Page 17 of Born Chaos

“The high levels of carbon dioxide would explain the seizure,” I note, scanning through the test results again. “Which would be triggered by the cough he was experiencing when he came in. But again, vampires don’t get sick.” I look up at Sebastian. “I don’t know what the hell would trigger this, unless it was the work of a gifted.”

“Which makes it a lot harder to treat,” Sebastian says with a huff. “Thanks, Benjamin. Let me know if anything else comes up.”

“Time to deliver the bad news,” I sigh as we walk back down to the emergency room.

The wife is still nearly inconsolable. She does not like the news that we have no explanation why this is happening. We reassure her with the fact that we’re still going to run more tests. The radiologist will be in in a few hours and can perform them. The day shift doctors are just as qualified as we are, and we will thoroughly brief them on what’s happening.

It’s been a long, weird twenty-four hours, so when the end of my shift finally comes, I’m ready for it. Except now I can’t avoid the inevitable anymore.

Sebastian and I both change in the locker room, neither of us saying anything. This isn’t the place for the big discussion that needs to happen. And neither of us says a word as we walk outside.

The air is still bitterly cold, but it’s blindingly bright. It feels like the first truly sunny day we’ve had in forever. So bright that my specially made sunglasses aren’t doing enough. My head hurts more and more as we walk the few blocks to my building.

Awkwardly, silently, we ride the elevator to the eighteenth floor. I fish into my pocket for my keys, and if I were human, my hands would definitely be shaking as I unlock the door.

The space feels strange as I enter it. I’ve always loved this apartment, the whole nearly six months I’ve lived here.

But it feels different now.

It kind of feels like a prison.

I set my bag down on the island and wander into the middle of the living room with a deep exhale. My fingers lace back into my hair, and I squeeze my eyes closed for a moment.

“I was tracking your phone,” Sebastian says. And there’s so much hurt and self-resentment in his voice. I stand there, frozen, rooted, completely unable to move. “After the night you and Roman killed Archer…” I hear him shake his head. “I really thought you were with Warren that night. I thought you were safe. So, when the Night Council took out his cult… I wasn’t worried about you. And then to realize you were with Roman, taking out the man that had killed so many of our own…”

Sebastian stays where he is. He doesn’t step toward me. He doesn’t try to touch me.

“I know it wasn’t right,” he says. “I know it was an invasion of your privacy. And the flight information was worse.” He pauses for a good sixty seconds, which gives time for every emotion of that awful night to wash over me. The anger. The resentment. The betrayal.

“I am just so damn scared to lose you, Juliet.” His voice breaks. There’s so much pain in it. There’s so much fear there. It cracks a little bit of the ice I’ve formed around my heart in the past twenty-four hours. “I knew you were a free spirit. That you did whatever the hell you wanted. And I love that about you. I love it so damn much. But I’m scared it’s going to break me, and make you hate me.”

It’s that word that brings the tears to my eyes. It’s that word that sets my lower lip in a quiver.

“I lost my mind last night,” he admits. “I got so damn scared, and I couldn’t think of a reason why you would go to the club when I know you hate Roman. So, I got paranoid. And when I walked in and saw your mouth on another man…”

I squeeze my eyes closed, forcing two tears down my cheeks.

I hadn’t thought of what it must have looked like from Sebastian’s point of view. There is something intimate about drinking from someone. Hell, it was certainly a part of me and Mason’s relationship. I can’t drink from Sebastian. His blood is not the kind of blood I need. But he did see me with my fangs sunk into another man’s neck, my lips against his skin, cradling him like a lover, totally drunk on the ecstasy of his blood.

“I am so sorry, Juliet,” Sebastian says, his words nothing more than a broken whisper.

I’m shaking. From the inside out, I feel like I’m going to shake apart.

I can’t stand his pain. I can’t stand the pain in my own chest.

We’ve both hurt so much throughout our lives. It’s one of the things that’s brought us together.

But we’ve never hurt each other before. Until now.

Slowly, I turn around. Slowly, my eyes rise from the floor, up the length of my fiancé. And finally, my eyes meet his.

They’re red and welled heavy. His expression is broken. He looks devastated.

How many times have I gone too far because of what I’m feeling? Hell, it’s half of my personality.

“You went too far,” I say my thoughts out loud. “You lashed out. You scared the shit out of me. You made me doubt and question.”

Sebastian squeezes his eyes closed, forcing the tears down his cheeks. It’s shattering me, breaking me, seeing him like this.

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