Page 82 of Serial Burn

“And they’re your friends too, you know.”

“Not really. Sure, y’all let me hang out occasionally, but I’m not a part of that group.”

Nathan couldn’t refute that, and all of a sudden he was sad about it. “Maybe we can do something about that, but first, what’s this all about? Why do you keep bringing up the past? Why can’t you just let it be and move on?” Taking the direct route seemed to be the quickest way to reach the end.

“Just rip the Band-Aid off, huh?” Eli said. “Speaking of Band-Aids, how’s your hip?”

“It hurts. Quit stalling. You got me here, now let’s talk.”

“Right. Okay. Then, here’s another Band-Aid rip. It was my fault,” Eli said, his voice so low, Nathan almost missed it.

“What was your fault?”

“Danny’s death.”

Nathan blinked, having trouble processing the words. When it finally registered what Eli was saying, he scoffed. “Really? How was it your fault? Because if I remember correctly, I was the one who wanted to make the s’mores. I was the one who suggested to Danny that we sneak out to the shed that had no ventilation with a lighter and some wood kindling. I even lit the wood. I did all that. So, tell me, Eli, why would you say that it was your fault?”

Eli met his gaze. “Because I was the one who blocked the door so you couldn’t get out.”

Nathan had never been stunned speechless before. Not in all his years in law enforcement or any other time that he could think of, but today, he found himself in that moment.

Eli shuddered. Two tears tracked his cheeks and he looked away.Nathan continued to stare at him. After several more seconds, Eli palmed his eyes. “Say something.”

“What in the world should I say?”

“Ask me why?”

“I know why. You were put in charge of a younger brother and his friend and you resented it. So you thought you’d be cute and lock us in.”

Eli swallowed and nodded. “Yeah,” he whispered. “I guess you do know.”

“You always hated having the responsibility of Carly and me.”

Eli nodded again. “Especially when there was a party up the street I wanted to go to. I saw you sneak into the shed after I told y’all to play video games upstairs. I figured I’d teach you a lesson.”

Nathan flinched, then let the anger rise. “How’d that work out for you?”

Eli gasped and a sob escaped as he dropped his head into his hands. Conviction pierced Nathan right through the heart, but he couldn’t seem to bring himself to apologize. Or block his own tears.

He stood and paced to the railing to look out over the backyard. His mother had been working. Her flowers were still blooming despite the cold weather. And why did he even notice that?

“I’m sorry,” Eli whispered, breath shuddering. “I’m so sorry. I don’t even think words exist to express how sorry I am.”

It had been eighteen years since that horrible night. Eighteen years of self-blame, guilt, shame, and nightmares.

“I didn’t know what you were going to do,” Eli said. “I didn’t know you planned to build afire. I just thought y’all were being little brats and deliberately doing the exact opposite of what I told you to do. If I had known, I’d have never—”

Nathan turned to face him. “Why are you telling me this now?”

“Because I’m selfish.” Eli laughed. A sound without an ounce of humor in it. “I think about it every day. Lately, it’s worse. I can’t sleep. I can’t focus at work. I can’t ... live. I was ... uh ... hoping you’d go with me to counseling so I could drop this bomb with aprofessional there to help walk us through it, but...” He ran a hand over his hair, then dropped it to fiddle with the cuff of his sleeve. “It became obvious that you weren’t going to go along with that, so this is it.” He swallowed and let out a shuddering sigh while Nathan simply stared. “I have no life because of the guilt,” Eli said. “And I don’t know how to make it right, get my life back, except to tell what really happened and face the consequences.”

“You can’t make it right. The consequences are Danny’s dead and he’s never coming back.”

“Don’t you think I know that?” Eli’s shout was carried away by the wind, but it echoed in Nathan’s head. And heart. His brother had been suffering too.

But Nathan was struggling. Making himself feel something besides disbelief and ... hate? resentment? yes, all of those ... was difficult. Eli had been a selfish teenager, argumentative, disruptive, wanting only to do what Eli wanted to do and no one and nothing else mattered.

But ... deep down, even as angry and shocked as he was at this confession, Nathan believed Eli never considered that his actions would result in the death of Danny. He’d wanted to scare the boys, maybe even terrify them.

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