Page 88 of The Dragon Queen

ButI'mhere.Fromdayone,I'veofferedEmbertheheatofathousandsuns,andthat'salwaysbeenwhatshe'sneededfromme.

Untilnow.Fanningtheflamesdidnothingbutgivetherestofhermatessingedeyebrows.

Hilarious,butnothelpful.

Behindme,barelyaudibleovertheroaroftheflames,Jianyuclearshisthroat,andfuckhim.Seriously.

ButIcan'tpushhisjudgmentoutofmymind.Theseguys...Ember...They'reallcountingonme.

Acrushingweightlandsonmychest.

Myentirelife,I'vebeentheweaklink.We'vecomesofar--riskedsomuch.Wefoundthislegendary,mythicalcrown;ifwefailnowbecauseofme...

"Rafe,"Embermurmursagain,softandreassuring,andIdon'tdeservethat.Sheshouldbescreamingatme.Beratingme,tellingmeexactlyhowfuckinguselessIam.

Butshewon't.Shewouldnever.

Shelovesme.WithexactlythefirethatIloveher.

Iforcemyselftotakeabreath.Lookingdownather,Ijustaboutfallintohereyes.There'snoexpectationthere.Maybealittledesperation,sure,butshehasallofthisfaithinme,andIwantsofuckingbadlytobeworthyofit.

Iwanttodomorethanburnforher.

Iwanttobebetterforher.More.

Frombehindme,Jianyutouchesmyshoulder.Ibristle,buthishandissoft,andyeah,thisguyhasbeenmyenemyformostofmylife.Hebelievedtheworstliesaboutme,backwhenwewerechildren.

Buthe'salsotheguyI'vebeennakedwitheverynightformonths.HetouchesEmberjustastenderlyasIdo.

Iturnmyhead,andhisdarkgazeconnectswithmine.

"Youcandothis,"hetellsme,andheactually,honestlybelievesit.

Embernods,brushingherthumboverthebackofmypalm,andtheimmaturelittleshitinsideofmewantstobeinsulted.IfIcouldtaketheirencouragementascondescension,Icouldgetmad,andbeingangryalwaysfuelsthefire.Itmessesupmylife,butithelpsmeforgeteverythingelse.

Rageisn'ttheonlyfuel,though.

Fuel.

Iturnbacktotheinfernosurroundingthecrown.Fireneedsfuel--evenmagical,annoying,Fire-Dragon-confoundingfire.

WhatifIdon'tneedtofantheflames?

WhatifIneedtostarvethem?

Mygutpullsin.That'snottheusualstylemymagictakes.ButIcanbemorethanjustamindlessblaze.Ihavepatience.Control.

IintertwinemyfingerswithEmber'soncemore.

Themagicfromearlierreturns,slowerandsofterthanbefore,butthat'sgood.That'swhatweneed.Itgathersinagoldenswirloflightwithinthedarknessofmychest,flowingintomefromEmber,andIliftmyhand.Brightsparksdanceonmyfingertips.

Ahungryflameinsidemelicksattheconfinesofmyribs.There'sanexplosionoffirewaitingtobeunleashed,butIkeepittightlycontained.

Instead,Isendouttinytrailsofheat.Iclosemyeyes,feelingforthewaytheytravel.It'sastrain,butImentallymapthelinesofenergythatfeedthefireencirclingthecrown,and--

There.

FiremagicflowsinanarcaroundtheCrownofCinders.WhenIthrewallmyenergyintodispellingtheflames,itonlygavethemmorepower,butIcanusethatinreverse.

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