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“I hate him ...” When Brook only raised her brow, I press my lips in a tight line but continue. “I do, since that day ... everything changed. I changed. Andrew maybe started all of the teasing ...”

“Bullying, Lia. What he, what they did to you, that’s called bullying. And Derek stood by him the whole time, saying nothing, doing nothing.”

I acknowledge her words with a nod, but don’t accept nor deny them. Nothing we say or do now will change the past, so I don’t see the point.

I sigh and lay down on the bed, this time intending to finally go to sleep. However, my thoughts are wondering, and I can’t stop thinking about all that happened tonight.

Slowly, with the tip of my finger, I trace my lower lip.

“Hey, Brook?” I mumble.

“Yes, Lia?”

“Have you ever been kissed?” I have to ask. After all this drilling about kissing and boys, it is only fair that I ask her about it.

We never talk about boys or kissing. It’s just not who we are. Brook and me, we are simple. We think about school and our future and trying to find a way out of this town. We do the things that make us happy, finding our solace in the world of art and imagination.

Boys, they just don’t fit in our carefully organized lives.

They are too big, too loud, too demanding.

Everything we are not.

Yet still, somehow they found a way to enter our lives and turn them upside down.

Her body stiffens next to mine, and I can feel it even with all of the blankets separating us. When Brook withdraws emotionally it feels like somebody opened the window during the snowstorm for all the cold and ice to enter the house.

“No, I haven’t been,” she whispers even lower than before and then she turns her back to me and goes to sleep.

She is lying.

I know it.

And she knows I know it.

But I’m not about to press her if she doesn’t want to tell me.

Brook carries her secrets close to her heart. It’s not something new or surprising. She carefully wraps them up and shoves them into a box, hiding them from everybody. Including herself.

Sometimes I wonder what is really going on in her life, what is she hiding, but I have a feeling that I really don’t want to know. I have a feeling those secrets are so dark and painful this is the only way for her to deal with them. But no matter how afraid I am of them, I’m even more afraid of what they are doing to her, how they are eating her alive. I would rather share her burden, no matter how heavy it is than watch her break under it.

One day, hopefully, she’ll let me. One day she’ll realize I’m strong enough to help her overcome whatever’s been bothering her. I just hope I’m not too late.

I just hope they don’t break her before I make it through to her.

* * *

The rest of the weekend is pretty uneventful. I was surprised because I totally expected for Derek to barge in and demand some kind of answer or explanation or something, but I’m glad I was wrong.

Brook’s words couldn’t seem to leave my mind. And although his kiss left me begging for more, I know she’s right.

For years Derek stood by his best friend and watched him be terrible toward me and other kids that got in his way. He rarely joined in, but he never tried to stop him, which makes him as guilty as Andrew is.

I can’t let one kiss make me forget all of that. It doesn’t matter that I can still feel the pressure of his lips on mine or feel the butterflies jump in my stomach when I think about him. It doesn’t matter that the sound of his voice excites me and undoes me at the same time.

Even if I could forget about the past, I’ll never be sure about his intentions. Did he really change because he feels something for me or is it simply because another guy wants my attention?

I don’t think I’ll ever find out the truth. So, the best thing is for me to stay away.

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