Page 76 of Born Free

There are two coffins. Two people died in this club today. And I am supposed to be dead too and cannot be seen walking around the streets, very much alive.

I swallow once, but nothing goes down, and I nod my head. Jon extends a hand, helping me up while Jay holds the lid open. Roman watches my face as he climbs inside. Goosebumps flash across my skin as I climb up, and then slip into the tight space, tucking myself against Roman.

“You’ll be out of there soon,” Jon comforts, just as his face disappears and I’m enclosed in darkness.

My fingers curl into Roman’s shirt, one finger slipping into the hole the stake made in it.

I squeeze my eyes closed.

I lost both of them today. I should have walked out of here alone. Roman shouldn’t have come back to life. There was no guarantee.

“I can’t believe we’re here,” I say, my voice ragged.

Roman presses his lips to my forehead as we start moving. “We’re together. Nothing else matters.”

I pull him tighter to me, focusing on the fact that he’s real. I hear him breathing. I can feel his heart pounding in his chest. He’s alive.

I’m alive.

“I love you,” I breathe out, my voice quivering. “And you can’t ever die again. Ever. I don’t think there are any alternatives left, okay? I’ll never forgive you if you die on me again.”

He might laugh at me for being so ridiculous, but he doesn’t. He just presses his lips to my forehead again, lingering there. “I’ll do my damn best.”

I squeeze my eyes closed and focus on emptying out my brain. I just have to make it through to the next event. The next thing. The next place.

Don’t think. Don’t feel.

Don’t think.

Don’t feel.

The coffin rolls forward, and we jostle just a little when we cross the threshold of the club. The street noise filters through when we get outside. Just a few seconds later, our coffin is loaded into a vehicle, and then we drive for ten minutes.

Don’t think.

Don’t feel.

The vehicle stops, and around the edges of the lid, I see just a little bit of light as we’re wheeled out onto the sidewalk. It bumps and groans as we wheel over slightly uneven pavement. Then doors open, and the air pressure changes. Doors close, and finally, the lid to the coffin opens, and Jon extends a hand to me.

We’re in the chapel of the church, which is actually a command center. But it’s not busy with team members. Jay and Jon are only accompanied by Elena and Mason.

“What… what happened?” Elena asks, her voice hoarse. Her eyes immediately fix on Roman’s changed hair first, before noting that mine matches. Her gaze then falls to the coffin next to the one I just crawled out of as Roman climbs out of the one we shared.

I squeeze my eyes closed and take a shallow breath.

“Elena, don’t,” Mason says, always too kind and too aware of the needs of others. “I think some of it is obvious.”

My entire body is trembling. It’s been too much. Too harsh. Too brutal. Too abrupt.

I take in one more breath, and without a word to anyone, I walk to the exit of the chapel and into the hall, leaving Roman to give the explanations. I turn down the hall and pass doors until I get to the one that opens to Roman’s personal room.

I turn the hot water on in the shower and peel my clothes off. They’re stained with my blood, but there’s just as much of Sebastian’s and Roman’s as well. I can’t stop it when my eyes well once more. My hands feel clumsy and numb as I try to toss my clothes into the garbage. I can barely get a grip on the handle as I pull the glass door open and step inside.

Wash your white hair, I instruct myself simply.Scrub your scarred body. Wash your hair. Scrub your body.

I do the movements. I accomplish the tasks. But with every second that passes, my throat gets tighter and tighter. I feel lightheaded. And it’s no longer the shower alone that sends moisture cascading down my face.

A sob shakes my shoulders, and I brace my hands on the shower wall to keep myself from crumpling to the floor.

---