Page 17 of Forever

I hate this moment. Going to the airport, walking away, saying goodbye. It all feels so final. It hurts so much to do it, but it would hurt even more not to have him here.

From Will’s rigid stance and tense body behind me, I know he must feel the same. Since the alarm went off and we both started to get ready to go, the easy silence from the night before disappeared. In its place there was only tension, fear, hurt. All those dark, hard feelings cling to our skin, not letting go. No matter how many times we do this, it never gets easier.

Three people in front of me.

Somehow, I make myself push the lump in my throat far enough so I can speak. “I have to go.”

My voice is a trembling whisper. It feels small and delicate and scared. Just like I feel. Powerless.

His lips land on the top of my head. “I know.”

His voice is the same as mine. It sounds almost broken. The only other time I heard him speak that way was when he came to Croatia to demand answers from me. And I hate it. I hate that I’m doing this to him.

To us.

Long distance is like cancer. It eats at you alive. But we fight through it. Day in and day out. We take days as they come, not going too far into what ifs and whens. But it gets harder every time.

“Two weeks.”

“It’s like two years,” he groans as we take another step closer.

I turn in his arms and make him look at me. “Then you’ll be in Croatia for three months.”

“Two.”

“What?”

“Two months.”

A shadow falls over his face. I swallow once again before speaking. “What do you mean two months?”

Last year he spent March to June in Croatia. Then he went back, and I came as soon as I finished with my exams. I was hoping for the same, but apparently not.

“More work. My agent got me some endorsement deals and stuff. I didn’t want it, but I couldn’t say no. It’s just …”

“No.” I shake my head. “I get it. It’s a part of the deal.”

I’m not lying. I do get it, but that doesn’t mean this isn’t a hard pill to swallow.

We take another step closer. I feel my heart squeeze painfully in my chest. Right now, I don’t know what hurts more. The fact that I’m going home and we’ll be apart or the fact that he’ll have to cut his visit short for work. The lines are blurred just like my vision.

One more step.

Will’s Adam’s apple wobbles as he swallows. His lips land on my forehead. The kiss long and hard.

My eyes fall shut, and I just let myself feel. I don’t want to cry. I can’t cry in front of him. The first time we said goodbye I cried in front of him and it was too painful. For both of us.

His fingers lift my chin. I open my eyes, and through the blur, I see him bend down to kiss me. Soft and loving. Prolonging this moment to the maximum.

Soft whimpers come out of my mouth and tears burn in my eyes, but I hold them in. Slowly, we break the kiss, and I take the final step back.

I love you, I mouth and then cover my mouth with a trembling hand.

The pain in his eyes is so clear, so real, and I hurt even more for him. I know this is the end. The place where we have to say our goodbyes and walk separate ways.

His fingers grip mine stronger, not letting go.

“I love you, Tink. Soon.”

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