Page 35 of Gray Area

“Yeah, you guys run the bars and the numbers, and you maintain the properties and make sure things are done. But I never did get rid of the gambling rooms, and I don’t exactly have a license for those. And when shit gets tight you guys can throw down, and I love that you can protect yourselves, but you shouldn’t have to. You should be sitting pretty, leading from above, not getting your knuckles scraped.”

“I’d rather drink battery acid than sit behind a desk all day and boss people around,” I tell him.

“It’s the respect, Declan,” he says. “You shouldn’t have to put in your time to show people you deserve respect. I wanted to build that for you guys.”

“You have, Dad,” I tell him, but he shakes his head. “Dad, we are proud to be your sons. If we weren’t, we’d have left you on the floor tonight, not be giving you a spa day on the couch.”

It cracks some of the tension and earns me a bark of a laugh from my father. “I guess,” he says.

“Seriously though, can we go get your head checked out? You are on aspirin and isn’t that a blood thinner or some shit?”

“I’ve been off it for a couple of months,” he informs me. “I’m okay, Dec. I just need to hang out.”

I feel like I won most of the battle getting him to open up to me, so I let it slide. “Okay, the guys and I will take care of Roman,” I tell him as I stand and slap his shoulder. “Take the night off.”

He nods and puts the ice pack back on his head. “Tell Roman no ice cream like he served himself the other night. It’s a school night.”

I had almost forgotten about the phone call and open my mouth to bring it back up, but I drop it. He’s been throughenough, and his comment about the stress bothering him makes me not want to put any more on his plate. At least for tonight. “You got it, Dad,” I say instead and go in search of my brothers.

Chapter 18

VIVIAN

Tuesday night’s class comes quickly, and I find I’m not looking forward to it like I had been last week. I get off the bus and am begrudgingly making my way up the walk to the building when I find Declan waiting there.

“Hello, Vivian,” he says in his deep voice, and I feel warmth in my belly at the sound. His voice is something my body really likes and something my mind tries to tell me to ignore and not be stupid. My mind is losing.

“Hi,” I say softly as we walk beside each other, Declan reaching out and opening the door for me. We’re silent the rest of the walk in, and as we move our chairs into the circle, Declan seats himself next to me.

He had emailed me and apologized for running off from our coffee shop meet-up the other night. It was actually a really long,nicely worded email explaining how his father had fallen and his younger brother needed his help. He said he would have called but he didn’t have my phone number. He also told me not to do any work on the project until we divided it up.

I may have become giddy after reading it.

I am becoming infatuated with Declan. I mean, he is definitely attractive—that part I gleaned within seconds of catching him staring at me. But he is also intelligent and easy to have a conversation with, at least about the topics within class. And he’d tried to engage when we were getting hot chocolate on Sunday about other topics, but of course they were my off-limit topics.

He is kind too, something that is totally unexpected based on the vibe he tries to give off. I am still surprised by the way he took care of me when I was sick. What I know about Declan seems pretty great.

It is what I don’t know that scares me.

There is always more to people than what they show in the surface interactions you have with them. And I am leery to take what I am getting in my interactions with Declan as all that he is. There is usually something more, and I am afraid to find it and have it ruin everything.

The class goes by quickly, and once it ends I gather my things. Declan is true to his word and doesn’t stare at me throughout class anymore . You’d think it would help me focus in class better, but stupidly it makes me now wonder why he stared at me in the first place.

Being a woman is a giant pain in the ass.

I put my heavy coat on and find Declan looking at me. I gave him a quick smile. “Well, goodbye,” I say as I reach for my backpack.

But Declan grabs it first. “Another hot chocolate?” he asks, holding my bag hostage.

I just stare at him, and he stares back at me. I emailed him back after his apology email and gave a structure of what we could each do for the project. He’d written back and tweaked a couple of things, actually dividing the work up more equally. I feel like I should say no to the invitation on principle for him just leaving me and not saying anything. But he apologized, right? And he really hadn’t owed me any explanation. We are only classmates; it’s not like we are more than that.

And, though I hate to admit it even to myself, the truth is I want to be with him. I like being around him. There is a peace, a calmness that he brings to me. So instead of refusing like my brain says I should, I say, “Sure.”

My heart actually wants me to say, “Oh my God, yes!” So I am proud of myself for keeping my emotions in check, but then Lord knows I have had years of practice. Something about Declan, though, makes me want to bare my soul and show him everything. But I know better. I know I have to figure out his angle— his intentions—and the real him before I do any of those things.

Immediately following my agreement, Declan crosses to the door, my backpack on his shoulder. And I follow, like a lovesick puppy. I appease my brain, telling it that I just really want hot chocolate.

She doesn’t believe me.

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