Page 38 of Kodiak

“While I wasn’t outside then, based on the fact both were on their asses on the ground? I don’t think their attention was asked for at all,” she says.

“Only one was on the ground,” I giggle, recalling the shocked look on the female’s face as her ass hit the dirt. “And if it wasn’t such an emotional confrontation, and I wasn’t wrecked by what I witnessed, I’d have probably laughed in her face.”

“What was up with their display, anyway? Do you think they saw you lurking in the shadows and decided to give you a show?Remind you that they’re always around when you aren’t?” Demi questions.

“It’s something to ponder, I suppose, but the fact still remains that he let that bitch plop onto his lap and let both of them put their tongues on him. There’s no excuse on the planet he can come up with that’d excuse that behavior.”

“There is one,” she softly says. “Luna, you’ve said as much to me, but the two of you aren’t really an actual couple. Sure, you fucked, and you text back and forth all the time, but for all intents and purposes, you’re both still single as the day is long.”

“Whose side are you on anyway,” I huff out. “Stop being logical because even though your words have merit, it still hurts.” I rub my chest over the place my heart rests, trying to ease the ache. “We may not have verbally committed to one another, but my heart didn’t get the memo that he wasn’t technically mine.”

I mean, she’s not wrong, but in my heart of hearts, I had hoped that we would eventually become a couple. I know he’s leery because of his lifestyle and how different it is from my own, but I’ve always been of the belief that if a couple is together, they can overcome any obstacle. Only now, I’m not sure if I want to given how he was on Saturday. Damn, if this wishy washy brain is any indication of how my pregnancy is going to go, I can see I’m going to be checking myself into the nuthouse before I deliver because I’m driving myself batshit crazy.

“When you see him tomorrow, keep in mind that he’s probably just as confused as you are about where you stand. The way he looked at you says to me that he already considered you his and you gave him puppy dog looks as well. If y’all can get past this, and talk it out, you still may have a chance at that future you’ve always wanted for yourself, Luna.”

“I’m not so sure about that, Demi. I don’t know if I can handle those women pawing at him. And the fact that they live on the property doesn’t make it any easier to get past. They’re always going to be there. A temptation.”

“Listen. I know you’ve been cheated on and the fact that those women will be there isn’t going to be something you can easily overcome, but you can’t build a life with him if you don’t find a way around that and learn to trust him. He’s not the men from your past, Luna. He strikes me as the type of man that once he’s in, he’s in for life. Temptation doesn’t mean he’s going to let them drop to their knees and swallow him down their throats. From what I saw, he’s in control of his dick, not the other way around.”

“What if I can’t get past it, Demi? What if my insecurities always rule my life?”

“Do you want an honest answer here, Luna, or do you want me to placate you?”

“I want honesty from you, Demi. Always.”

She’s definitely not Willy Wonka and won’t sugarcoat shit, not even for me. It might hurt hearing what she has to say, but it’s far better to hurt in advance than be blindsided, as far as I’m concerned.

“If you can’t let it go, then you’re always going to be alone. Because Marcum isn’t the only man out there that has women willing to drop their drawers and spread their legs. Any man you get into a relationship with can be put in that situation. It’s up to them to decline the offer.”

“And it’s up to me to decide if I’m going to trust them if they’re put there or not,” I whisper beneath my breath. “Shit, Demi. I’m a mess.”

Despite all my hesitation, I know Marcum is an honorable man. I can’t see him cheating on the woman he’s involved with, but old hurts are hard to overcome.

“But you’re a beautiful disaster, Luna. Remember that because any man that catches your eye is the luckiest bastard alive.”

The next morning I’m a ball of nerves. My hands shake as I pull my hair up into a high ponytail. I don’t attempt to put on any makeup outside of mascara and lipgloss. The last time Marcum and I were together, turned out to be a disaster.

Maybe we were meant to find each other so that our little peanut would exist and we weren’t destined for anything else—relationship wise.

Shaking off those dreary thoughts, I nod at my reflection in the mirror, grab my purse, keys, and phone and head out. Demi had a few errands to run today so she got an early start so I don’t have anyone here to give me any pep talks.

“You can do this, Luna. As long as he wants to be in y’all’s kid’s life, that’s the only thing that matters.”

CHAPTER TWENTY-THREE

KODIAK

I’mearly to the appointment, hoping that she’ll be running ahead of time and we’ll get a chance to clear some of the air between us. I want us to go into this with a positive outlook instead of tension and anger.

I’ve stewed over some of the bullshit that came out of my mouth and if I could kick my own ass for some of the shit I said, I would. It’s bad enough some of my men are firmly in the Team Luna camp at this point while my own brother, the one who I’ve been side-by-side with our entire lives, isstillraging at me over what happened at the party on Saturday.

Fuckers. All of them. What’s happening is between me and Luna, no one else. Then the mantle of responsibility that I carry as the president of a club that’s straddled the line of the law comes crashing back down and I realize it does concern more than just the two of us.

As I sit on the saddle of my bike, angling myself to where I can see the entirety of the parking lot, my heart drums in excitementwhen I watch her car pull in and park. I grin as I watch her school her features and turn off her engine. Seems I’m not the only one hoping we’d see each other before she was due to head inside.

Dismounting my bike, I march over to the driver’s side and pull on the lever that’ll open the door and allow me to breathe in Luna’s perfume. There’s something about her scent that settles my senses.

“Luna,” I say in greeting as I hold my hand out to help her out.

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