Page 133 of Habits

I let it drag on for a while, but when the silence and anticipation become too much, I finally snap.

“Will you tell me what the fuck happened, Max? I need to know. Is she okay? Is she hurt? Did she … did shehurtherself?”

Apparently he can hear the desperation in my voice and has mercy on me. “She’s been in an accident.”

“What kind of accident?”

Did she fall? Did someone hurt her? Was she in a car accident? What the hell happened? A thousand scenarios run through my mind at once, each one worse than the one before.

“Car accident.”

The sound of screeching tires and the images of bent metal run through my mind. So many terrible images I can barely breathe. I can see her fragile body stuck between the metal. All alone and cold, begging for somebody to help her.

Bile rises in the back of my throat, and it takes everything in me not to throw up.

“Is she okay?” I ask, but the thing I’m actually wondering is:Is she alive?

The possibility that something might have happened to her, that maybe I’ll never see her again … never see her smile, never get a chance to kiss her, hug her, never hear her play the violin, never see that small frown between her brows when she’s scowling at me or hear her voice as she puts me in my place, never get a chance to tell her I love her …

My throat bobbles.

Max opens his mouth, but the phone buzzes in his hand again.

We both look at the device, and I can see Max’s reluctance. If I were him, I wouldn’t want to answer either.

Because what if …

No, I’m not going there.

She’s okay.

She’s strong.

She’s alive.

There is no other possibility.

No other option.

“D-dad?” Max’s voice is low and rough as he picks up. His fingers grip the device and hold it close to his ear.

There is silence as he listens to whatever his father is telling him.

He sighs, rubbing his forehead. “Yeah. Sure. I’ll do it. Bye.”

“What did he say?” I ask as soon as he hangs up, giving him a quick glance. Just a little bit more and we’re back in Greyford. Just a little bit more, and we’ll be there.

Just hang on, Princess. Hang on.

“The doctors said she’s as stable as she can be. Broken arm and ribs. Concussion. Bruises.”

Every word he says is like a punch to my gut.

“But she’s alive?”

You have to be alive. You promised. We get our shit in order and we can be together. You promised.

Max nods his head. “She’s alive.”

---