Page 68 of The Dragon Queen

"Whenwesurvive,"Rafesays, "I'llfindyouagreatone."

"Readytogo,beloved?"Malikasks,ignoringbothofthem.

Icastaglanceatthetablelitteredwithscrollsandbooksandmaps.Ihaven'tgonethroughafractionofwhatIimaginedImight,butevenIhavetoadmitthatit'sridiculoustokeepporingoverancientdocuments.

We'vetrainedtowithinaninchofourlives.We'velearnedallthereistolearn.

WhatIneednowisagoodnight'ssleep,soIcanbringmyfullselftothefighttomorrow.Ineedtimetoconnectwithmymates.

AndIreally,reallyneedtoshakeofftheuneasinessthat'sbeenleftcrawlingaroundundermyskinfromthewhole 'maybewe'llalldie'discussion.

Nodding,Ipushbackmychair.Stormgivesmyhandasofttug,helpingmetomyfeet,andthenJianyucurlshisarmaroundmywaist.

"Havefun,"Amysays,halfgenuineandhalfteasing.

Ignoringtheteasingpart,Iwaveahandandassureher, "Iwill."

Surroundedbymymates,foramoment,it'seasyenoughtofocusonthefunpartofmyplansfortheevening.We'vespentplentyofalonetimeoverthecourseofthepastfewdays.I'vehadaboutthirteenthousandorgasms,thankstotheirhandsandcocksandtongues,buttheinsatiabledemandsofourbondneverrelent.DespitethefactthatIhadthemallthismorning,theirscentsreachrightintotheverycenterofmybody,stirringupabloomofwantingsointenseitweakensmyknees.

Butevenasthey'releadingmedownthehallstowardourquarters--evenasI'mimaginingaveritableKamaSutraofwaysIcouldridethemorbegthemtobendmeovereveryavailablesurfaceintheroom...

Amy'sotherpointkeepsfloatingbacktome.

Theoneabouthowweallmightdie.

Theheatinmybonesdimsbyafraction,cracklingicethreateningtosettleintotheemptyspacesleftbehind.

It'snotthatIdidn'trealizetherisksofourplan.We'veknownfromtheveryfirstmomentwemadeenemiesoftheShadowKingthatconfrontinghimwouldbedangerous.Decidingtosneakintotheheartofhisterritory?Whilehe'sinthemiddleofsomeinsaneritualtostealthemagicfromallofdragonkind?Duringhissick,twistedideaofawedding?

Yeah.Rookwasn'twrongwhenhelosthisshit.Thisisborderlinesuicidal.

Andifwedoalldie?

It'llallbemyfault.

Theburgeoningdesirewithinmefizzles.Concernradiatesthroughmymate-bondsastheyallpickuponmyabruptchangeinmood.Jianyustartswalkingfaster,andtherestofthemfollowsuit.

Myvisionblurs,andstaticfillsmyears.

WhatthehellamIdoing?

Thisisashittytimeforallofmyfearsanddoubtsandingrainedinsecuritiestoganguponmeatonce,butitwasboundtohappeneventually,right?

Andnowthatthefloodgates,haveopened,Ican'tseemtogetthemclosed.

Everythingisablur,myself-assurancecrumblingwitheverystepItake.Mymatesarebustlingmealong,Jianyu'sarmwarmandsolidwhereitwrapsaroundme.MalikradiatescalmwhileRafestridesahead.Stormtakesuptherear,hisconsciousnessonhighalert,likehe'sexpectingmetofalteratanymoment,andhe'sreadytopickmeup,andI'msograteful.So,sograteful...

Butsomehow,myguiltisonlyredoubling.I'mriskingmylife,andthelivesofeveryonefromUnity.Thelivesofallofthefriendsandallieswho'vevolunteeredtoleadthedirectassault--tobuyustimewhilewetrytofindtheweaponweneed.

AndI'mriskingmybeloved,perfect,incrediblemates.Thesestrongmenwho'vebeenbymysideateverymoment,neverfalteringintheirsupport.

Myhanddropstomyabdomen,andmyspiritcrashesintothefloor.

I'mriskingthelifeofourchild.

Forwhat?Somedelusionalscrapofhope?Aprophecyandamythandapictureinastorybook?

MynerveshitacrescendoasRafepushesopenthedoortooursuite.I'mbustledthroughit,butashivering,shakingtremorhastakenholdofme.

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