Page 13 of Born Chaos

I’m not hungry. I’m not hungry at all. But I still shovel bite after bite into my mouth.

Roman finishes his breakfast, and without a word, he starts cleaning everything up. But I’m barely aware of him. There are words ringing through my brain, deafening and resounding.

Words have a way of sticking in our brains, even when images fail us, when the feel of something slips away, when the other senses sometimes trick us, sometimes it’s the words we hear that embed themselves into our very souls.

Archer’s words.

Sebastian’s words.

Roman’s words.

Words hurt.

Words bend.

Words condemn.

Words twist.

“I have some things I have to take care of on the South side,” Roman says when he’s finished cleaning. “I’ll be back around nine. You’re welcome to stay as long as you need.”

And finally, for the first time, he looks at me. Those vivid, blue eyes can nearly speak their own language.

As long as you need.

I see in his eyes that he means the words. He says them with more honesty than maybe any other words I’ve ever heard him speak.

“Thank you, Roman,” I say, my words coming out thick and hoarse. “I mean it. I know you didn’t give me permission to stay here last night, but…” My eyes drop from his, down into my lap. “But I appreciate you letting me stay.”

He just gives a noise of acknowledgement.

“I have to work tonight,” I say, my stomach sinking at the realization. “So I’ll be gone before you get back. I’ll make sure I clean up after myself.”

He’s quiet for a moment, and when I look over at him, he’s staring at me. I can practically see the gears turning in his head as he mulls this over. I can tell he wants to ask if I think that’s a good idea. But he doesn’t say anything. He just nods.

“The door code is 0166 if you need somewhere to go,” he says as he grabs his coat from the rack by the door. And then he leaves.

I take a deep, slow breath as I stare back down at my plate.

What are you going to do now, Juliet?I internally ask myself.Your life just turned into a damn mess.

CHAPTERFIVE

I shower,even though I don’t have any new, clean clothes to change into. I raid Roman’s fridge at lunch. I listen to the sounds of people coming and going throughout the day. And I get on Roman’s computer that I find in the living room.

I start looking at apartments for sale. Penthouses. Even townhomes in Old Town. I even find a charming house on the West side.

What am I doing? Honestly, I have no idea. I have no plan right now. I don’t know what my next course of action is.

I just know I’m getting tired of feeling like I literally have nothing of my own. My apartment is from Sebastian. My job is from Sebastian. My clothes are from Elena. Even my presence in this city is because of Mason.

If I were to start over and claim my life as my own, where would I go?

But just the thought of leaving the city makes my stomach cramp. I’ve finally found connections here, something I’ve never had before in my life. And I don’t want to run like a coward. I love my job, even if I got it because of him.

I snap the laptop closed and look over at the clock. It’s time to leave.

It’s snowing when I step outside, and the wind is blowing hard. There’s literally no one else out on these sidewalks. But it feels… good. Punishing. Brutal.

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