Page 120 of Habits

My whole body jerks when I hear Patrick behind me. Composing my face as best as I can, I turn my back to the window. If I look at them one second longer, I’m going to puke.

“Sure.”

He leaves his cup on the counter and starts gathering things for my usual cocktail. When his fingers wrap around the bottle of clear liquid, I make up my mind.

I put my hand over his, stopping him. There is confusion in his blue irises.

“I’ll just have this.”

Jeanette

The front door slams closed, disrupting my trip down the memory lane, but not before a whiff of cold air enters the house. Rustling comes from the foyer, and I can imagine my dad putting his briefcase on the table next to the door. He empties his pockets, leaving his keys and loose change in the bowl on the table before he takes off his coat, scarf and shoes. Always in the same order.

Then he takes his briefcase to the office.

I can hear his soft footsteps nearing. He almost passes by the living room, but the light of the fire catches his attention.

“Jeanette?” From the corner of my eye, I can see him look inside the living room. “Why are you sitting in the dark? I thought the house was empty.”

He flicks on the light, the sudden brightness blinding me temporarily, but I don’t turn around to look at him.

Not yet.

I’m not even sure Icanlook at him.

“Are you okay?”

“You promised,” I accuse softly.

“Jeanette?”

He comes closer, almost like he’s nearing a wounded, scared animal, unsure if his sudden movement will upset me.

“You promised.” This time I accompany the accusation with a slight shake of my head. “And the worst part is I actually believed you.”

How does the saying go?

Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me.

Guess I can’t blame anybody else for my foolishness but myself.

“What are you talking about?”

There is a weariness in his voice, but is it because of the fact that I found out or because of the fear of what I could do with this information? What Iwilldo with this information. Because I’m done. I’m done with keeping secrets and lying for other people. I’m done with putting other people first while at the same time breaking my own heart.

Inhaling deeply, I do my best to keep a stoic expression as I face him despite the fact my whole world is breaking.

“I was at the hospital today.”

He runs his hand through his hair. “I know, I asked your mom to bring me the file, but she said she’d send you. The nurse gave them to …”

“I saw you,” I interrupt him, not interested in the least in what he has to say. Not anymore. He can save the excuses for somebody who wants to listen to them. That somebody isn’t me. “I came to your office. The door was slightly open, and there you were.” A humorless chuckle parts my lips. “With the nurse. Again.”

His eyes, so much like my own, grow wide.

“Jeanette …” He wets his lips, trying to find the words.

Words, lies, I don’t want to listen.

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