Page 33 of Forever

CHAPTER 12

ANABEL

“Babe, I’m back!” I call as I close the door.

There is no actual need to shout, because this apartment is like the size of the kitchen at Will’s place in New York, but I like the homey feel of the greeting.

I turn around and place my bag on the chair before my eyes look for him. Only I don’t see him. No, I see the suitcase standing at the end of my bed.

Our bed.

My eyes look for him just in time to see him get out of the bathroom. I switch my gaze between Will and the suitcase a few times, before they settle on him.

“What is going on?”

“Bel, I …”

There is a lump in my throat so big I can’t swallow it down. It’s asphyxiating.

He doesn’t utter a word of explanation, but I already know it, and I don’t want to hear it. It’s not time. Not yet. He can’t go. It’s too early. We still have time. One month. We were supposed to have one more month together, dammit!

I bite my lower lip to stop it from trembling, or maybe it’s to stop this word vomit that wants to get out of my mouth. My head shakes from one side to the other, and I can feel the burn of tears gathering in my eyes.

“No …”

Will opens his arms and takes one careful step toward me and the only thing I can do is protest harder. “No … Just, no …”

“I’m so sorry, Tink …”

Painful sobs break though my carefully built walls, and the only way I can try to stop it is to cover my mouth with my trembling hand. So, I do it. Anything to stop this pain. Anything to turn back the time and return it to the days we were happy. Days we were together and the future, the inevitability of his departure, was weeks, months away.

His hands wrap around me tightly. I can feel his pain like it’s my own.

It is my own.

Because we’re one.

We’ve always been one.

We rock from side to side, not saying a word. His grip on me never loosens, not for a nanosecond. He rocks me in his arms to the painful, heart wrecking sound of my sobs.

Why is life so unfair? Just when the things were staring to get better. Just when we finally got into a routine and I didn’t wake up every morning in wonder that he’s still here. Just when I finally, finally got to have him for myself.

Am I too selfish? Is that the reason why life throws all this obstacles in the way of our love? Why can’t at least one thing be easy? We deserve this. We deserve to be happy for once, dammit!

“I’m so sorry, Bel. If I could …”

“It’s not fair!” I protest loudly, getting out of his embrace just enough so I can see his face through my tear-stained gaze. “It’s not fair! It’s not fair!” With every word, I pound at his chest harder.

William doesn’t say a word. He doesn’t stop me from hitting his chest. He doesn’t tell me not to yell or to stop crying. He doesn’t do anything.

I’m not even sure why I’m doing it. I know it’s not William’s fault. I know some things have to come before what we want for ourselves. That’s what being adult is about. Making sacrifices. Doing things you don’t want to because it’s the right thing to do. Does it make it easier? No. Does it make it true? Yes.

“I know, baby. I know.” His words are calming and so, so sad. “Please babe, anything … Don’t cry … Please …”

Tears start running faster, and I move closer to him, burying my face in the crook of his neck to hide my pain.

“I don’t know what’s wrong with me, Will.” My words are muffled by his skin.

---