Page 100 of Savage Vows

“You have every right to your emotions.”

And I’m full of them right at this moment. “Probably more hurt and confused than anything. It wasn’t supposed to be like this. I thought maybe if I tried hard enough, he’d see me. Value me. But all I’ve done is lose myself. I can’t paint anymore. I pick up a brush, and nothing comes. He’s taken everything, even that.”

Bella’s expression turns fierce. “He hasn’t taken anything, Alessia. You’re still you. You’re just…” She wrinkles her nose before pointing her finger in the air as if she’s had a revelation. “Stuck.”

“Stuck,” I echo, the word feeling both right and wrong. “And smothered. It’s like I’m buried alive in his world. He’s in that damn bunker all the time, plotting, scheming, while I?—”

“While you what?” Bella prompts gently.

“While I shrink,” I admit, my voice cracking. “While I disappear.” I can’t believe I’m about to tell her this… “We’re not even having sex. Not since the day we got married.” I feel used, discarded. He got what he wanted, a ring on my finger, and maybe much more. It wasn’t until after we consummated our vows that I realized he didn’t use protection when we had sex.

Bella leans forward, resting her elbows on her knees. “Do you love him?”

The question feels like a punch to the gut. I open my mouth to deny it, but the words catch in my throat.

“I don’t know,” I whisper, but we both know that’s a lie.

She doesn’t let me off the hook. “Because if you didn’t, it wouldn’t hurt this much.”

Her words slice through me, sharp and undeniable. Tears prick my eyes, and I quickly blink them away.

“Maybe I do,” I admit, the confession tumbling out before I can stop it. “Maybe that’s why it feels like I’m suffocating. Because I want him to see me. To care.” This morning, when he left, he hadn’t given me a kiss, hadn’t said a word about where he was going or when he might be back. I had to find out from Bella that there was some sort of ascension ceremony in the Hill Country.

And I have no idea how it turned out. Was he affirmed as the Don? Or had there been a successful power play?

And the fact it’s impacting my life like this is part of the reason I never wanted to be involved with a complicated man.

Bella picks up a dark chocolate truffle from the table, then rolls it between her fingers before popping it into her mouth.

“I’m thinking about going back to England.”

She blinks. “Are you really?”

I need an escape from the life I’m living. “I’m not sure what else to do. If I stay, I’m afraid there’ll be nothing left of me.”

Bella nods slowly, her gaze thoughtful. “And if you leave?”

The question lingers in the air, heavy with implication.

“I don’t know,” I admit. “Maybe I’d find myself again. Maybe I’d finally be able to breathe.”

Bella tilts her head, studying me. “But you’d also be running from the one thing you clearly want.”

I scowl at her, but she doesn’t back down.

“You want him to fight for you,” she says, her voice steady. “You want him to see you, Alessia. Really see you.”

My chest tightens, and I clutch the champagne flute like it’s a lifeline. “And what if he doesn’t?”

“Then at least you’ll know. But maybe the fight isn’t about running or staying. Maybe it’s about making him realize what he’s about to lose.”

Her words bouncing around in my mind, I glance at the macarons, and this time I give into temptation and pick up a lavender one.

“You probably don’t know this, but Nico and I very nearly ended up divorced. He served me the papers. It turned out, he figured out what I meant to him. Stand your ground, like you did tonight.”

I’m not sure if it had been bravery or stupidity.

“You’re stronger than you think, Alessia. If you decide to leave, I’ll get you to the airport. But if you decide to stay, I’ll be there for that too. Either way, you’re not alone.”

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