Page 125 of Habits

The light pink dress she’s wearing is molded to her body perfectly, showcasing her curves and tiny waist. High heels make her legs look even longer than they are. Her dark hair is curled, and her make-up flawless.

Perfect. Cold. Calculating.

“What else will you take from me?” I ask her weakly. Quietly. “Is there anything even left for you to take? You’ve got Max; that’s what you wanted after all, right? You became my friend so you could get close to him. Everything to get the most popular guy to like you. Even including his ugly, fat sister in your company.” Her eyes widen slightly, but that’s the only reaction I get from her. “DUFF, that’s what you call me. You thought I didn’t know? Well I did, for a while now, yet I still stayed around. So much for not being fucked up. Anybody who is willingly friends with you has to be fucked up to tolerate being in your company. Whythis? Why not let me be? Why not leave me alone?”

With every word, my voice grows louder and louder, words falling from my lips quickly. Frantic. That’s how I sound. Frantic and crazy.

Tears are rolling down my face, and I don’t even have it in me to care.

“Jeanette …” Patrick tries again, but I stop him.

“Don’t touch me.” My arms wrap around me tightly, holding my trembling body together. “Just don’t touch me.”

Patrick lifts his hands in the air in surrender. “I’m sorry, I didn’t …”

“I don’t care.” I shrug weakly. “I don’t even have it in me to care anymore. I’m done. With all of you.” My eyes meet Maddaline’s. “Congratulations, you succeeded. You broke me. I hope you enjoy it as long as you can because that feeling won’t last long. You’ll need to destroy again and again to keep it.”

I don’t wait for her response. Willing my legs to move, I walk around them and hurry down the stairs.

The party is still in full swing. People laughing, drinking, dancing like nothing is wrong. And it’s not, at least in their lives. Just a regular Saturday night with friends, where the worst thing that can happen is that they wake up with a raging headache the next day because they had a cup too much to drink.

I was just about to round the corner and get to the front door to get out of this house when I collided with somebody. Apologizing, I don’t lift my gaze, just try to walk around him, but strong hands land on my shoulders.

“Anette?” The worried voice of my brother breaks through my loud, hazy mind.

Lifting my head, I look at him through blurry eyes. His matching set of grays looks at me, and when he sees the state I’m in, his whole body stiffens, his hands on my shoulders gripping me tighter.

“What happened?” he demands in his serious, no-nonsense voice.

More tears come to my eyes, and suddenly I can’t take it anymore. All the lies and secrets, all the pretense and hidden agendas. I want it all to be gone.

My whole body trembles as fat, ugly tears fall down my cheeks, washing what’s left of my make-up with them. My nose is all snotty, and I’m sure I’m a mess, but I don’t care.

I can’t find it in me to care anymore.

My heart is thumping loudly in my chest, and it’s getting harder and harder to breathe.

Shaking my head, I try to walk around him, but his hands are holding me in the spot, his grip so strong I’m sure it’ll leave bruises.

“Jeanette, tell me what happened,” he repeats slowly, his voice hard.

I try to get out of his grasp once again, but when it’s no use, I decide on a different approach, done with people wanting to control me. My fingers tighten into fists, and I start punching his chest.

If he doesn’t want to let me go, I’ll make him.

“It’s all your fault!” I yell, accentuating every word with a punch. His grip on me loosens in surprise, but only barely. “I thought you were different. I thought you cared. But you’re just like them. Just like everybody else. We should have always had each other’s backs, Max. You’re my twin! Instead you betrayed me.”

My voice is growing louder with every word, drawing attention to us. I can feel people’s curious eyes on my back. Watching. Assessing. Judging.

“What the hell are you talking about?” My eyes are even blurrier than before, but I can still see his growing wide.

“You and Maddaline fucking behind my back, that’s what I’m talking about. My so-called best friend.”

“Anette …”

But I’m not done. Not even close. “Did you know she actually hates me? She’s only been hanging around your ugly, fat sister so she could get into your pants! But don’t worry, you’re not the only guy she’s been fucking. Turns out Patrick is one of her boy toys, too. I guess I’m not the only Sanders who she fucked over.”

His hands fall from my shoulders, and I want to sigh in relief, but he reaches for me again.

---