, but I can’t help thinking that. Sometimes.”

He reached out and gave her hand a quick squeeze. “Yeah.”

She breathed in, then coughed so hard he thought she might lose a lung. When she finally caught her breath, she shook her head. “You get out of here and go see what you can find on this arsonist. I’m going back to bed.” She took another sip of her coffee. “After I finish this.”

“I’m worried about you being here alone.”

“Yes, you’ve made that clear.” She smiled. “And I appreciate it. Truly. But I’ve got my alarm system and my Glock. I’ll be fine.”

“You’re also sick and not on your A game.”

“I’m aware, thanks.”

“Which is why I’ve called in reinforcements.”

She frowned. “Reinforcements?”

“Kenzie and Cole will be here shortly.”

“Nathan! They have jobs too. People who live alone get sick and don’t have babysitters.”

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