Page 102 of Habits

I turn my back to her, my hands pulling the strands of my hair.

What the hell is happening right now? Why does my chest hurt so bad?

Soft fingers touch my shoulders. “Andrew …”

I turn around and there she is, standing so close I can touch her, yet she seems so far away.

“You can’t leave me.” My hands grip her forearms, holding on to her.

“I’m not going anywhere.”

“Maybe not, but you’releaving me,” I accuse. “Just like she did. Just like they both did.”

“Nobody is leaving anywhere. I just think I—” She stops to correct herself. “We bothneed some time alone to figure things out.”

“I have my shit under control.”

“Do you? Do you really? One day you’re throwing me out, and the next you’re scared of me leaving. That’s not having shit under control, Andrew.”

We look at each other without saying a word. I don’t know what to think, what to say. Part of me knows she’s right, but the other part wants to call bullshit. She just wants to leave, just like everybody else.

Just like my mom left, and then my dad decided his work is more important. Just like Derek barely has any time for his friends now that he’s with Amelia.

Jeanette’s hand reaches out, brushing against my cheek. “They were right about us all along.”

“They don’t know shit, Princess. Nobody knows shit about us.”

“They do. Max figured us out, Brook, hell even Lia, and I bet they’re not the only ones. And they were right.” She shakes her head at me, and I can see the sadness in her eyes. “We’re not good together. We’re too intense, too destructive for each other, too broken.”

“Maybe, but we belong together.” I cup her cheeks. “You can’t deny it. We might be broken, but it doesn’t seem like that when we’re together. It’s like all the broken pieces fall into place and are glued back to life.”

“But that’s the problem. We glue each other back together, but the glue is just a temporary fix. It’s not permanent. It’s just a matter of time before everything falls apart again. And this time, there will be no way of fixing anything. We’ll be broken, this time beyond repair. And I don’t want that, Andrew. I don’t want to break you beyond repair. I donotwant to be broken.”

Tears gather in her eyes, but she’s holding them at bay. Seeing her like this, trying to stay strong, breaks me.

“Don’t say that. You’re not broken beyond repair. I won’t let you break.”

“No, I won’t let myself break. That’s why we need this. We need to figure our shit out on our own. You have to deal with your demons, and I have to deal with mine. And then maybe, maybe we stand a chance at something.”

“Don’t do this.” I close my eyes, not able to look at her anymore. If I do I’ll lose it, and I can’t. I just can’t. “Don’t, just don’t.”

Her hands grip mine, as she presses her forehead against mine.

“I have to. I have to choose what’s good for me. I have to chooseme. You make me happy, Andrew. So happy and confident and strong, but then you do something to piss me off, and the world is shaking around me. All the doubts and insecurities start to return, and I can’t handle it. It’s all just too much. I have to learn how to be happy on my own. How to be strong andwhole. On my own. And you have to do the same.”

“We can do it together,” I insist. “I know we can.”

One of her hands slides over my arm and brushes against my cheek. “Look at me, Andrew.”

I shake my head, refusing her. If I open my eyes it’ll be over. I know it’ll be over.

“Look at me.”

“I can’t.”

“You have to. Please. Eyes on me.”

Eyes on me, Princess.

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